Sex and Activism: How writing erotic novels pushes the sex-positive movement forward

Ever since I was younger, I wanted to be a writer. Never in a million years did I think that sex was what I’d be writing about and that in doing so I’d become a better person. Now, incidentally, my debut novel, an erotic romance by the name of UNDER HER AUTHORITY, will be coming out on Feb. 14th with Totally Bound.

The first erotic novel I read was something like a twist fate. It was a spin-off
of a popular YA paranormal romance. On an adventurous day, I purchased the book
without reading the blurb. Why not? I was loyal to the author, loving her style
and her ability to create fantastical worlds. I’ll never forget reading that sex
scene. I was somewhere between astounded and intrigued. Born in the middle of
the bible belt, I’d never had access to these types of books.

So, how did I end up writing romance and what does that have to do with activism?

In the middle of a job and full-time course load, I didn’t have the time or
energy to complete the YA manuscript I’d been working on, but I didn’t want to
push aside writing. I decided to challenge myself by picking a subject that
would require less mental-strain (futuristic world-building is a killer) but
more emotional strength. I had always been uncomfortable with sex. The sex in my
relationship had idled after two years. Childhood memories of a paranoid father
who believed my mother was unfaithful and, in turn, took it out aggressively on
my family made me associate sex with something bad. I didn’t want this to be the
case and with my struggling relationship, I was willing to turn to any avenue
that offered hope.

I went through all the stages of writing an erotic romance, and it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. It required me to break past the mental walls I’d created and discuss things that made me uncomfortable. The more I fell in love with my character and their connection, the less difficulty I had about helping them express it in a physical way. I realized how beautiful sex can be, and after months of editing and researching, I began talking about sex more openly, which led to being more open sexually. Badwas no longer synonymous with sex. A year later, I volunteered at my university's first reproductive justice summit. I hosted the workshop Let’s Talk About Sex. In this workshop we passed around a plush toy, a female breast I’d purchased from a sex store, and listed alternative ways of saying our favorite sexy words. Penis became hot shaft. Vagina became feminine fruit. We wrote erotic scenes and read them aloud. It was both fun and enlightening, exactly how talking about sex should be. I had succeed in my goal, which was to have the participants step out of the zone where sex equates to shame and too-private-to-discuss because I’d learned an important lesson I needed to share. How can we begin to discuss the many issues involving sex and sexuality, if we are not open to dialogue, if we do not take the time to get to know our own bodies and if we do not have the confidence to speak up? In America, many schools prefer talks of abstinence over safe sex. Media is oversexualized yet the act itself is shamed. You have too many partners you run the risk of being called slut or manwhore. You wait and you’re called a virgin. Among men who are part of a couple, 75% say they always have an orgasm, as opposed to 26% of the women. According to a study by Edward O. Laumann, PhD. These are amongst some of the many reasons conversations about sex are important. That is where erotic romance comes in. Erotic novels normalize sex and kink. Those who write them are activists for the sex-positive movement. As a matter of fact, they’re radicals. They take subjects surrounded by controversy and hone it while letting everyone else know it’s okay to speak about your desires, wants, fears and needs. Openness and acceptance is the key to a thriving society and that is exactly what every good erotic romance teaches.