Sheila Roberts | Resolutions I'm Not Going To Keep

Every year it’s the same old, same old. I resolve to eat less and exercise more, manage my time better, get organized, be a better wife, mother, friend, and person. Be noble, and never get grumpy or lose my temper. In short, be perfect. This year I got in touch with my inner Doctor Phil and asked myself, "How’s that workin’ for ya?" Well, in spite of my resolutions, my caboose has gotten big enough that every kid in the neighborhood could ride on it - at the same time. I’ve lost many an hour of productivity to Facebook and Twitter. (So why I still can’t figure out how to post pictures on my Facebook fan page or decipher half of the shorthand I read on Twitter is a mystery to me.) My daughter complains that she has to check my FB page to see what I’m doing and as for the better wife goal, let’s just say that it’s a good thing my poor husband Gerhardt is longsuffering.

So, in light of all that, what are my resolutions for the New Year?

1. Buy bigger clothes. That way I can eat and not feel guilty. And I’ll remind my husband that these days a lot of men like women with junk in the trunk. Gerhardt needs to keep up on trends.

2. Redefine what it means to "get things done." Social networking counts as doing something. Right? Well, okay then. Remind me to tweet about that in the New Year!

3. Enjoy my empty nest guilt free. My kids can always follow me on Twitter, right? (Maybe they can also explain to me how to put pictures up on my Facebook fan page.)

4. Let chaos reign. After all, isn’t that a sign of a creative mind? Getting organized would only deprive me of bonding time spent with Gerhardt searching my office for lost receipts, articles and other important bits of information.

5. Express myself. Okay, so I get a little grumpy or sometimes lose my temper. This can actually be good for my marriage. It will give my husband an opportunity to practice patience.

6. Place reasonable limits on nobility. Share the last piece of chocolate cake? I mean, come on. I have to maintain my caboose somehow. Okay, one bite. I can probably manage to be that noble. All right, two, but that’s as high as I’m going.

7. Be myself. (And hope none of my family or friends murders me.) Why work on being perfect when my nearest and dearest love me just the way I am?

8. No resolutions. This one I’m serious about! This time around I’m simply going into the New Year grateful to God for the wonderful year I just had and anticipating new adventures, new friends, and new opportunities to learn and grow. Now, that’s not a bad way to begin a new year. I’ll drink to that. Where’s the eggnog?