Christie Craig | TEN THINGS A CHRISTIE CRAIG HERO WOULD NEVER SAY

Recently I blogged about ten things a Christie Craig heroine would never say. Well, living in an equal opportunity world, giving the male gender their equivalent time in Blog Sphere-hey, I love my heroes!-it’s only fair that I tell you the things their testosterone-laden counterparts would never say. Then for kicks, I’m gonna explain why one of my yummy guys would never let those words slip from their lips. Please note, that I didn’t say they wouldn’t think the words-my heroes are still men, they are just smart enough to never say them. Or at least smart enough to only say ‘em once.

1)"Wanna hear me make farting noises with my armpits?"

We all know men are just little boys at heart. And we love it when they are nervous and go out of their way to impress us. But a CC hero has come to understand that what impresses his homies, i.e. burping lyrics to songs, clearing out a room after ingesting a bean burrito, isn’t always appropriate behavior with his woman. At least not until after the honeymoon.

2) "Sure I said I love you, but you didn’t think I really meant it, did you?"

No hero of mine is gonna lie to get you in bed. They don’t have to pull that trick. Their sexy grins and hot kisses make it hard for women to say no. When they say I love you, it’s not just talk. Don’t take that to mean that my heroes are jumping at the bit to take on the ball and chain. Chances are most of my characters, heroes and heroines alike, are a little commitment phobic. That just makes watching them fall smack dab in love more fun.

3) "Sorry babe, that guy has a gun and I found the spot under the bed before you did."

It’s not that a CC hero isn’t afraid. They know they’d better bring an extra pair of undies because there will be a couple of shit-in-your-Hanes moments, but when the crap hits the fan, there is nothing they wouldn’t do to keep the woman they love safe.

4) "Sure I believe in foreplay, I can do anything for 45 seconds."

Let’s face it, ladies, men are into whamming and bamming, and accidents do happen—even in my books. However, not only does a CC hero know that if he wants seconds, the original entrée better be worth re-sampling, he knows that making his woman happy is a big part of his pleasure. Yes, to a certain extent this is due to his ego, but underneath that is a man who really wants to make his girl happy.

5) "Love your meatloaf, too bad it’s not as good as my mama’s."

It’s not that CC heroes don’t love their mamas. My heroines know that how a man treats the other women in his life is how he will eventually treat them, but to put it bluntly, my heroes aren’t stupid. And comparing their woman’s cooking to their mama’s is a mistake they would never make. At least not more than once. 6) "Are you bloated or have you put on a few pounds? Shouldn’t you let me finish that cheesecake for you?"

For the sake of repeating myself, CC heroes are not stupid! And I’m not going to try to give you the sale’s pitch that love is blind, but when a hero really loves his girl, her flaws, like his, are part of the package. He didn’t fall for her because she’s Barbie. Chances are he’s had Miss Perfect in his bed and found out she didn’t fit into his life. He wants a real woman.

7) "Isn’t that woman’s work?"

It’s true, my heroes are a tad macho. But it’s not machismo that keeps a man from helping with the dishes or scrabbling an egg, it’s insecurity accompanied with stupidity. Sure a CC hero has a few insecurities, they’re human, but you gotta know he’s man enough to wield a spatula and a drying towel.

8) "I wasn’t cheating, I was just checking her for ticks."

Without doubt, a CChero isn’t a cheater. Oh, you can betcha he’s good looking enough that he gets propositioned, and he’s human enough that he’s tempted. But it goes back to that stupid issue, and I don’t mean just him this time. He knows that the woman he loves isn’t ignorant enough to believe the "checking for ticks" excuse, and he also knows part of the reason he loves her is because she came with her own can of whoop-ass and cheating is a sure fire way to get her to open that can.

9) "Is my butt too big?"

Don’t get me wrong, my guys can still be caught stopping by a full-length mirror while naked, flexing a few muscles, and mentally calling themselves "hot stuff." They are, after all, men, but my guys aren’t conceited or spend time worrying about how they look, they didn’t go looking for the mirror, it just happened to be there.

10) "I know it’s our first date, but would you like to be introduced to my very own Mr. DoLittle?"

Now, it’s not that my hero isn’t as eager to get my heroine in the sack as the next guy. If you ask any of them, sex on the first date is gooder than grits. But they have class, and would never rush a girl. I won’t let ‘em, because frankly the sexual tension is best when you have to wait for it. Also, while my heroes wish I wouldn’t tell you, but like most men they do name their boy toy. But no hero of mine would call his penis Mr. DoLittle. My heroine, in one of her sassy moments, very well may call it that, but chances are, she hasn’t gotten the opportunity to meet the fellow yet and is just being a bit of a smartass. Which is something my hero likes about her, darn it.

Okay, there you have it. Ten things a CC hero would never say.And what I’d like to hear from you is, what do you think a romance hero would never say? Come on, let’s have some fun.