Cynthia Ruchti | Fractured Friendships
May 21, 2013
Giveaway
I'm one of those authors who doesn't have every detail mapped out before
starting a story. I let imagination create a scene or concept, sometimes only a
first line or a title, and then I hang on for the ride of discovery, in many
ways like a reader who opens one of my books, wondering what it's about. The
reader has no more than a title and the back cover copy to go on, but is
intrigued enough to start reading. That's me. As a writer. A story intrigues me enough to start writing. It's no wonder I'm just as surprised as anyone else when the novel takes a left
turn I didn't see coming. In my recent release—WHEN THE MORNING GLORY
BLOOMS—I thought Monica would always be there for Becky, who faced
having to give up a fulfilling job to care for her grandson born to her teen mom
daughter. From chapter one, I knew Monica and Becky differed in their opinions
on cloth vs. disposable diapers and the endless pacifier debate. But the two
women went to the same church, had been friends for years, and had always
muddled through their disagreements and differences in the past. I grieved when their friendship disintegrated because of Monica's inability to
cope with disasters that upended Monica's neat and tidy life. She was willing to
stand by Becky's crisis, but couldn't allow herself to be the one comforted. She
refused to be comforted, as the Bible describes one grieving mom. In some ways, friendship is like a marriage. It's no small thing when it falls
apart. Looking back now, even as I reread the scenes that led up to the left turn I
didn't see coming, I know my character Becky couldn't imagine losing Monica's
support and friendship. The two women represents many true stories of fragile or
fractured friendships, maybe even yours. If I sat down to counsel those two, I'd probably urge Monica to let Becky into
her pain, to tear down the wall she'd let grow between them. I'd encourage them
to be honest with each other. And I'd make sure they understood that
differences can make a friendship stronger, but emotional distance never
does. Have you lost a friendship once important to you? How would you counsel Becky
and Monica? Their story is a subplot in WHEN THE MORNING GLORY
BLOOMS, but it may take center stage in the realities of your own life. What
steps do you take to maintain healthy friendships, even in crisis times? As you read the novel, I hope you'll take a moment to let me know your thoughts
on this and the other layers of the story. May every left turn in your life lead
to a delightful and enriching discovery.
Cynthia Ruchti writes
and produces the daily 15-minute radio broadcast, The Heartbeat of the
Home, and is editor of the broadcast's Backyard Friends magazine. She
served a two-year term as president of American Christian Fiction Writers and
currently serves as ACFW's Professional Relations Liaison. In addition to
writing novels, devotionals, and magazine articles, she speaks for women's
events and writers' conferences. Cynthia and her plot-tweaking husband live in
the heart of Wisconsin where she creates stories of Hope-that-glows-in-the-dark. One commenter will win a copy of WHEN THE MORNING GLORY
BLOOMS and a beautiful Dayspring mug & a Starbucks card valued at
$10.00.
Comments
45 comments posted.
Re: Cynthia Ruchti | Fractured Friendships
I have lost a friendship through distance... as time went on we talked less and less... now we are basically Christmas cards only... our lives are in two different locations and things just drifted... a bit sad. (Colleen Conklin 3:11pm May 21, 2013)
I try to keep up with a very dear friend from high school, when we were both teenagers(long time ago,lol) She travels the world and has a very busy life. The both of us have always treasured our friendship,and we will always be like sisters. Thank-you Cynthia for all the great work that you do! :) (Donna Long 3:35pm May 21, 2013)
I've lost friendships through distance too.
I also lost a friendship I really cared about through no fault of my own. It really hurt when that friendship ended. I wouldn't know how to counsel Becky and Monica because honesty isn't always what it is cracked up to be. (Lori Yost 5:00pm May 21, 2013)
Nice cover and great giveaway. Sometimes friendships end for no reason; maybe the other person just doesn't want to be your friend anymore. (Michelle Fidler 5:13pm May 21, 2013)
My husband was in the Militry so we moved around a lot. Made some great friends and have kept in contact with some, others we lost contact with. Sad, but we met a lot of great families and different cultures. Great experience. (JoAnn White 5:21pm May 21, 2013)
I've moved so much, that I've learned to allow things to change--people move into your life, and people move out. Most people stay in one place and don't experience that, I guess, but I'm comfortable with the process at this point. (Kathleen Conner 5:54pm May 21, 2013)
Many friendships end because one gives and the other takes. Friendships end due to apathy too. (Sharon Berger 5:59pm May 21, 2013)
I am heartbroken because I just lost my best friend of 50+ years. In the end, the friendship was one-sided (me) and she blew off my son's wedding (which, by the way, is THIS Saturday) because she thought she'd feel "uncomfortable." Why was it such a burden for her to come? She doesn't have panic disorder (like me), she is well and able, she promised she'd come but, in the end, I wasn't even a blip on her radar. Time to move on....:( (Susan Coster 6:08pm May 21, 2013)
I keep most of my friends. I no longer talk to my constant friend from high school. Sadly, I realized that she really wasn't my friend. (Phyllis Lamken 6:57pm May 21, 2013)
I would advise Monica and Becky to share their feelings with one another and listen with their hearts ~ True friendship is a blessing and a gift to be treasured. Thank you for the opportunity and I look forward to reading "When The Morning Glory Blooms" ~ lovely cover! Happy Reading and Writing~ Cheers~ Elizabeth (Elizabeth MacGregor 7:51pm May 21, 2013)
My porcupine friend bullied me, called me names and we always had to do things her way for over 60 years. Two years ago I stood up to her during a verbal attack against my husband. Since then she won't answer my phone calls, snail or email. She's also driven other friends and family away because of always being right about any subject or the way she thinks others should live. Sorrow over her blind eye toward the high cost of her lifestyle, drives me to pray for her as she becomes more bitter and isolated each day. I believe in miracles and would urge others, real or fictional people, to also trust in a power greater than ourselves. (Susan Engebrecht 8:30pm May 21, 2013)
Yes, I've lost touch with some. (Wilma Frana 8:46pm May 21, 2013)
Fractured friendships is exactly how I feel about the loss of my dearest friend about 18 months ago. We were soulmates, prayed together and enjoyed quilting time together every week, those special times with someone you can bear your heart. My granddaughter was born 2 years ago, and my dear friend didn't congratulate me, or send my daughter a card. After my daughter's maternity leave I began to babysit 3 days a week. Best friends share everything.... I thought. I had pictures of my sweet granddaughter around the house, and occasionally posted one on Facebook. No comments... nothing. About 3 months later I received a very hurtful email from my dearest friend. She no longer thought of me as her friend. I was a grandma. She was too. My granddaughter is precious to me. Hers is merely another kid in her life. I'm sad for her that she cannot find the joy in her granddaughter that I find in mine, and sadder yet that I'm not worthy of her friendship anymore. Now I'm alone. My daughters are my friends. Praise God that he placed them in my life. My trust has been broken, but God is my comfort, and my joy comes through my grandchildren, my 21-year-old grandson born to my then 18-year-old daughter, and my 2-year-old granddaughter born to another daughter who waited 13 years for our precious blessing. Thanks, Cynthia. It's healing to purge ourselves occasionally. God bless you in your future writing! (Nancee Marchinowski 9:45pm May 21, 2013)
It's hard to keep a friendship when you move away... You really have to work hard to keep it going! (May Pau 10:03pm May 21, 2013)
I've lost many friendships and its not because of a big fallout, its more because we all grow up differently and sometimes grow apart. When things like that happen, you just have to accept that maybe its time to move forward. Some people come into your life to give you things you need to learn about but eventually time runs out and you have to meet new people. (Lazydrag0n Puff 10:19pm May 21, 2013)
I lost a very dear friend, since grade 10, over opposing political views. Time nor distance had ever impacted or relationship and we had always openingly discussed all things but one day we butted heads over politics. She sent me an email that she never wanted to hear from me again. I cried for two days. It has been 5 years now and I still miss my friend (Janis Milford 11:04pm May 21, 2013)
I'm moved by these comments and agree that the pain of a fractured friendship runs deep. So many wise thoughts shared here, and heart-tugging stories. (Cynthia Ruchti 11:33pm May 21, 2013)
life gets busy and we always loose connect with people, the big thing is if you realize how big of a lose it is and work to get it back...i really love your cover and would really enjoy to win it and share it with my friends... (Kimberly Hoefs 12:07pm May 22, 2013)
I think that everyone looses friendships over the years. People change and what you felt was a bond at one time or another can change due to circumstances and many other factors. Just look forward to the changes and meet new people and if contact isn't possible, then let it be a good memory or reminder of what you found to have had that friendship for as long as it lasted. (Cynthia Blain 1:04am May 22, 2013)
It's one of the most difficult things to get over...losing a close friend...a BBF. Especially when you try to get it back on track again and it's lost all its greatness. (Bonnie Capuano 8:17am May 22, 2013)
Friendships ebb and flow, as we get over and life circumstances change. Many times the friends I have lost contact with have been due to distance. We moved away. Luckily social media helps keep in contact but it can't make up for the distance and the lack of shared experiences as life evolves. (Pam Howell 8:49am May 22, 2013)
I moved out of state but I still try to keep in touch with my friends. Even if it may be through only Facebook. But I want them to know I still think about them all the time. (Nicole Caroen 9:32am May 22, 2013)
Having worked in Administration long term care (both nursing home and assisted living)for the past 33 years, the elder generation holds such a special place in my heart. Listening to their stories is one of my favorite loves. Have witnessed the dementia/reality mix myself in my experiences. Would love to read this story, and will have to find this book!! Thanks for sharing. (Stephanie Strausberger 9:58am May 22, 2013)
I have lost family and friends through distance and just being so busy with my own life. However, its when you get older that you realize how important those memories of friends and family are that you keep remembering them, brining sweet thoughts (C Culp 10:14am May 22, 2013)
I am disabled and now live in a nursing home due to Rheumatoid Arthritis. As I became more disabled over the years and less able to participate in activities, I have lost touch with friends and family. I now depend on one sister, her husband and her daughter for outside companionship. I hardly ever see my other sister and her kids and grandkids. So keep healthy. (Carol Woodruff 11:23am May 22, 2013)
still friends after all these years with girlfriends from high school. We get together for each others birthdays (Patricia Wagner 11:24am May 22, 2013)
I've almost lost friendships that were important to me. The best advice I could give is that time heals everything, as the old saying goes. I didn't beg, but tried to explain what happened, because the other party felt wronged, so I needed to explain my side so that hopefully they understood. I'm still working on mending the relationship, but it's slowly getting there. If it's worth it to them, the ball is in their court. I can't do much more than I am at this point, and without going into detail, I've done much more than letters, since I do value their friendship. My circumstances have just taken a 180 degree turn, and they have to realize it. I would love to read your book, and see your spin on the situation!! The cover is gorgeous, too!! Congratulations!! (Peggy Roberson 11:38am May 22, 2013)
I have lost many friends due to moving away. The book sounds great, I'm looking forward to reading it. (Rita Wray 12:54pm May 22, 2013)
It is sad to lose friends due to moving/distance. The book sounds good. (Marcy Shuler 4:58pm May 22, 2013)
I just ordered your book on Kindle, and it's great! Your writing is beautiful, as I discovered when I read my first CR book, They Almost Always Come Home. Looking forward to being a continued fan! (Susan Basham 5:44pm May 22, 2013)
i had a change in my life style so i lost a lot of friends but it was for the better. (Jennifer Beck 6:35pm May 22, 2013)
Yes, I have lost some classmates and friendships from Kansas and now living in Texas so the time and distance have interfered a bunch. I have changed my life and now trying to live positive for God and trying to put him first in my life and my husband helps too. Thanks for the great contest and to be a great friend a person needs to be a great listener and always try to be sensitive to the other person's needs and walk a mile in their shoes for sure. Thanks, Cecilia CECE (Cecilia Dunbar Hernandez 9:01pm May 22, 2013)
I've lost friends through geography. Moving around it's hard to stay in contact. (Mary Preston 11:05pm May 22, 2013)
I did lose a friend due to long distance. We drifted even further apart when she got married. A single person hanging with married couple is definitely categorized three's a crowd. We lost touch with each other when new area codes were issued. I would love to get in contact with her again. (Kai Wong 12:29pm May 23, 2013)
I can't imagine what I would have done if I lost the support of my best friend. I have lost friends due to distance and moving on with our separate lives, but my best friend has been amazing as she has stuck by me through all the nastiness. When the truth about my ex-husband came out, she was right there giving me exactly what I needed before I even knew I needed it. If I had lost that support, I don't think I could have made it through to today. I am so grateful that she came into my life and I will never give that up if it is in my power. (Lynsey Peterson 3:21am May 23, 2013)
lost 2 good friends,1 died and 1 moved out of the country. (Kent Cook 6:57am May 23, 2013)
i had lost a friend when there family moved away when we were kids over 25 years ago and i found them again on facebook the other year the thing is she remembered me like i remember her (Denise Smith 8:39am May 23, 2013)
Thanks-- there aren't enough novels that really address or explore friendship. And I've lost friends And I've left friends when they are adamant about putting me in a little box. Not shutting me out of portions of their lives-- that's their business-- but insisting that I have a certain limited role to fill in my life. (Mary Ann Dimand 9:22am May 23, 2013)
I've lost friends, found them again years later. What joy when that happens unexpectedly. (Mary Hay 10:40am May 23, 2013)
i have lost some but lately finding again! thanks (Debbi Shaw 5:07pm May 23, 2013)
I have a friend that I haven't talked to for years. I recently retired and on a whim sent an email to the last email address I had for her and it worked! Love reconnecting with old friends. (Michele Hayes 5:15pm May 23, 2013)
I find life for me is less complicated if I pass on close friend and just have close acquintances. (Sheila True 7:12pm May 23, 2013)
I have lost a couple of good friends that died and miss them every day (one from cancer and the other from a car accident). Lost another good friend due to an incident which she never apologized to me for (eight yrs. later, she sent me a Christmas card out of the blue, saying she frequently thinks about me, but still no apology). I didn't respond to her, since I've been hurt all these years by what she did. I think her guilt led up to her sending the card, that stated, "Write to me." Some lost friendships aren't worth resolving. I love the beautiful book cover for When the Morning Glory Blooms. Would love to read it. (Linda Luinstra 7:18pm May 23, 2013)
I've lost several good friends over both serious and mundane issues. It's worse when they are family members. I sat and read When the Morning Glory Blooms in 2 hours while the kids napped. I cried through the entire thing. The mother's heart bleeding out on each page interwoven with loss and hope and sorrow and joy. Definitely one I want in my library! :) (Sarah Peloquin 8:59pm May 23, 2013)
I love it when you can talk to friends about anything and no offense is taken, but that's rare. For most people I find that there are subjects you just don't discuss. (Diane Sallans 10:21pm May 23, 2013)
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