Vicki Hinze | Great Debates And Moral Dilemmas
February 7, 2011
Theyâ€™re everywhere and on everythingâ€”great debates and moral dilemmas.Â I
expected to run into a few when I tackled human trafficking in DEADLY TIES, and I did.Â
But I also ran into one I didnâ€™t expect.
Writers love it when that happensâ€”when they get surprised, I mean.Â But itâ€™s
hard to love a surprise that kicks you in the gut, and this unexpected surprise
did.Â And it didnâ€™t mess around.Â It kicked hard.
You see, Lisa, the heroine, knows a domineering, controlling husband is holding
her mother, Annie, virtual prisoner.Â But her mother wonâ€™t leave.Â Sheâ€™s refused
to leave for years.Â Annie holds with the strict view that when you marry, for
better or worse, itâ€™s for life.Â Sheâ€™s far from alone; itâ€™s a valid position
many women hold.
But thereâ€™s the other side of this, too.Â The opposing view that says there
should be no moral dilemma or great debate in leaving a man who is a control
freak and guilty of emotional abuse.Â I personally fall on this side of the
scale.Â To me, a loving and imperfect father wouldnâ€™t want his child abused or
living in an abusive environment.Â If a loving imperfect father wouldnâ€™t want
that, then surely a loving perfect father wouldnâ€™t want it either.
Yet this book wasnâ€™t about me or my beliefs.Â It was about Lisa and her mom,
Annie, and their beliefs.Â I get myself into enough trouble judging me.Â I
couldnâ€™t make judgment calls for them.Â Especially not judgment calls with
spiritual consequences.Â And that began the unexpected great debate and the
moral dilemma.Â A book is no place for a soapbox.Â Itâ€™s no place for the author
to shove her personal beliefs down readersâ€™ throats, either.Â But it is the
perfect place to show both sides of the debate and dilemma.Â And so thatâ€™s the
path I took.Â Showing both sides, playing fair, letting the reader see the
challenges and the consequences and the way those on both sides of the scales
deal with them.
While this is just one of the debates in DEADLY TIES, I freely admit
it was the hardest for me personally.Â The lengths to which some will go on both
sides are stunning.Â To control, to be free:Â powerful motivators.
I started out writing this book to shine a light on human trafficking and on
messy family relationships.Â I expected to get emotionally investedâ€”I was from
the start.Â But I didnâ€™t expect the great debate or the moral dilemma on whether
Annie should stay or go in her marriage.Â Â We see an issue like that and the
answer seems so simple.Â So clear.Â It seems like such a no-brainer.Â But itâ€™s
notâ€”because what we fail to see, standing outside the situation, is all we fail
to see.Â The extenuating circumstances, the consequences to others.Â The evil in
some that surpasses what we can imagine but is unfortunately all too imaginable
to those closely involved.
We outsiders think of family as a sanctuary.Â A small, tight group that we can
depend on, that knows our every flaw and loves us anyway.Â We think of family
and what weâ€™ll do to protect our own.Â Â Most of us donâ€™t have to face the
prospect of a family member who will do anything to anyone to destroy us.Â Who
will do anythingâ€”even condemn us to a fate worse than death (and there
definitely are fates worse than death)â€”to stop us from protecting a member of
our family we love.Â But some of us arenâ€™t so lucky.Â They are confronted with
that situation and those choices.Â Lisa is in DEADLY TIES, and so is
I wrote the story and debated, tried to play fair and honestly.Â Afterward, I
understood the debate and the dilemmas much better, and frankly, I wept because
I could see both sides.Â And I wondered if Iâ€™d have the courage to do what
either woman did.Â If I could endure and come through those challenges intact.
What I discovered is that Lisa and Annie earned the title heroines.Â And I
learned that things are always different than they seem from the outside.Â
Answers that seem simple rarely areâ€¦ but not always for the reasons we expect or
imagine.Â Mostly I learned to be grateful Iâ€™ve been spared, that even from the
inside often what we think is happening isnâ€™t whatâ€™s happening at all, and I
learned to be compassionate, not judgmental, for those who suffer DEADLY TIES.
DEADLY TIES, 2/8/11
43 comments posted.
Re: Vicki Hinze | Great Debates And Moral Dilemmas
I would love to read this book to find out how these dilemmas are played out!
(Robin Daily 12:23pm February 7, 2011)
This sounds like such a powerfully emotional book. I would love to read this story.
(June Manning 1:15am February 7, 2011)
Sounds so interesting and well thought out. I love books that have the unexpected because no...everyone is not always ok in the end.
(Darci Paice 3:03am February 7, 2011)
This sounds like such a good story! And how wonderful that you felt so tied to it, and were able to see both sides of the issues.
(Joanne Reynolds 6:30am February 7, 2011)
This sounds like a thought-provoking read. We never know what goes on
behind closed doors. I once worked with someone who was abused and
am guilty of thinking the solution for her was simple. I know better now.
(Mona Garg 8:17am February 7, 2011)
This was a great article that really got me interested in your books. I have prayed for those involved in human trafficking and applaud you for drawing attention to it.
(Renee Pajda 9:29am February 7, 2011)
you couldn't be more right about things are not always what they seem and who knows what goes on behind closed doors. Your book sounds most intriguing.
(Karen Gervasi 9:51am February 7, 2011)
This book sounds really interesting. I will definitely have to read it.
(Cheryl Lynne 12:11pm February 7, 2011)
Very thought-provoking article. Your book sounds like an emotional read that would be really good!!!
(Valerie Bongards 12:17pm February 7, 2011)
This books has a fascinating story to tell. I want to find out what happens to Lisa and Anne.
(Anna Speed 12:17pm February 7, 2011)
This book sounds really good.I am glad that I found this page today and found you! you are a new author for me and I am going to have to add this book to my TBR list :)
(Amy Surprise 12:23pm February 7, 2011)
so far i like all your books!
(Debbi Shaw 12:43pm February 7, 2011)
Does anyone really know what goes on behind closed doors?
Do we really know the difference between good and evil?
Do we really want to know? Something to ponder when found in a good read.
(Rosemary Simm 1:37pm February 7, 2011)
You have me so interested in your book---I still don't understand how a woman can let herself be controlled and hurt by her husband and not try to leave, but I would like to read about that side of the argument.
(Sue Farrell 1:43pm February 7, 2011)
Vicki- I congratulate you for taking on such controversial subjects. I wish that everyone could get out of their bad situations, and that they could live happily ever after. The sad part is that not everyone has a family that stands behind them. When the chips are down, and they need someone to count on, they turn their backs, and unfortunately, there's no place for them to turn. Anyway, I've been a big fan of yours, and can't wait to read your latest book. It sounds like it'll be a good read, as always, and I'm just glad that somebody has the guts to bring these situations out into the light to try and help those that have a fighting chance. (no pun intended)
(Peggy Roberson 1:50pm February 7, 2011)
I think that a lot of it comes down to a question of what values people feel women *should* hold-- that of absolute dedication to their family (and if so, is it to support their Whatever or for their true welfare?), that of maintaining vows regardless what their effects are, that of being an individual with the right to grow, even if it costs others something (that last being where I am)? I know people with all these motivations. Your novel sounds excellent, and I'll have to read it.
(Mary Ann Dimand 1:53pm February 7, 2011)
I am so grateful that I have only read about domination, not experienced that.
(Marjorie Carmony 1:59pm February 7, 2011)
Wow, what a challenging book this must have been to write but so rewarding at the same time - to be able to get out that powerful message.
(Kasey Armstrong 2:02pm February 7, 2011)
Vicki, this sounds like a thought provoking book. I was an abused child and had a love/hate relationship with my dad until he died. I have been on the other side of that door and no one outside my immediate family knew anything. Everyone thought my dad was nice. However, to be fair, he had his own demons from the way he was raised.
(Cathy Phillips 2:16pm February 7, 2011)
Sounds like two very interesting women to read about... real life issues that bring emotions to the front, definitely a book I want to read.
(Colleen Conklin 2:24pm February 7, 2011)
Vicki--Your story sounds very interesting and thoght-provoking. Thanks for the chance to win a book.
(Ann Garland 3:21pm February 7, 2011)
As someone who has tried to work on the legal side of these issues, it amazes me that a lot of people are unable or unwilling to even see that this exists in our society and at all levels, not just the poorest or in immigrant groups. I would love to have a chance to read what you have written in light of trying to bring both sides to the reader and thank you for taking this subject on.
(Shirley Cochran 3:40pm February 7, 2011)
Vicki--Thanks for all your great books. I'm sure this one will be the next good read added to the list. Can't wait to read it!!
(Debbie Wilson 3:42pm February 7, 2011)
Can't wait to read this book. Sure to be great!
(Sharon Engel 4:19pm February 7, 2011)
It takes great courage to leave. I can't wait to read how you managed to see both sides.
(Mary Preston 4:55pm February 7, 2011)
It is hard to remember that you have to let people make their own decisions even if you disagree with them.
(Maureen Emmons 5:33pm February 7, 2011)
This sounds like a great story!
(Gordon Wilson 5:54pm February 7, 2011)
It's snowing here today and the wind reminds me that winter is still very much in charge. I would love to cuddle up with an interesting book like yours. I could melt away in the pages until spring arrives:)
(Patricia Carson 6:09pm February 7, 2011)
Sounds like a good read. Thanks, count me in!
(Brenda Rupp 6:14pm February 7, 2011)
This sounds like a very emotional story. bet it was hard to write from both sides. Will be putting this on my TBR list. Thanks for the chance to win a copy.
(Teresa Ward 6:18pm February 7, 2011)
We are facing more snow and ice on Wednesday!! I am so excited. If I can stay at home, I will curl up with a good book!! I wish I had GREAT DEBATES AND MORAL DILEMMAS TO READ!!
(Patricia Pickett 7:04pm February 7, 2011)
I love reading your books. Thank you for writing them, I would to win this one.
(Linda Hall 8:03pm February 7, 2011)
Sounds like an interesting book, particularly because my grandmother was a battered wife and my mother and her siblings were emotionally abused by this man. Back in that day, there were no women's shelters to escape to. Just as you do with Annie, I think my grandmother was a hero in her own way.
(Annette Mardis 9:03pm February 7, 2011)
The moral dilemmas and how we face them makes for a compelling story and on a deeper level makes us wonder what we would do if we faced that situation. Congratulations on a great book!
(Rosemary Krejsa 9:49pm February 7, 2011)
Domestic abuse is something many people don't understand. I have known
several such relationships, both physically and emotionally abusive. Two in
emotionally abusive relationships had families that were supportive and
helped them get out. I think they are almost harder to recognize than the
physically abusive. In one, the husband was a teacher, well liked and well
respected. Many who knew him didn't believe what the wife said. Too many
women feel they have no options. They have either been threatened or
convinced they are so worthless no one else would ever want them.
Sorry, it is a soapbox I have been on many, many times. I look forward to
reading DEADLY TIES.
(Patricia Barraclough 10:10pm February 7, 2011)
wow, definitely a book to go on my to-buy list. thanks for having the courage to dive into this.
(Barbara Studer 10:18pm February 7, 2011)
the book sound great and you bring up a good point and hope t hat a lot of women will read it and learn i had the lesson
learn the wrong way i lost my hearing to one an now i had baha done and hope to be able to hear for the first time in aobut 20 years
(Desiree Reilly 10:56pm February 7, 2011)
Sounds like an awesome book. It's hard when women get in these situations. I feel for anyone that does. And ya know, emotional abuse to me is almost worse. The pain heals but the damage to a person's psyche can never heal.
(Vicki Hancock 11:31pm February 7, 2011)
Sounds like an interesting book.
(Ginger Hinson 11:48pm February 7, 2011)
Wow sounds like a great book. I can't imagine the emotions you must have confronted writing it.
(Wilma Keel 11:54am February 8, 2011)
I would love a chance to win your book. I am adding you to my TBR list... Thank you for sharing...
(Kelly Mueller 4:43pm February 8, 2011)
I very much enjoyed FORGET ME NOT and look forward to reading DEADLY TIES.
(Sigrun Schulz 12:40pm February 9, 2011)
Girl, you really get in there and raise the questions digging deep. Searching the pages for conflicts and finding a few solutions keeps me turning the pages to see how this set of characters goes about getting into and out of troubles. It looks like a good read and the pages would go fast.
(Alyson Widen 10:04pm February 27, 2011)
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