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Recently I blogged about ten things a Christie Craig heroine would never say. Well, living in an equal opportunity world, giving the male gender their equivalent time in Blog Sphere-hey, I love my heroes!-itís only fair that I tell you the things their testosterone-laden counterparts would never say. Then for kicks, Iím gonna explain why one of my yummy guys would never let those words slip from their lips. Please note, that I didnít say they wouldnít think the words-my heroes are still men, they are just smart enough to never say them. Or at least smart enough to only say Ďem once.

1)"Wanna hear me make farting noises with my armpits?"

We all know men are just little boys at heart. And we love it when they are nervous and go out of their way to impress us. But a CC hero has come to understand that what impresses his homies, i.e. burping lyrics to songs, clearing out a room after ingesting a bean burrito, isnít always appropriate behavior with his woman. At least not until after the honeymoon.

2) "Sure I said I love you, but you didnít think I really meant it, did you?"

No hero of mine is gonna lie to get you in bed. They donít have to pull that trick. Their sexy grins and hot kisses make it hard for women to say no. When they say I love you, itís not just talk. Donít take that to mean that my heroes are jumping at the bit to take on the ball and chain. Chances are most of my characters, heroes and heroines alike, are a little commitment phobic. That just makes watching them fall smack dab in love more fun.

3) "Sorry babe, that guy has a gun and I found the spot under the bed before you did."

Itís not that a CC hero isnít afraid. They know theyíd better bring an extra pair of undies because there will be a couple of shit-in-your-Hanes moments, but when the crap hits the fan, there is nothing they wouldnít do to keep the woman they love safe.

4) "Sure I believe in foreplay, I can do anything for 45 seconds."

Letís face it, ladies, men are into whamming and bamming, and accidents do happenóeven in my books. However, not only does a CC hero know that if he wants seconds, the original entrťe better be worth re-sampling, he knows that making his woman happy is a big part of his pleasure. Yes, to a certain extent this is due to his ego, but underneath that is a man who really wants to make his girl happy.

5) "Love your meatloaf, too bad itís not as good as my mamaís."

Itís not that CC heroes donít love their mamas. My heroines know that how a man treats the other women in his life is how he will eventually treat them, but to put it bluntly, my heroes arenít stupid. And comparing their womanís cooking to their mamaís is a mistake they would never make. At least not more than once. 6) "Are you bloated or have you put on a few pounds? Shouldnít you let me finish that cheesecake for you?"

For the sake of repeating myself, CC heroes are not stupid! And Iím not going to try to give you the saleís pitch that love is blind, but when a hero really loves his girl, her flaws, like his, are part of the package. He didnít fall for her because sheís Barbie. Chances are heís had Miss Perfect in his bed and found out she didnít fit into his life. He wants a real woman.

7) "Isnít that womanís work?"

Itís true, my heroes are a tad macho. But itís not machismo that keeps a man from helping with the dishes or scrabbling an egg, itís insecurity accompanied with stupidity. Sure a CC hero has a few insecurities, theyíre human, but you gotta know heís man enough to wield a spatula and a drying towel.

8) "I wasnít cheating, I was just checking her for ticks."

Without doubt, a CChero isnít a cheater. Oh, you can betcha heís good looking enough that he gets propositioned, and heís human enough that heís tempted. But it goes back to that stupid issue, and I donít mean just him this time. He knows that the woman he loves isnít ignorant enough to believe the "checking for ticks" excuse, and he also knows part of the reason he loves her is because she came with her own can of whoop-ass and cheating is a sure fire way to get her to open that can.

9) "Is my butt too big?"

Donít get me wrong, my guys can still be caught stopping by a full-length mirror while naked, flexing a few muscles, and mentally calling themselves "hot stuff." They are, after all, men, but my guys arenít conceited or spend time worrying about how they look, they didnít go looking for the mirror, it just happened to be there.

10) "I know itís our first date, but would you like to be introduced to my very own Mr. DoLittle?"

Now, itís not that my hero isnít as eager to get my heroine in the sack as the next guy. If you ask any of them, sex on the first date is gooder than grits. But they have class, and would never rush a girl. I wonít let Ďem, because frankly the sexual tension is best when you have to wait for it. Also, while my heroes wish I wouldnít tell you, but like most men they do name their boy toy. But no hero of mine would call his penis Mr. DoLittle. My heroine, in one of her sassy moments, very well may call it that, but chances are, she hasnít gotten the opportunity to meet the fellow yet and is just being a bit of a smartass. Which is something my hero likes about her, darn it.

Okay, there you have it. Ten things a CC hero would never say.And what Iíd like to hear from you is, what do you think a romance hero would never say? Come on, letís have some fun.




28 comments posted.


I think I could live with number one, but all the others are deal breakers.
(Jane Cheung 3:23am December 16, 2009)

I'll just take care of myself 'cause having sex with you is just too much work.
(Francine Infortunio 8:53am December 16, 2009)


Okay, I have to agree, number one might slip by.

Thanks for popping in.

(Christie Craig 8:57am December 16, 2009)


Too funny. Thanks for stopping by.

(Christie Craig 8:58am December 16, 2009)

I can't imagine a hero saying he'd have to check out what his friends thought about her before he went any further with the relationship.

I had a coupl'a others but other than checking with his MOTHER to see what she thought, I couldn't think of any two "worse" things to say:) The list is looking real good Christie (WG)...none of these bad boys could catch anyone worth having!:)

(Loretta Wheeler 1:15pm December 16, 2009)

LOL He better not say you're getting a fat like Aunt So and So.
(Sandy Marshall 2:07pm December 16, 2009)

Hi Loretta,

Yup, I can see a non-hero guy wanting his bros to give the thumbs up.

Thanks for stopping in.

(Christie Craig 4:42pm December 16, 2009)


And when a girl asks if the jeans make her butt look big, he'd should know how to answer!

But in truth my hubby sucks at that one.

Thanks for dropping by.

(Christie Craig 4:43pm December 16, 2009)

Christie, your list certainly gave me a good laugh. Thank goodness my husband has never said any of those things. I certainly am lucky!
(Rosemary Krejsa 7:08pm December 16, 2009)

Thanks Rosemary. You must have a keeper. Doesn't mean he's perfect, but he's close enough.

Thanks for stopping by.

(Christie Craig 7:33pm December 16, 2009)

The list was hilarious. My hero would never say: real men don't wear condoms. I have actually heard it said & I couldn't leave fast enough.
(Mary Preston 7:56pm December 16, 2009)

this list was fun; it reminds me of a book a read by Linda Howard titled Mr Perfect; it was a wish list for a man in your life, hilarious, until it turned into murder.
(Diane Sadler 9:20pm December 16, 2009)

He would never say, "Did I REALLY say that? I must have been out of my mind!"
(Karin Tillotson 9:59pm December 16, 2009)


Good for you girl. And thanks for stopping by.

(Christie Craig 10:45pm December 16, 2009)


Oh my, I love that book! I love anything by Linda Howard. She actually lives very close to where I grew up. I've had the pleasure of meeting her, even riding with her to a writer's meeting. She's one great lady.

Thanks so much for dropping in.

(Christie Craig 10:48pm December 16, 2009)

Hi Karin,

That's right real heroes own up to what they say and their mistakes. Even if it does cost them.
Thanks for visiting.

(Christie Craig 10:50pm December 16, 2009)

This was fun. I'm against all "gutter" language, lol, and those oh-so-glib lies are not something I'd like to hear from my hero.
(Sigrun Schulz 12:07pm December 17, 2009)

I wanted to think of something for your list but I think you nabbed all the good sayings.
(Gigi Hicks 5:39am December 17, 2009)

Too fun, Christie! Just thought of another thing a CC hero would never say:

"Tiger Woods is my role model."
(Emily Bryan 8:01am December 17, 2009)


Thanks so much for stopping by. I hope the man in your life is real hero.

(Christie Craig 8:06am December 17, 2009)


Thanks for stopping by. We gotta love those men. Well, most of them.

(Christie Craig 8:08am December 17, 2009)


I seriously think that takes the cake!!! Love it.

(Christie Craig 8:09am December 17, 2009)

A hero would never say, if the lady becomes ill or disabled in someway, I'm outta here. Love is perfect in their eyes no matter what happens on the outside.
(Theresa Buckholtz 3:47pm December 17, 2009)

P.S. I love the cover of your book. Between my daughter and myself, we have 5 pugs. You gotta love a pug!
(Theresa Buckholtz 3:48pm December 17, 2009)

I think the cover of your book is a fabulous choice! It catches the eye and makes you want to laugh and to read it!
(Brenda Rupp 10:22pm December 17, 2009)

Hi Theresa,

Five pugs? Wow.

Thanks for dropping by.

(Christie Craig 11:44pm December 17, 2009)


Thanks. I was thrilled with with cover.

(Christie Craig 11:45pm December 17, 2009)

Hilarious as usual, Christie! And it just tickled me when you said, "Chances are he's had Miss Perfect in his bed . . .and wants a real
woman." I love Francine's comment too. Sometimes you have to wonder when they just want a quickie. ( Not that there's anything wrong
with one). BTW, I shall have to check out Mr. Perfect. Here's my attempt at something a romance hero wouldn't say:

"Let's not ride that roller coaster at the fair tonight. I had beans for lunch."
(Julie Robinson 12:44pm December 18, 2009)

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