The Strange Case of the Wimp and the Haunted House

I have to admit that Halloween isn't my favorite holiday, mostly because I'm a
big weenie. I don't like being startled or scared, so you won't find me visiting
haunted houses.

I only tried that once, when I was nine. I thought I was all grown-up and ready
to handle scary things, so I talked my mom into taking a friend and me to the
local Jaycees haunted house. I'm not sure how scary it really was, as we went
during daylight when they were probably doing the kiddy version, but there were
lots of things/people jumping out at us to startle us and make us scream. And
that set off a serious asthma attack in my friend. By the time we got to the
next room, she was wheezing and barely breathing.

The next room was a Phantom of the Opera setting, with a truly hideous Phantom,
his face all melting and burned. Apparently, the person playing the Phantom was
some kind of medical professional, and he immediately recognized a child in
serious distress and rushed to help. Unfortunately, when he went into
professional mode, he totally forgot that he was wearing horrible makeup. We saw
this hideous thing coming right at us, and that may have been the scariest part
of the whole haunted house. My mom stepped between us and the Phantom and
reminded him that he was in makeup. He completely dropped character and kept
insisting that he was trying to help, that in real life he was a medic (or
nurse, or something -- I was too scared to recall the details). They used
walkie-talkies to communicate through the house so the various characters would
know when a group was coming, and the Phantom called for help. Seeing the
Phantom out of character and acting like a normal person helped my friend calm
down enough to use her inhaler, and soon a non-costumed person came to get us
and escort us out of the house.

And, really, I think I might have enjoyed that even more than I would have
enjoyed the real haunted house. We got to go through the house and see all the
decorations and effects and even the costumed characters without anyone jumping
out at us and going "Boo!" The person escorting us kept calling ahead not to
scare and not to jump, so the people just came out of their hiding places and
stood there. It was a little embarrassing having to be escorted out of the house
because we couldn't take it, and I hated that my friend had to deal with the
asthma attack, but I have to admit it was kind of a relief to have an excuse to
get out of there.

For me, Halloween is mostly an excuse to eat chocolate. I'll leave the scares to
someone else.