Sandi Shilhanek | How Do You Find Comfort?

Sandi Shilhanek
November 22, 2009

Comments

35 comments posted.

Re: Sandi Shilhanek | How Do You Find Comfort?

Sandi: I'm sorry to hear about Sally. I know only too well what it's like to lose a beloved pet. It's happened to me eight times.

Most of what I do when that occurs wouldn't be appropriate for me to describe here because it has to do with my religion. But I can say this: If you have other pets, try to take comfort in them. They can help you recover.

If you don't have any other pets, now (or soon) might be a good time to consider adopting one. Especially one who really needs a good home. They'll repay you in their own way.

I don't know what your tastes in books and movies are like, so I can't recommend any particular titles or types. However, I've found that in times of stress, I tend to stick with the tried and true, the sorts of reading and viewing material I'm familiar with and gravitate toward most naturally. Now is no time to explore new fields.

I can't help you regarding recipes for comfort foods. Grief makes me eat less, not more.

Finally, it helps if I have someone to talk to---or e-mail, or instant message, or text, or whatever. You're welcome to contact me.
(Mary Anne Landers 4:02am November 22, 2009)

Once again, Sandi, I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss. You and your family remain in my thoughts and prayers.

I don't know that I really have any particular comfort reads. I think I gravitate more towards something a little softer and sweeter, nothing darkly suspenseful or sensually heated.

Take care.
(Laurie Damron 7:38am November 22, 2009)

So sorry for your loss Sandi. When I need comfort, I like to curl up on the couch with a blanket, watch a movie and eat chocolate. Here's an easy (and delicious) recipe for chocolate fudge.

3 cups of chocolate chips, one can of condensed milk (Eagle Brand), dash of salt, 1 1/2 teaspoons of vanilla extract, 1/2 to 1 cup chopped nuts (optional)

In a 1 quart glass bowl combine chips, condensed milk and salt, mircowave for 1 1/2 minutes, stir, microwave for another 1 1/2 minutes (or until chips have melted)Stir in nuts and vanilla.

Spread into a waxed paper lined 8 or 9 inch square pan. Chill for 2 hours or until firm.

Turn fudge onto a cutting board, peel of paper and cut into squares. Store covered in refridgerator. Enjoy.

Take care.
(Cindy Boucher 10:11am November 22, 2009)

Thanks to all for the comforting thoughts. Cindy, I'm not really a baker, but my MIL
used to have this easy recipe for fudge, and I would make it each year. I lost it, and your
recipe sounds simple enough that I, the non cook might have to give it a whirl. Thanks!
(Sandi Shilhanek 10:42am November 22, 2009)

Sorry for your loss. I do go for comfort reads.

I enjoy Contemporary reads yet for comfort I will read Julie Garwoods medieval books,
especially Honor's Splendour, or The Gift or Lion's Lady.
(Joyce Mandle 10:42am November 22, 2009)

Sandi, so sorry about Sally. I know she was a member of your family and your heart is broken. I am probably more apt to watch a movie than read when I need comfort for grieving. I like getting in a comfy postion on the couch and watching light romantic comedies. One of my newer feel good movies is Mama Mia. I also enjoy watching some of the TV shows like Project Runway, Top Chef -- sometimes they have the marathons -- they just seem to distract me and entertain me. I hope you find something that will ease the pain for you.
(Pam Nolan 11:21am November 22, 2009)

Hi Sandi--sorry to hear about your pet. It is never easy saying good-bye to a loved one. I don't have a specific comfort read but I find that reading Nora Roberts is like comfort food. As far as movies one of my comfort movies is A Walk in the Clouds that is on dvd. Keanu Reeves is very romantic in this movie. You will laugh, cry and enjoy. Take care of you.
(Mary Perry 11:49am November 22, 2009)

Sandi sorry to hear about your beloved pet.. In times of grief I always need my gal pals.. We have been through good and bad times together and always know just what to say or do to help one another. Or maybe a good chick movie... will do the trick.. And a good book always helps me. And remember you have all of your pals on-line to help you too.. Sending you hugs..
(Kathleen O'Donnell 12:17pm November 22, 2009)

Sandi, my condolences.

Food: kalhua cheesecake from the nuns at New Skete monastery in NY---cheesecake just does not get any better than this! Coffee ice cream also.

I read SING THEM HOME by Stephanie Kallos shortly after my dog died last year. I was not sure I could take it because it has grief as an underlying theme but I found the book most comforting and uplifting. Surprisingly, it was just what I needed at the time. It might no be for everyone, but I personally needed something with a bit more than some of my usual fun reads.
(Merri Crawford 12:46pm November 22, 2009)

Sandi, My condolences on the loss of Sally....
I walk. I don't know if I'm trying to run away from the grief, but to comfort myself I put on a good pair of shoes (or boots, depending on the weather) and I walk. And then I walk some more. And then I wallow. No magic cure from me I'm afraid....just the running and the wallowing....
(Cindy Ferrell 1:01pm November 22, 2009)

I'm so sorry about your loss of Sally, Sandi. The loss of a pet is really painful.

Any of Linda Howard's early books are comfort food for me, like Mackenzie's Mountain, Mackenzie's Pleasure and Duncan's Bride. Also Lori Foster's early ones: The Buckhorn Brothers series, Once and Again and Forever and Always. And all of the Winston Brothers/Visitation, N. Carolina series.

Most of all, give yourself time to grieve. You don't have to "get over it" as some insensitive people may suggest.
(Janet Lewis 1:39pm November 22, 2009)

Well I like to look at recipe magazines and such like Taste of Home. It gives me comfort just seeing those yummy pictures...lol
(Joy Hoormann 2:34pm November 22, 2009)

Sandi, I'm so sorry to hear about Sally's passing.
For me, music helps bring comfort.
Books, LaVyrle Spencer's books are always comforting.
Linda Lael Miller and Linda Howard especially their time travel books comfort me also.

Give yourself time and reach out to people if you want to.
(Lisa Walters 2:38pm November 22, 2009)

I am so sorry for your loss, I lost both my gorgeous cats within 10 months of each other and I don't think you ever get over it. They were 15 and 17 years old and had a great life and I'm grateful for having had them.
When I'm feeling down I usually read old Diana Palmer books, Jayne Ann Krentz or Linda Howard books, they make me feel better. So good luck with the reading and again I am so sorry.
(Diane Sadler 3:05pm November 22, 2009)

Again thank you to all for the condolences. I appreciate the ideas of some books. I have
several of the authors suggested in my TBR pile, and so this might be a good time to go
digging in there, and find a buried treasure or two, and maybe even a book that should
find a new home even though I haven't read it!
(Sandi Shilhanek 4:20pm November 22, 2009)

Comfort in regards to animals
takes time to soften the rough edges. There's a poem called The Rainbow Bridge that helps bereaved.
(Alyson Widen 4:53pm November 22, 2009)

Sandi, I'm soooo sorry - I lost three of my furbabies in the first few months on this year, Charlotte, my dear sweet Min-Pin succumbed to a LONG hard fight with Liver Disease, Tessa, our old loving Border Collie, well she just got too old, and my sweet, loving, crazy Toy Fox Terrier, Swoop, well she was only 3 and we still don't know what she got into, but we do know it was some kind of toxin :-( I miss them all soooo much! I had a really hard time with Char & Swoop and I found comfort in my work and threw myself into it and didn't look up for a couple weeks, until the pain started to loosen on my heart a bit. I read all the time and when in a bad situation I read something lite & funny to keep me out of that dark place :-) Hang in there and know that Sally is now playing at Gods feet with my babies :-)
(DaLinda Mefford 4:58pm November 22, 2009)

Sandi, So sorry for you loss. I usually have a good cry and a good prayer when I am feeling in need of comfort. My brother lost his beloved pet last weekend. He found a lot of comfort on the website for the rainbow bridge. I saw someone else mention the poem. They have a whole website dedicated to peoples pets. We are all here if you need us.

Hugs,
Julie
(Julie Harper 5:30pm November 22, 2009)

Oh Sandi, I am so sorry to hear that Sally passed away. I think each of us have to work through the grief in our own way. Personally I don't think you need to "get over it". Naturally you feel very sad, missing that special pet, all perfectly normal. Be very kind to yourself for as long as necessary.

I find comfort in cooking/baking, reading books that are like old friends(Nora Roberts books seem to always call me), spend time with friends and family that understand your feelings. If movies appeal to you The Sound of Music always brings me "happy", the music in Mama Mia just makes me want to dance but maybe you need something "weepy" to release some of the feelings you have.

((((Hugs)))) to you and the family.
Take care,
Donna M
(Donna McClure 5:37pm November 22, 2009)

P.S. I also find comfort in music. Another movie that to me is uplifting is My Best Friends Wedding, it's the music!
(Donna McClure 5:40pm November 22, 2009)

Sandi-Sorry about Sally. I too know what it's like to loose a beloved pet. We had to put down Rusty 3 yrs ago when his legs gave out and he couldn't stand anymore. A book that is a keeper for me is The Christmas Clock by Kat Martin. This was not one of her normal writing styles(normally Historic or Suspense). I was very moved by it. It just came out in begin Nove. Another one that I'm reading now is The Christmas Secret by Donna VanLiere.
It will take time to heal your heart. Fortunately I had 3 cats to help me over Rusty.
Take care.
(Nancy Alexander 5:46pm November 22, 2009)

When I lose an elderly pet to poor health and old age; I take comfort in knowing I was there for them. However much we hurt from their passing, the important thing to remember is that they are no longer in pain. If you wish to read something delightful, with cats, I recommend Games of Command by Linnea Sinclair. Her cat characters, renamed fidgets and furzels, are central to the story and are most carefully and lovingly written about. (They are based on her two cats at the time; one of whom has since died.) I agree with the suggestion that you try to make room in year hearts and home for a new 'baby' and hope that you will look to rescue organizations or shelters, rather than pet shops, etc. We share your pain.
(Susan Driskill 5:52pm November 22, 2009)

Our dog Fred, who was the first pet Mike and I got when we bought our first
home was a shelter dog. He was truly amazing, and I totally miss him. Sally
came from Operation Kindness, and the boys picked her out. Our puppy
Travis, is about 8 months old, and was adopted from a PetSmart adoption,
when I made the mistake of taking Brian to look. I wanted a small dog, and he
and Travis took one look at each other, and it was instant love on both sides.

Yesterday we went looking at a couple of different PetSmarts, but they didn't
have a friend I thought I needed to bring home, but when I find the right dog
I'm sure it will be from some sort of shelter or adoption event.
(Sandi Shilhanek 6:07pm November 22, 2009)

No comfort reads, but every time I hear about morning for a pet I remember Buster who died when I was a young child some time in the late forties or early fifties.

Ray
(Ray Getzinger 10:09pm November 22, 2009)

Sandi, you have my deepest sympathy!!!!! The last time I went thru this (it was #6), was a couple of weeks before Amelia was born. Morticia was my cat while I lived at home and it was really tough on my Mom. I was lucky and had a had almost instant comfort with my newest baby. Of course, mom said she didn't want to go thru that pain anymore, but 2 months later adopted 2 cats from PetSmart:)

For me, comfort is always with friends and family. I have a good cry and then I want the comfort only other people seem to be able to supply. But if I was looking for a fav reread, it would have to be Nora. The MacGregor series comes instantly to mind.

Good look in finding your next family member. I'm sure it will be love at first sight, just like for Brian:)
(Amanda Reeder-erdly 10:31pm November 22, 2009)

Sandi~~I have been through this a couple of times. Our pets become family members, especially if you live alone. There is no set way of grieving. For some it's easier than others. The last time I went through this, I ended up taking two weeks off work. I'm not looking forward to going through this again; I told George already that when the time comes, he has to die in his sleep! When the time is right, you'll find you're new friend. Until then, stay busy with family and friends to support you. I will suggest "An Angel in Provence" which is a fairly new release from Harlequin, especially if you like France. It's a two-book book about two sisters who go through serious life-changing events and find true love in Avignon and Paris! Ohhhh.....
(Trudy Miner 11:15pm November 22, 2009)

I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your pet; I know you will long remember all the good times you had together.

I've got a few authors whose books are comfort reads for me. I don't want anything heavy with blood and gore, nor filled with gutter words, nor about life-changing or affecting stories. Definitely one of them is Jayne Ann Krentz, in all her guises. She also has a writing style that I find amusing. I know she's not everyone's cup of tea, but she certainly suits me, especially if I feel restless, at a loss or out of sorts in any way. Her early books especially provide me with 'sustenance' for hard times. Susan Grant and Susan Elizabeth Phillips are others.
(Sigrun Schulz 1:27am November 23, 2009)

Sandi, so sorry for the loss of your beloved Sally. I don't have any comfort
reads to offer, just maybe look at photos of Sally with your family and
remember the good times.
(Mary Hundley 5:56am November 23, 2009)

I grieve with thee over your beloved Sally.

One of first think I do when I need a good cry and comfort is reach for Delta Force with Chuck Norris. The once scene with the German Stewardess defying the highjackers always makes me cry, and then the good ***kicking afterward always makes me feel better. Or I pull out my Betrice Small O'Mally series, or Anne McCaffrey Tower Series.... Love them, empowers like nothing else.

Hope any of this helps.

Melissa
(Melissa Tackett 11:09am November 23, 2009)

My condolences. It is a very difficult thing to work through. As for comfort reads: Escapade by Joan Smith (Regency romance) Crocodile on the Sandbank by Elizabeth Peters Diamond Bay, and also Midnight Rainbow by Linda Howard A good translation of The Three Musketeers by Alexander Dumas Comfort movies: Princess Bride Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory Love Actually Comfort Food: Macaroni and cheeses: standard homemade mac and cheese (great to add cooked sliced mushrooms, minced green onion and peas) but using White Cheddar, Gruyere (these two to melt into the white sauce), Chevre, Roquefort (these two used to crumble and mixed into the mac and sauce at the last minute before baking), Parmesan (to sprinkle on top during the last 10 minutes of baking),...pretty much in any combination of what cheeses I have on hand. Plenty of minced parsley to sprinkle over the top after it comes out of the oven. Ice Cream Sundae with what fixing you have, my suggestions as additions, sprinkles and toppings: raisins, toasted flaked coconut, banana slices, chocolate chips, peanuts, chocolate syrup, and caramel syrup, whipped cream, cherry for top, and for me Corn Flakes (used lots in Asia for ice cream treats and adds nice crunch while helping to balance the sweetness of the treat...just sprinkle them on or put a layer into your serving bowl if you like). Spending time to chat with friends and loved ones also helped to ground me. Hope this helps.
(G. Bisbjerg 11:56am November 23, 2009)

So sorry about Sally, I know what it's like to lose a much loved pet. Comfort foods, chocolate, popcorn, or ice cream, or even a bowl of cerieal,,,,, Frosted Flakes, Raisin Bran or Ric Crispies. I usually have at least one of those always stocked. Comfort reading for me isn't necessarily just one author or genre. I just read to relax and get my mind off things for awhile. As long as I have a book around, I know I'll be ok........for a little while.
(Debbie Beverley 1:23pm November 23, 2009)

I'm sorry to hear of your loss. I've been thru this before. Chocolate is my comfort food. Feel good movies, are also a comfort. I especially love The Tenth Kingdom. It's a long movie with fairy tales, romance and silly laughs.
(Theresa Buckholtz 2:20pm November 23, 2009)

Sandi I'm so sorry to hear about your loss of Sally. It's a really tough thing to go thru, but it sounds like lots of people here can understand how you are feeling. That has helped me when one of our dogs has passed on. My comfort is chocolate and I'm going to try the fudge recipe! Also try some entertaining Christmasy books and or movies. Chevy Chase's Christmas Vacation is one of my favorites. And I hope some new little critter will come along and adopt YOU!

Carol
(Carol Norton 6:37pm November 23, 2009)

I'm so sorry about your dog
(Allison Gardner 9:15am November 25, 2009)

Sorry to hear about your dog. We have
a 13 1/2 year old lab who is failing
and I'm afraid we'll be facing the same
sad event soon. If I want to cheer up, I
watch "Seven Brides For Seven
Brothers". If I want to be taken away, I
watch "Pride and Prejudice" with Colin
Firth or Disney's Beauty and the Beast.
Odd combination, but very similar. I
found a children's book this year that
would be a good read for you right
now. It is Umbrella Summer by Lisa
Graff. It is an excellent story about
dealing with loss. I'd recommend it
for anyone 9 and up.
(Patricia Barraclough 12:28pm November 27, 2009)

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