Fresh Fiction Blog | Joan Swan | The Only Constant Is Change

Maybe trite, a tad cliché, but too true not to reiterate.

Change applies to everyone, across races, zip codes and income brackets. So whether you’ve come to Fresh Fiction as a writer or a reader or both, I hope you find value in this post.

If you are a writer, your life revolves around change. Whether pubbed or pre-pubbed, writers all deal with those shifting plot lines, that character who insists he will absolutely not wear loafers, the disappointment of losing a critique partner or turmoil of diminished writing time.

If you’re published there are even more areas for potential change, such as needing to write in a new genre, changing your voice or adopting a pseudonym. What happens if your agent gets pregnant and goes out on maternity leave, or your publishing house reorganizes and you find yourself with a new editor, or worse, the house drops the line you write for…and you have no editor? This industry constantly changes cover art, titles, release dates, promotional offerings, conference dates…

I could go on, but I won’t. My point is that change is unavoidable. It's not a matter of whether or not it will happen, but when. The more you anticipate and plan for the possibility of change, the less stress you'll have when it appears.

Change—good and bad—induces stress. Negative stress often occupies our mind and sets writing production back. And, like a downward spiral, that lag in productivity creates irritability and…you guessed it…more stress. In short, it's just no fun--for any of us, including those who have to live with us.

Here are a few strategies for dealing with change that have worked for me over the years.

Prepare
Seems counter intuitive, doesn't it? How can you prepare for something you don't know will happen? Or what form it will take if it does occur? Here's my motto: Hope for the best, prepare for the worst. Some might find that pessimistic; I consider it realistic. I aim for the best possible outcome. In the moment, my mind, heart and soul are focused on the positive so I attract positivity in its strongest form. At some point previously, I've spent a small amount of time assessing the risk and planning for the less optimal outcome. And in preparing for the worst, you’re also prepared for all possibilities in between, from minor-tweak to not-so-bad to oh-shit. Everyone can anticipate what might "go wrong" in various situations—like when an editor might have an issue with your submission or when a trip might get cancelled. Keep your intuition "on" and you will be surprised how many changes you can anticipate and even 'cut off at the pass'.
Accept
You don't have to like it. You don't have to agree with it. You don't have to be passive about it. But change is inherent in life and acceptance is healthy--for mind and body. The easier you accept change, the easier it is to deal with. The quicker you embrace change, the faster you can make the new situation work in your favor. Accepting change reduces stress and allows you to perform and react in positive ways you wouldn’t see if you were fighting against it. There is no benefit to battling change, unless you consider headaches, ulcers and high blood pressure benefits.
Look for opportunities
When change hits you from behind, something you couldn't plan for or even anticipate, look for the opportunities in the new situation. I believe everything happens for a reason, and there have been countless times in my life when I thought a change would be the worst possible situation only to have it shift and turn into something better than I could have hoped for. But you can't see an opportunity for something new--growth, expansion, love, appreciation, anything--while you're focused on the negative or fighting a change that's already taken place.

Taking the good with the bad, looking for hidden opportunities and staying positive while seeking the best possible outcome can reduced the stress inherent in change and allowed you to enjoy the inevitable changes life brings.

Does change unseat you or do you go with the flow? How does change affect your life—emotionally and physically? How do you deal with change?

Giveaway: Since my debut, FEVER, doesn’t come out until April 2012, I’m giving away a $15 Amazon gift card today. Just comment by midnight, Sunday, March 13^th, to enter!

Bio:

Joan Swan is a triple RWA® Golden Heart finalist, and a double Kiss of Death Daphne Du Maurier finalist. She writes sexy romantic suspense with a paranormal twist, and debut novel, FEVER, releases from Kensington Brava April, 2012.

Currently, she works as a sonographer at a one of the top ten medical facilities in the nation, and lives in magnificent wine country on the central coast of California with her husband and two daughters.

Find Joan here: Website, Blog, Twitter, Facebook, Savvy Authors

Comments

Most changes I can deal with easily. Some more drastic changes, such as deaths, effect me more. My sister and her children are currently going through some major changes, due to divorce. The all seem to be handling the changes really well, even the 10 year old boy. I am proud of how they have accepted the changes and strived to make the best of them.
(June Manning 1:12am March 13, 2011)

Joan, I do agree with.you...one has to be willing to live in anticipation of
change. Life in not ours to control but rather under our temporary
possession. Everyday I challenge myself to be prepared and ready for
what ever God has for me to receive. Thanks for your sage advise.
(Brandi Evans 1:13am March 13, 2011)

Yes, change is inevitable..some good, some not. We can't avoid
change, no matter the form it is. Some changes are just easier
to handle than others.
(Leanna Morris 1:14am March 13, 2011)

I worry, probably too much. I try to do like you, hope for the best but plan for the worst. I feel that helps me from being caught out unprepared if something bad happens, but I still enjoy and appreciate the good. I also try to look for the positive in change.
(Robin Daily 1:31am March 13, 2011)

It depends on the kind of change. Some is most welcome , but some takes time to adjust to.
(Mary Preston 3:30am March 13, 2011)

I agree with what you have said about change. One of my favorites sayings is, hope is not a plan. I have found that if I have a plan in place, change does go a little better.
[email protected]
(Debbie Penny 6:29am March 13, 2011)

Change is not a problem but an opportunity. We can only move forward to it or
through it to the best of our ability and be willing to give help or accept it
wherever needed.
(Sandra Spilecki 6:48am March 13, 2011)

I tend to be okay with change. It presents new challenges and prevents life from becoming boring.
(Pam Howell 6:55am March 13, 2011)

Change usually scares me. I have some serious life changes ahead that are intimidating me at the moment. I know that failure is a possibility but then again so is success and happiness. If I fail with this challenge I know that life will throw me another one that I may succeed at.
(Stacie Deramo 7:10am March 13, 2011)

Changes are certainly occurring more frequently and in greater numbers. We all are challenged to adjust.
Blessings,
Marjorie
(Marjorie Carmony 7:28am March 13, 2011)

Sometimes I can be resistant to change, but I have found that change can be a good thing.
(Cheryl Castings 8:26am March 13, 2011)

Having a daughter who's had one medical issue after another
throughout her life, I've had to quickly learn to adapt to
change in order to handle whatever is thrown at me next.
(Margay Roberge 8:45am March 13, 2011)

I don't know there's an easy answer to that. Had I lived in Japan in the last couple days, I'd be lost and hope only that my family survived. It's a total life changing thing, losing home, jobs, lost from family, loss of cars and all pssessions, cars, and possible nuclear problems, I doubt I'd handle that very well. They can't even go to friends and family for help if friends and family are in the same position. Put that against regular change and I think I could roll with the punches life hands us. Not all change is bad if you've learned to be thankful for the good things in life.
(Christina Harrison 9:08am March 13, 2011)

Change is inevitable. Nothing stays the same in life. Whatever is happening in one's life either good or bad, it will pass.
(Denise Malia 9:14am March 13, 2011)

It seems the older I get the more I dislike changes. But, what are you going to do? They have to be accepted whether agreeable or not. Happy Sunday!
(Karen Gervasi 9:56am March 13, 2011)

In most cases, change doesn't affect me one way or the other. There's nothing I can do about it, so I just take it the way it comes, and deal with it. If it happens to be something that won't be in my favor, I digest the situation, file it away in my mental file cabinet, and let it go. Otherwise, it would gnaw away at me and cause a lot of anguish. I found out a long time ago what type of problems anguish causes both mentally and physically, and would prefer not to go through that. It makes you a much happier person just to file it away. Congratulations on your new book. I'll have to take a look at it when it comes out.
(Peggy Roberson 9:57am March 13, 2011)

June, Yes, the larger changes are always the hardest. Seem to linger. But everyone reacts differently to the same situation based on circumstance, personality, past. It's a great element of life to remember when creating characters too. :)

Good luck to you sister and her family. That's a tough situation and it sounds like she's doing well.

Joan
(Joan Swan 11:16am March 13, 2011)

Brandi,

Beautifully said! Thank you for coming by!

Joan
(Joan Swan 11:16am March 13, 2011)

Robin,
You sound balanced and aware. What more can we do? You've got all the pieces in place.
Joan
(Joan Swan 11:18am March 13, 2011)

Mary,
Definitely, the type of change makes all the difference in the reaction and transition time. Thanks for coming by.
Joan
(Joan Swan 11:18am March 13, 2011)

Debbie,
"Hope is not a plan." I love it!
Joan
(Joan Swan 11:19am March 13, 2011)

Sandra,
"Change is not a problem but an opportunity." Very nice! Love your optimism!
Joan
(Joan Swan 11:20am March 13, 2011)

Hi Stacie,
I too try to take the "learning opportunity" when change happens that I'm not thrilled with. And I've noticed that as I get older, I'm less interested in being flexible to that change :).
Joan
(Joan Swan 11:32am March 13, 2011)

Marjorie,
So, so true. Scary. And you bring up a good point--adjustment abilities are a valuable skill.
Joan
(Joan Swan 11:32am March 13, 2011)

Margay,
I've worked in the medical field for 20 years, so I hear you loud and clear. One of the most changing areas of life and professions around, from every perspective. I'm sure the ability to change helped you adapt and get through those rough years.
Hope you daughter is better.
Joan
(Joan Swan 11:34am March 13, 2011)

Christina,
Those tragic events put everything in perspective, don't they? The things we worry about, the changes we resist in everyday life seem miniscule in comparison. But I always say, "It's all relative." Events are important or tough or challenging to each one of us based on our past experiences. And as far as Japan, I think that would rate up in the catastrophic change scale, not anything someone could anticipate or plan to ever have to deal with in their lifetime. At that point it's a coping mechanism.
Joan
(Joan Swan 11:38am March 13, 2011)

Denise,
Good point of view. When something difficult or bad or frustrating is happening in my life, I visualize a time in the future that is back to normal or even better because of the troubling situation and say to myself, "This can't last forever." "This too shall change."
It helps to know there is an end in sight, even if you can't see it or know what it will be.
Joan
(Joan Swan 11:40am March 13, 2011)

Karen,
I'm so right there with you! I've found I'm far more resistant to change as I get older, have less patience for change. But as you said, like it or not, change happens.
Joan
(Joan Swan 11:41am March 13, 2011)

Peggy,
Well said and so true. That resistance to accept change eats at you--physically and mentally--and it doesn't change the situation. I don't think one should be passive or passively allow things to happen to them. Definitely, if you can affect the negative changes occuring, get out there! But if you can't control it, then let it go.
You've got a very healthy outlook.
Joan
(Joan Swan 11:44am March 13, 2011)

Wonderful advice & great outlook, Joan! My husband & I have been through several serious illnesses, a lot of loss & pretty consistent hard times. We've learned these things the hard way. I'm a great fan of the Serenity Prayer. Learning to let go what I cannot change or fix has made so much of it easier to cope with.
(Kay Martinez 12:16pm March 13, 2011)

Kay,
So true. Kudos for you and your husband not only getting through those hard times, but getting through them together!
Joan
(Joan Swan 12:23pm March 13, 2011)

I try to go with the flow, but I'll fret a lot about the changes. Thanks for your tips of dealing with change.
(Yuka Liew 12:34pm March 13, 2011)

Some change I can take easily, but other change I fight---I suppose that is normal.
(Sue Farrell 1:16pm March 13, 2011)

As a child of older parents, I've found them unable and
incapable to accept changes due to age and health. I've seen
first hand how miserable they are at the smallest change in
their routines even when these changes improve things in
their life. I've vowed to my kids and self to be open to
changes so that as I get older and they are helping out that
I will not make life harder for them by resisting change. I
embrace small changes as they happen and work to accept them
so that large changes are not so scary.
(Lisa Richards 1:18pm March 13, 2011)

I have observed my parents. They have refused to accept change and what worst is that they have been standing on the sidelines. They still try to lecture me into standing on the sidelines but I refused to. I have made some pretty good decisions because I have always prepare for the worst. If I was standing on the sidelines, I would have and I would have missed several opportunities as well.
(Kai Wong 1:38pm March 13, 2011)

Joan,
I agree - change is constant - even when it seems everything is staying the same... well, it isn't. Some people might try to be stagnant or refuse to adapt, but the world moves on around him/her.
Change can be scary and exciting... but sometimes change is just... something a little different that you're actually used to. I could go for some change right now. This was a great post - and so sensible! Wish more people felt the same way.
(Although - sometimes I will say change can be bad, and rushing headlong into something you (plural) don't understand... isn't very good for anyone in the long run. Bleh. Also applicable to publishing.)
(Elle C 1:38pm March 13, 2011)

Congrats on your debut!
I like change in small steps, but that does not always happen... I try to go along but I do stress easily... it takes me alittle bit of time to adjust...
(Colleen Conklin 1:38pm March 13, 2011)

Some changes in my life have been good and others have been hard, like the death of my husband. I have learned it's better to keep a positive attitude and try to accept the changes.
(Anna Speed 1:49pm March 13, 2011)

well i agree with you a lot things have to change and i am on some authors sites and they are saying we need the good guy and monster or what ever your book about some have great time doing it some do not but i read them and i will blog on them and then i do di it al ot
(Desiree Reilly 1:56pm March 13, 2011)

I have found also that change is inevitable. You just have to think positive, and go with the flow. Sometimes new doors open
(Dianne Nichols 2:20pm March 13, 2011)

I love the Serenity Prayer:-

God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change... The Courage to change the things I can...
and the Wisdom to know the difference.
(Diane Diamond 2:23pm March 13, 2011)

If I've decided to make a change then I'm all for it and ready for things to get into motion. But if it's something that I didn't have a hand in I'm a bit hesitant,but find a positive out of it.
(Leni Kaye 2:28pm March 13, 2011)

I like your three hints to working with change. I am used to the prepare part but need to work more on the accept part. I find that the looking for opportunities comes partnered with the prepare agenda.
(Carol Drummond 2:28pm March 13, 2011)

One of my favorite quotes is "Only wet babies like change." I hope I'm doing better than that!
(G S Moch 2:47pm March 13, 2011)

I usually go with the flow, that could be because, as an army
child my life was constantly changing every time my Dad got
moved.
(Ilona Fenton 3:25pm March 13, 2011)

I have never been a good one for change. Recently some major changes have come my way, and I am proud of myself, I didn't like the changes, but I was able to adjust, accept, and live with them. Your philosophy is a good one.

One of my DH sayings is to look at a glass as half full instead of halp empty. Very true.
(Cathy Phillips 3:38pm March 13, 2011)

Because of my husband's work, we were moving a lot in times past. It was fortunate that I did tend to embrace change and worked best with changes by being immersed in them.
(G. Bisbjerg 4:21pm March 13, 2011)

Lisa,
I see the same thing with my aging parents. It's hard to watch. Kudos to you for taking a different road.
Joan
(Joan Swan 5:04pm March 13, 2011)

Sue,
It's all about battles and wars, right?
Joan
(Joan Swan 5:06pm March 13, 2011)

Kai,
Congrats on making your own path. That is so hard to do when you're getting pressure from parents/friends/peers.
Joan
(Joan Swan 5:07pm March 13, 2011)

Elle,
LOL, I could go for some change right now too! :)
Thanks for coming by.
Joan
(Joan Swan 5:16pm March 13, 2011)

Colleen,
Thanks! Baby steps is a great technique in dealing with big changes. Smart lady!
Joan
(Joan Swan 5:17pm March 13, 2011)

Anna,
I can't even imagine how hard it would be to accept and/or deal with the loss of your husband. I'm so sorry. You have such a great attitude.
Joan
(Joan Swan 5:18pm March 13, 2011)

Diane,
I'm thinking I need to get that prayer in some form to put on the wall - poster, plaque - and keep it in front of me all the time.
Joan
(Joan Swan 5:21pm March 13, 2011)

Leni,
Mind over matter, that's a good point. Once you've got your mind behind something, it's like a bulldozer digging the path.
Joan
(Joan Swan 5:22pm March 13, 2011)

Hi Carol,
I had a hard time with the Accept part for a very, very long time. Still do! For me, that has to do with my personality - I like to have things under control. But that's not change. So to accept, I had to let go of having to be in control of every situation, every other person, etc. You've got a great start.
Joan
(Joan Swan 5:24pm March 13, 2011)

Ilona,
You learned how to adapt at a young age - a jump start on all of us. :)
(Joan Swan 5:25pm March 13, 2011)

Nice Cathy. Congrats on that success.
I've tried for years to see the glass as half full, and this is a subject that could go into a whole other post, but I believe there are optimists, pessimists and realists. I used to think I was a glass half empty, but I've come to discover I'm more of a realist - someone who recognizes the reality of the challenges, but is optimistic for success.
(Joan Swan 5:33pm March 13, 2011)

G,
Very fortunate. With that situation, if you had resisted the changes it could have caused so much trauma for you and your family. Congrats on recognizing the need to accept the changes in your life.
(Joan Swan 5:35pm March 13, 2011)

There are times when we don't want to change, we feel safe doing the same routine. But I think change is a good thing ,once and a while.
(Deb Pelletier 5:40pm March 13, 2011)

I am not nor have i ever been a fan of change. I have however hit 40 this year and see that it's not something you can do alot about when it out of your control. therefore i try to not over think it and go with the flow. Dwelling on it only leads to stress and anxiety that is not good for your health. Best thing you can do is look for something good in whatever change has come your way and concentrate on that.

Lisa B
(Lisa Boggs 5:56pm March 13, 2011)

Is change the same as unexpected occurances that you have to deal with? Because just as I think I've got things under control, like things that I have to do, something comes out of the blue that I have to take care of & that changes my plan. It's like the universe laughs when we think we have things planned & under control. When I freak too much, I try to remember that most of these issues aren't really important. If it's not a health issue, we can deal with it easier. My heart goes out to those in Japan and all the other prior earthquake victims that probably feel that their world has come to an end. But with help somehow things get better, but are drastically changed.
(Diane Sallans 6:26pm March 13, 2011)

We all get into ruts and it's harder and harder to change; but in this fast paced world, we must adapt.
(Diane Sadler 7:08pm March 13, 2011)

I don't do change very well. My life has been full of upheavals and these days I wish for a steady peaceful existence.
(Kirsten Kimball 7:21pm March 13, 2011)

I guess, for me, it depends on the nature and magnitude of the change. I
do tend to get stressed. I vent to hubby, cry a little, and then take on the
change. After all,what can not be cured, must be endured.

All change is not bad and makes life interesting.
(Mona Garg 7:37pm March 13, 2011)

I give myself a few minutes to rant and rave about any big change in my life before going forward to handle it.
(S Tieh 8:04pm March 13, 2011)

While I LOVE structure and organization, occasional change can also be exhilarating.
(Melissa Maringer 9:09pm March 13, 2011)

Changes are indeed inevitable, so one's attitude for accepting them does mean a lot when they come. Often changes can be good and can make life more interesting. Try to ride with the flow.
(Gladys Paradowski 9:18pm March 13, 2011)

Some good advice. It depends on the what, how, when, warning etc as to whether I handle change as if it's nothing all or major issue.
(d Kenney 9:25pm March 13, 2011)

I was never good with change and have had lots in the last 10 years, but all seem to have happened for reasons beyond my knowledge. Now, I am trying to remember to look for the good.
(Debra Simning-Chapman 10:25pm March 13, 2011)

Deb,
Just the word "routine" makes me all warm and fuzzy inside, like comfort food. Of course that is a routine of my own making that sets my day right.
Joan
(Joan Swan 10:31pm March 13, 2011)

Lisa B,
Don't you just love the benefit of wisdom as you age? It's a beautiful thing! Welcome to the forties :)
Joan
(Joan Swan 10:33pm March 13, 2011)

Diane S.,
I'd have to say, yes, change are those things that mess up all your well laid plans. "It's like the universe laughs when we think we have things planned & under control." I love this -- almost like the universe is smacking us back in line, huh?
Because I work in medicine and see incredibly sick people, including children, your point on having your health is very well taken.
Appreciating everything you DO have helps you take those changes and maybe the things you DON'T have in stride.
Joan
(Joan Swan 10:36pm March 13, 2011)

Diane Sadler,
(Wow, lots of Dianes!)
This world does change...beyond fast, and while you have a choice whether or not to change with it, you'll also feel consequences with each decision. Good thought.
Joan
(Joan Swan 10:38pm March 13, 2011)

Kirsten,
So sorry your going through rough times. When we get pounded again and again with those upheavals you mentioned, it's hard to keep accepting the change. Hang in there! The great thing about change--is that it changes. Things are bound to get better. I hope it's soon!
Joan
(Joan Swan 10:42pm March 13, 2011)

Sara,
You're in a fantastic transition spot! And you're right, I think learning to accept with change is a learned technique, not necessarily a skill you're born with...although certain personalities deal with it better than others (like me :)
(Joan Swan 10:44pm March 13, 2011)

Mona,
Good point -- makes life interesting. Very true. It's like not being able to appreciate nice if there is no mean.
Thanks for coming by.
Joan
(Joan Swan 10:45pm March 13, 2011)

S Tieh,
Totally healthy! I've been off and on journaling for years. Recently, I decided my journal was going to be where I, as you so perfectly put it, rant and rave for a few minutes. Now I look forward to my journaling. It's like taking the top off a pressure cooker!
Joan
(Joan Swan 10:47pm March 13, 2011)

Melissa,
Can you share some of the love??? I need some love of the structured and organized. Actually, come to think of it...I do love structured and organized - but only if someone else does that part for me. I like the end result. :)
(Joan Swan 10:48pm March 13, 2011)

Gladys,
Well said and I particularly love your word choice there of "attitude". Attitude is more than a positive or negative outlook, it combines an emotion (either good or bad) with that outlook. Everyone has the power to change both their outlook and the emotion they attatch to that outlook.
Joan
(Joan Swan 10:51pm March 13, 2011)

d Kenny,
Soooo true. Man don't hit me with change on a bad day! Or I'm going to have some of Gladys' attitude and I'll be utilizing a little of S Tieh's ranting and raving! :)
Joan
(Joan Swan 10:52pm March 13, 2011)

Debra S.,
That is a concept that it took me a long time to understand--that sometimes you won't immediately see the reason for a change (especially a bad one). That often the meaning of a change will be recognized in hindsight. Now, when I can't make any sense of a negative shift, I tell myself that I'll look back on it and understand.
Joan
(Joan Swan 10:55pm March 13, 2011)

Oh, Sara,
I meant "me" being the "other" that *doesn't* always deal with it all that well -- it sounded like I was being a little snobby there. Didn't quite come out the way I meant. :)
Joan
(Joan Swan 10:57pm March 13, 2011)

Change is never easy for anyone but with Gods help we all get thru it,one day at a time. Thanks for the contest.
(Teresa Ward 11:38pm March 13, 2011)

I totally agree on those strategies!!
Great post!
(Birgit Lehner 7:47am March 14, 2011)

I'm in my 60's so change has become the norm and is no longer a surprise. My husband was in the Navy during Vietnam and you learned to live with inconsistancy and seperation. Since than with the many times we have faced change and adversity in jobs and financial concerns like so many today we have found we have to be flexible. We live in New England but that meant that during the early 80's my husband ended up working underground in a copper mine in Arizona and two years recently he ended up in Wyoming in order to find work.

We have found that by being able to accept change of circumstances and "role identiy" that our love has grown and our respect for each other has grown with it. My children are stronger parents today because they learned to grow with us in accepting change and becoming better stronger people because of it.
(Jeanne Miro 10:55am March 14, 2011)

Jeanne,
Your life sounds very similiar to mine with my husband. As a career firefighter, his schedule is completely unpredictable and he can stay away from home for days and weeks at a time with no notice. Hard on a family and a relationship -- being flexible and learning to accept change is the only way to get through. And you're right it's a valuable lesson to teach your children through example!
Joan
(Joan Swan 12:25pm March 14, 2011)

WINNER: Random.org chose commenter number 10! Marjorie Carmony! I will contact Fresh Fiction to get your email and contact you to gather your address to send your Amazon GC. If you happen to see this first, email me at ultraswan AT hotmail DOT com.

Thanks, everyone, for coming by and commenting!

Look for my paranormal romantic suspense debut, FEVER, April 2012!

Joan
(Joan Swan 12:30pm March 14, 2011)

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