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Roz Lee | Fly Baby, Fly
March 10, 2012
We've all heard about it, if not experienced it for ourselves – the empty
nest. It's that time in our life when we find ourselves at a loss. We usually
associate it with our adult children leaving the family home to begin a life on
their own. Suddenly, there's a gap in our lives. Our carefully mapped out
routine is no longer viable. We have time on our hands we don't know what to do
with. And then, there's that empty room in the house. Walls that once were the
backdrop for hopes, dreams and memories stare blankly now, waiting for us to
define their new purpose. I've been there – in the literal sense, twice now. Both our girls have
left home – more or less – and I've managed to fill my extra time
with a new writing career. It fills the empty place in my life with purpose. I
have a reason to get out of bed, something to nurture, something to inflict my
life-views and values upon. But there's another kind of empty nest syndrome that is unique to this new
career of mine. Writer's Empty Nest Syndrome. It occurs when our baby, the child
of our labors sets out on its own. We do our best to prepare it for the world it
will face without us. We nurture, we edit, we polish. We dress it in pretty
clothes and give it a gentle push. Fly baby, fly. Our book is out in the big bad world, and all we can do is sit back and watch it
test its wings. We have all the same anxiety that accompanies the child of our
flesh leaving the familial nest. Will it find a home? Will it find someone who
will love it unconditionally? Will it soar, or will its path to success be
difficult? Will it ever find success, or will it constantly be seeking its place
in the world? And just like with our children, all we can really do is sit back and watch. We
watch and wait with bated breath – arms outstretched, wishing we could
shelter it from the harsh realities of the world – all the while knowing
our creation is completely on its own. Our heart aches. We hold it close to our
breast when arrows are slung at it, and spread our joy when it flirts with
success. We absorb its sorrows into our heart, and as we did when our children came to us
weeping, wondering why the other children were not kind, we tell our creation
that not everyone will be our friend. It's impossible to please everyone, so be
true to who you are and those who are your friends will stay by your side. And
then we encourage our creation to seek out new friends – ones that will
appreciate it for who it really is. And while all this is going on, we sit down at our computer and face a blank
screen. Where once, not so long ago, the screen was filled with hopes, dreams
and memories, there is nothing. A big empty room. We've sent those words out
into the world to soar or to fail. It's time to redecorate, to find a new paint
color, new furnishings for our blank little world. We allow ourselves a moment of melancholy for what was, and then we press the
magic button – create new document. And it begins again. We tentatively
type the first words of a new world, a new creation. Hope fills us. One day we
will send this new creation out into the world carrying a piece of our heart
with it, a piece of who we are. With a bit of luck, it will make friends and
have a long and happy life apart from us, but always a part of us. As I finish typing this blog post, I realize, perhaps my analogy is off. Perhaps
I should title it something like Sink or Swim, given the nature of my
Lothario series books! Well, that bird has flown the coop, or should I
say, that ship has sailed? Have you experienced an empty nest? And if
so, how did you cope with it? Leave a comment to win an ebook copy of UNDER THE COVERS, the fifth
book in the Lothario series, and the most recent one I've kicked out of
the nest!
Comments
63 comments posted.
Re: Roz Lee | Fly Baby, Fly
While I know nothing of the empty nest syndrome since I
never experienced motherhood, I do understand. But I admire
the fact that you've set out to write a book and have been
successful at it. I've always felt I had it in me to write
but so far I've put it off. I'm not sure if I'm avoiding
the work and effort or the fear that I really don't have the
talent to do it. Hopefully, I put the fear aside and give
it a try. You never know...
(Karen Gales 12:25pm March 10, 2012)
Karen - Thanks for stopping by. The hardest part of writing a
book is the telling the story. The mechanics of writing can be
learned, but creating a story and telling it in a compelling way
is something I think you either have in you, or you don't. The
problem is, you don't know if you have it unless you give it a
try. So, tell the story first, learn the mechanics (grammar and
punctuation) later. And yes, it is hard work. Best of luck!
(Roz Lee 12:37pm March 10, 2012)
Mine are all still at home at present however, my oldest daughter is buying a house at present. My youngest daughter has already planned to take over her room and keep her present room as a dressing room - so that solves the blank room option. And when my son leaves she plans to make his room her lounge. And she only plans to leave temperarily to go on digs. She has my house all sorted!
(Barbara Hanson 5:25am March 10, 2012)
I'm trying really really hard to experience the empty nest thing lol. My daughter is still at home, with my grandson, and her boyfriend :/ Is it wrong to want an empty nest? I'm so ready for it to happen :)
(MaDonna Lemmen 7:50am March 10, 2012)
I have all 3 of my daughters are now out on their own and right before the youngest left I got divorced. So now I'm on my own with 2 cats and I'm still learning how to cope. I had my oldest at 19 and now at 46 I'm single, living by myself in a 3 room apartment. I found I needed a creative outlet so I do alot of different crafts and paint and do needle felting and it helps.
(Liz Cranage 9:18am March 10, 2012)
Hi Barbara! Sounds like your empty room problem is solved!
Thanks for stopping by!
(Roz Lee 10:08am March 10, 2012)
MaDonna - LOL I hear you! No, I don't think it's wrong to want
your children to go out on their own. Isn't that the goal for
all of us? Best of luck. Passing along some patience to you!
(Roz Lee 10:10am March 10, 2012)
Liz - It sounds like you're finding your way. It's hard when
we've spent so much of our life thinking of others first to
shift our focus to ourselves, and what we want. Best of luck.
By the way, what is needle felting? Don't think I've heard of
that.
(Roz Lee 10:12am March 10, 2012)
I experience the empty nest for 2 months and then the kids moved back home...I would love to have my nest empty again for the quietness and space but that is not going to happen..my elderly parents are moving in now too...I love everyone to death but now I take weekend trips to get away from it all...which of course is wonderful!! Best of both!!
(Dawn Staniszeski 10:13am March 10, 2012)
I had never thought of comparing children leaving home with having a book out on its own; but I see what you mean. Waiting to see how well a book sells must be a quite an experience. Best of luck with Under the Covers.
(Gladys Paradowski 10:14am March 10, 2012)
My daughter is only 3 yrs old so she'll be here for a while... :)
(May Pau 10:26am March 10, 2012)
Roz, this is such a beautiful and true post! You have nailed exactly how I feel when one of my books is released, and I am faced with creatinga new one. Wonderful job and congrats on your new release - I adore the Lothario series!
(Jennifer Probst 10:36am March 10, 2012)
Roz, after empty nest comes...
grandkids! That is fun to look forward to.
(Mary Hay 10:50am March 10, 2012)
My children have been gone from home for a long time. I have grandchildren and great-grandchildren. They are a joy.
(Wilma Frana 11:15am March 10, 2012)
Roz - I'm at the point of drumming my fingers on my desk, waiting for my kids
to leave already, lol! But I totally get the book thing. Scary. You put it in a way I
hadn't thought about before - well done, my dear!
(Christine Ashworth 11:18am March 10, 2012)
Hi Roz! I loved your analogy and actually look forward to one day experiencing both. I'm excited to watch my boys' hopes and dreams come true. And well, I hope *my* hopes and dreams come true with my writing. You've gotta set things free to watch them soar, right?
(Robin Bielman 12:04pm March 10, 2012)
HI Roz - It's hard letting our babies go...we want to hold on until we are certain, that they won't sink. We want them perfect before we allow them entrance into the world!! As a mom of two children who have flown the coop and many books, I've been hit with empty nest, now 37 times!! It doesn't get any easier!
(Charlene Sands 12:36pm March 10, 2012)
Dawn - I know how you feel! Mine have come and gone a few
times as they've tested their wings. The advantage is the
weekend getaways - for sure. Hang in there!
(Roz Lee 1:11pm March 10, 2012)
I'm feeling that exact emotion right now. I sent my final edit of my YA debut to my editor and it's a very strange sensation. Great Post.
Janie
(Janie Emaus 1:12pm March 10, 2012)
Gladys, it is very much the same, and I'm sure every person
who creates feels the same way. Thanks for stopping by!
(Roz Lee 1:12pm March 10, 2012)
May - that is such a wonderful age! At three they communicate
and you start to see a glimmer of the person they will become.
Enjoy it while you can. The years will fly by. Trust me!
(Roz Lee 1:14pm March 10, 2012)
Hi Jennifer! Thanks for stopping by!You've nothing to worry
about, your babies fly off the shelves!
(Roz Lee 1:16pm March 10, 2012)
Mary - LOL I suppose that will come one day, but as I told my
girls years ago - I'll be the best grandma ever, but I want to
be an old grandma. No need to rush things on my behalf!
(Roz Lee 1:17pm March 10, 2012)
Wilma - How wonderful for you! That must keep you busy! Thanks
for stopping by!
(Roz Lee 1:17pm March 10, 2012)
Christine - Thanks for stopping by. The kids will fly the coop
soon enough, and then you can watch them fly, right alongside
your wonderful books!
(Roz Lee 1:19pm March 10, 2012)
Robin - Thanks so much for stopping by! It won't be long
before you give that gentle nudge and send one out into the
world. When you do, just reach out and I'll be there to hold
your hand!
(Roz Lee 1:22pm March 10, 2012)
Charlene - 37 times!!! My heart stops at the thought of doing
this that many times! But you have survived, and are still
creating those wonderful cowboys, so I'll take heart and
follow your example! Thanks for stopping by!
(Roz Lee 1:24pm March 10, 2012)
Oh Janie! Congratulations, and best wishes. As terrifying as
it is, it's exhilarating too. Fly baby, fly!
(Roz Lee 1:25pm March 10, 2012)
no empty nest for me... have not made a nest yet...
(Colleen Conklin 1:51pm March 10, 2012)
I had an empty nest for exactly 1 yr. My youngest moved back in for the fourth time at age 32. When my husband was alive we had children from the time of our marriage and only were alone for a year and a half before they started moving back in. It's really a comfort for me.
(Theresa Hurley 2:14pm March 10, 2012)
Colleen - I'm sure there's time for nest building yet, whether
for kids or for some other creation. Thanks for stopping by.
(Roz Lee 3:17pm March 10, 2012)
Theresa - So sorry for your loss. As you say, it's a comfort
to have them home. They probably don't see it that way, but
from a mother's viewpoint, it's one less worry, and eases the
loneliness.Thanks for stopping by today.
(Roz Lee 3:19pm March 10, 2012)
What a great way to describe the creative process! And it's valid not just for writing books, but also for music, theatre, movies, etc.
My empty nest happened kind of in reverse to the traditional version (kids leaving). My happened through the death of my parents, but the feeling if the same.
Later,
Lynn
(Lynn Rettig 3:28pm March 10, 2012)
I have experienced the empty nest syndrome after raising three sons. There are times when they're young, when you wish they were out of your hair (that's why the peaceful moments when gone to school or with friends were so nice to fit it what I wanted to get done). Then when they've grown and left, it's too quiet and peaceful, and you begin to miss the noise, chaos, cooking bigger meals, the interaction of helping them with homework, playing games, and running them to their activities, and long to have it all back again. The realization kicks in of how fast they grew up, and where did the time go. Then you wait for them to get married and have children to share some of your time with. I have one grandson which I don't see as often as I'd like, since he lives in another state. But he's joy to have around when I do see him, we have so much fun!
(Linda Luinstra 3:39pm March 10, 2012)
Great analogy, Roz. We have about as much control over the
offspring's success on both accounts!
Best,
Christine London
(Christine London 4:44pm March 10, 2012)
Hi Lynn! Thanks for stopping by. Yes, the process happens to
all of us in varying ways, but as you point out, the feeling
is much the same.
(Roz Lee 5:49pm March 10, 2012)
Linda - those peaceful childhood moments are treasures. I'm
looking forward to sharing the next step with my girls and
hopefully some grandchildren I can spoil and send home! Thanks
for stopping by.
(Roz Lee 5:52pm March 10, 2012)
Christine L. - How true! All we can do is give them the best
of ourselves, and hope it will be enough. I hope all of your
offspring are doing well. I've certainly enjoyed reading your
literary ones! Thanks for stopping by.
(Roz Lee 5:54pm March 10, 2012)
What a fantastic analogy - I never saw the process in quite that light before, but it is so true - my mother has never had to go through that, although she probably wishes she has - LOL - my three older brothers have been on their own for years, however, my son Joseph, who is 28, and I have been still been at home. We still talk about when my brothers' friends would stop by our house after dates, bringing along their girlfriends, and mom would have some coffee on for them. I always felt so cool hanging out with the "big kids"!!!
(Felicia Ciaudelli 5:55pm March 10, 2012)
I can't imagine how scary it is to put your blood, sweat and tears into a book and then have to send it out into the wild. I don't think I would be able to do it. My skin is too thin. I wouldn't be able to handle the anxiety. I applaud you for being able to do it.
(Stacie Deramo 6:34pm March 10, 2012)
My daughter got married about 3 years ago. Now shes back home,things did't work out for. I like having her back home for now. Thanks for giving me a chance to win your book.
(Linda Hall 7:08pm March 10, 2012)
No empty nest yet. My daughter is 13 . I would love to win your book!
(Tammy Yenalavitch 7:16pm March 10, 2012)
Great analogy!
(Cheryl McEwen 7:42pm March 10, 2012)
Hi Roz!
You said this so beautifully. I have experienced both the family empty nest AND the writer's empty nest. I get very sad when my time spent with my characters must come to an end. I think that's why I like to write trilogies! (Like you). Well, you are a wise woman and I know your next baby will swim or fly (whichever way you want it to go).
Best wishes for much success - I was away all day, or I would have commented earlier.
(Lynne Marshall 8:29pm March 10, 2012)
i don't have kids so i will never have a empty nest mine is always empty!!!
(Jennifer Beck 8:48pm March 10, 2012)
Wow I never really thought about it that way. I used to paint, and I was always nervous about how people would respond to my art, so I can relate a little bit. It never occurred to me that authors could feel that way with books. Especially since years can easily go into writing, where as I usually spent a couple days to maybe a month on my paintings. Well good luck to your new books ^^
(Alyssa m 9:05pm March 10, 2012)
Roz,
Loved your heartfelt analogy. You reminded me that we (hubby & me) had a quick entrance into empty-nesterhood. Both "kids" married within four months of each other.
I use the following as my signature in a chatroom.: Empty-nester with a honeymoon attitude.
(Joanne Hicks 9:17pm March 10, 2012)
I wish this wasn't an e-book, because I don't own a Nook or any type of reader, and I would really love to read your book!! As for empty nest syndrome, my Doctor would not allow me to get pregnant due to health problems, but I have suffered from the syndrome nonetheless. That would be from the loss of my Mother. After her passing, even though she didn't live with me, I suffered the same symptoms just the same. I didn't know what I would do with the time I normally spent with her, or the times I picked up the phone, and would hear her voice and laughter on the other end. There were the times we would just sit and crochet together or do other projects. My Dad would sit and shake his head - jokingly of course. As of 2 weeks ago, my Dad suffered a fall in their house, and is in the hospital. At one point, the Doctors didn't think he would make it. Although he isn't in critical condition now, he does have serious health problems, cancer being one of them that have returned, and he is too old (90) for the Doctors to want to operate on him in his condition. His mind has drifted for some reason, and we're all hoping it returns. It's another empty nest moment, and very heart-wrenching for me, due to the fact that I just spoke to him on the phone the day before, and he was just fine. I am the baby of the family, and we fly in many directions, but at moments like this, our wings tend to be clipped a bit, as we're pulled back to reality. I love the cover of your book, and as I stated, I wish it was a choice of regular or e-book. Thank you for a most interesting question. Sorry my answer was so long.
(Peggy Roberson 9:34pm March 10, 2012)
I referred to my empty nest as a little nervous break down. I got a dog! Clearly, I had a bit of temporary insanity. But I have to admit, she is a cutey pie and a love!!
(Jennifer Beyer 10:36pm March 10, 2012)
Felicia - Thanks for stopping by. I'm sure your mother is
grateful for the company!What great memories you have to share
with her!
(Roz Lee 11:45pm March 10, 2012)
My empty nest hit more when my oldest left home to join the navy, than when #2 left to go to school, or even when he moved back, then moved out to move in with his girlfriend. So it hasn't really been too bad. stripped their rooms, made myself an exercise studio and started taking little weekend trips about ever 4 months or so. Not bad.
(Lisa Kendall 11:47pm March 10, 2012)
Stacie - Yes, it takes a thick skin. Not everyone is going to
like your work, just as not everyone is going to be your
friend, but I do my best to shrug off the negative and focus
on the positive. Thanks for stopping by today.
(Roz Lee 11:48pm March 10, 2012)
Linda - So sorry things didn't work out for your daughter, but
that's all part of being a parent, being there to support your
kids, no matter how old they are. Thanks for stopping by!
(Roz Lee 11:49pm March 10, 2012)
Tammy - LOL Yes, you have a ways to go! I'm probably strange,
but I really enjoyed the teenage years with my daughters. Of
course, there was the period of time when I was the stupidest
person on earth (their opinion)! Thankfully, I grew out of it!
Thanks for stopping by.
(Roz Lee 11:51pm March 10, 2012)
Lynne - You are too kind! Bought your book, Courting His
Favorite Nurse today at Target. Can't wait to dive in. My next
baby will, hopefully, zoom away. (It's a racing story). LOL
Thanks for stopping by!
(Roz Lee 11:54pm March 10, 2012)
Jennifer - I'm sure you fill your nest with lots of wonderful
friends and family members! Thanks for stopping by.
(Roz Lee 11:55pm March 10, 2012)
Alyssa - Yes, I suppose the same feeling applies to any
creative outlet. I think it's probably the same feeling that
accounts for stage fright for performers and actors. Everyone
wants acceptance from their audience. Thanks for stopping by.
(Roz Lee 11:57pm March 10, 2012)
JoAnne - That's a great signature line! Wow, 2 weddings in 4
months! That's diving in feet first! Thanks for stopping by.
(Roz Lee 11:59pm March 10, 2012)
Peggy - I feel for you. Caring for aging parents is a
difficult task, making decisions for the people who we think
of as the decision makers. It isn't easy. Blessings to you.
No need to lose out on reading all the wonderful eBooks out
there. Amazon and Barnes & Noble both have free apps for
your computer so you can download and read eBooks. It's not
the same reading experience as a real book, but there are
just so many eBooks now, it's a shame to miss out. Best
wishes for your father's recovery, and thanks for stopping
by.
(Roz Lee 12:04pm March 11, 2012)
Jennifer B. - LOL Hmmm...trading kids for a dog. Sounds good
to me! We still have an eleven-year-old lab who doesn't know
she's a dog. She's a lot of company, and my companion as I
write. She's aging, and I don't know how much longer we'll
have her. That's a loss I'm not looking forward to. Thanks
for stopping by, and give the cutie a kiss for me!
(Roz Lee 12:07pm March 11, 2012)
Lisa - The exercise room sounds like a great idea! And I
really like the idea of the little weekend trips! Give my
thanks to your sailor for serving our country!
(Roz Lee 12:09pm March 11, 2012)
Am I too late? since before my nest emptied, I have wanted to start a small private interactive children's library and museum. I have more than 5000 books, a sarcophagus, a vampire's coffin (yes, the vampire is in it.) oil paintings, bronzes, civil war and WWII memorabilia, etc.
Now I need a building which is easier said than done. But I try.
(Kelly Knapp 5:03pm March 13, 2012)
With and empty nest, I'm writing more and churning out poems at 2 poetry workshops monthly. I find that friends and hobbies take up the slack along with phone calls for health and lending a good listen.
(Alyson Widen 9:43pm March 15, 2012)
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