Stephanie Bond | Staying Safe
March 10, 2009
I took a self-defense course
several years ago as part of the coursework to become a private investigator in
the state of Georgia (all for research). In the class, one of the messages aimed
at women was not to give in to the fear of looking foolish if you avoid (or
confront) someone who makes you nervous. The instructor said that women are so
afraid of offending others that they will put their own lives in danger.
Criminals know this and will prey on women’s instincts to “be nice” to people,
even strangers who might look threatening. But the instructor reminded women in
the class that any man with good intentions who has a mother, sister, or
daughter, will understand if a woman is spooked by his proximity. Do you know what most women do when confronted with an intruder in their home?
Not scream, not run for the nearest exit. Most women will ask, “How did you get
in here?” As if it matters. It’s a fascinating glimpse into the female psyche, that
even when confronted with danger, we’re trying to assimilate how it happened
versus reacting to it. Have you ever thought about what you would do if
confronted with danger in your home? In your parking lot? On the sidewalk?
Studies show that if a person rehearses in their mind how they will respond to a
dangerous situation or an emergency, their brain is likely to call upon that
behavior if the situation actually occurs. In my BODY MOVERS sexy mystery series, Detective Jack Terry
is always trying to
get main character Carlotta Wren to be more careful because she keeps getting
herself in jams. (In an upcoming book, he even gives her a stun baton, although
he soon realizes he’s created a monster!) The first step in being prepared for a
dangerous situation is admitting that it could happen to you. Most victims of
violent crimes say afterward that the situation seemed surreal, as if it were
happening to someone else. (Several years ago, my husband was robbed at
gunpoint—in the parking lot of a Disney hotel, no less—and it was days later
before it hit him how easily things could‘ve gone bad.) Arming yourself with mace and/or Taser or stun baton is a good idea ONLY if
you’re willing to use it, and feel confident that you won’t be overpowered by a
criminal and have the item turned on you. Contact your local police department
for a rundown of what devices are legal in your locality, and where you can
purchase them. Most police departments offer free classes on how to use
self-defense devices—just ask. Also, consider taking a break from yoga or your
bookclub and get girlfriends together to take a self-defense class. Here are some other tips for being safe when you’re out and about: ·Always park in well-lit areas, even if
it means you have to walk a little farther to your car. ·Utilize remotes to unlock your car when
you’re a few feet away so you’re not standing there fumbling with your keys. ·Lock your car doors as soon as you get
inside. ·When walking, stride with purpose and
look around you at all times. ·If a man is walking behind you, move
over to allow him to pass, or cross the street. ·If you think you’re being followed,
walk into the nearest retail store and let someone know. If your purse strap
allows, wear it sling-style over one shoulder to make you less of a target for a
purse snatcher. ·Stay off your cell phone. You’re
probably less likely to be accosted if you’re alert than if you’re on the phone
with someone to “keep you company” while you walk alone. It’s not a bad idea to
have your phone in your hand, though, in case you need to call 9-1-1. ·If you’re confronted by a robber, give
them what they want. Don’t try to be a hero—remember, the goal is to survive.
Things can be replaced. ·If someone tries to force you into a
car, even at gunpoint, you’re better off to take your chances and run away (in a
zig-zag fashion). It’s actually hard to hit a moving target, and the odds of you
getting out of situation alive decrease dramatically if you get into a car with
someone. ·Above all, trust your instincts. It’s
much better to feel foolish if you’re wrong than to open yourself to injury if
you’re right. After all, not all of us have a sexy guy on hand to help save us like Carlotta
Wren does! Have you ever found yourself in a situation that could’ve gone bad? Stephanie Bond writes
the humorous sexy mystery series BODY MOVERS for Mira books. Books 1-3 are
available now; 4 Bodies and
a Funeral, 5 Bodies to
Die For, and 6 Killer
Bodies will be released back to back in April, May, and June.
Comments
11 comments posted.
Re: Stephanie Bond | Staying Safe
It also goes back to "if you look like a victim, you'll be a victim." Bad guys prey on fear. The key is to look calm and confident when walking down the street. (LuAnn Morgan 2:49pm March 10, 2009)
A long time ago when I still lived in California, I went to pick up a note for a friend from her Dr. The building was 16 stories and he was on the top floor. I got on the elavator and just as the door was about to shut, a man got on. I just looked around, just kept to myself. Well, all of the sudden he is staring at me and telling me how dangerous it is to get on an elavator with a stranger, wasn't I afraid, etc. My heck, I thought my heart would pound out of my chest. He just sat and stared the entire time. I was absolutely terrified and had no clue what to do. Not only that, there wasn't really anything I could do. I just kept praying for the elavator to stop. Finally I got to the top and ran out of it as fast as I could. When I got back on to leave, I hurried and shut the door with the button and then pushed the floor again. He never did come back around me but boy did he scare the living you know what out of me. What do you do in that situation? I just didn't say a word to him nor looked at him when he talked to me. (Vicki Hancock 3:08pm March 10, 2009)
When I started college, my grandmother bought me a whistle she expected me to carry around everywhere with me and would freak out if I had to be on campus at night. I finally told her she didn't trust me - that I always walke with my keys ready to jab into someone's eyes and I carried my backpack on my left shoulder making it easy for me to grab with my right hand and swing at someone. (Kelli Jo Calvert 3:42pm March 10, 2009)
LuAnn--so right. Bad guys look for the easiest target--don't be that person!
Vicki--wow, how scary. Depending on the vibe I got from the guy in the elevator, I might've said, "No, I'm not scared because I'm armed and I know how to defend myself." (He doesn't have to know that you're armed with a can of hairspray.) I think I would've pushed every button, though, and gotten off on the next floor. WHAT A CREEP!
(Reminds me of a time when a guy was following my sister on a sidewalk. She has a permit to carry a concealed weapon and she knows how to use it. She crossed the street and the guy crossed, too. She put her hand in her purse and removed the safety from her pistol, then turned around and told the guy he had until the count of 3 to cross the street. He held up his hands and started yelling that he wasn't doing anything wrong...and she started counting, intent on shooting through her purse if the guy came at her. Instead, the guy crossed the street.)
Kelli--good thinking on always carrying your keys in a defensive manner!
re: the whistle. Actually, they're one of the best and cheapest self-defense tools a person can have. My dad was always asking me what I wanted for my birthday, Christmas, etc. One year I told him to buy me a handful of police whistles on keyrings so I could have one for my keys, one for my gym bag, one for my nightstand, etc. I've never seen a man so happy! Now he's always asking me about my whistles, whether I've had to use them. It makes him feel like he's still protecting me, and I do feel safer. (Stephanie Bond 5:12pm March 10, 2009)
Yes; an unmarked police car attempted to pull me over in a dark,rural are-I was afraid and drove to the next well-lit area.Even as I was driving,I told myself I would not allow anyone to take me "elsewhere"(i.e yhe 'second scene') and would fight and collect DNA if I was attacked-hair,blood, skin. Fortunately, the officer understood my initial reluctance ('tho 3 cop cars met us. I WILL not be a victim,I know ANYthing goes if being attacked. (Dawn Raymer 6:17pm March 10, 2009)
A neighbor's friend was being attacked by an ex-boyfriend. He had her by her hair, dragging her down the sidewalk, kicking her in the ribs prior to my going outside. She was screaming for help. I went out with my baseball bat. He decided he didn't want to tangle with an angry woman with spiked hair and a baseball bat. I've taken self defense training and wasn't going to allow him to beat on that girl any more. I called 911 while he was leaving the scene in her truck. Turned out he was high on crack and several other illegal drugs. I've since invested in a stun gun that I keep on hand as well as my bat. Never hurts to have a back-up. (Kay Martinez 8:14pm March 10, 2009)
Yes. When I left the Peace Corps and was taking time to travel home, I went to Indonesia. The train I took across the island arrived about midnight or so. The only way to get to town was by pedicab. Other than the lights at the station, there were none. I had no idea how far it was to town, what direction, or how much it should cost. It was pitch dark, no one knew where I was or was expecting me. When we got to the compound where I was staying and woke someone up to let me in, there was a problem. I didn't have change to pay the driver and he thought I was trying to cheat him. He didn't know enough english to understand what I was trying to explain. Luckily the owner of the place I was staying woke up enough to explain it him and take care of things. We (P. C. Volunteers) tended to stay in out of the way places, not tourist hotels. For $2 a night you didn't get much even in 1971. I am careful most of the time. Actually, I follow all the suggestions you had in your piece. (Patricia Barraclough 9:51pm March 10, 2009)
Dawn--yes, if a police officer attempts to pull you over in a dark area, you have to right to proceed to somewhere you think is safe. I believe it's suggested that you turn on your inside light to signal that you know he/she's there, then proceed at a slower-than-normal speed to someplace safe. You could also turn on your hazard lights. (Stephanie Bond 10:15pm March 10, 2009)
Kay--Lucky for your friend that you intervened! A baseball bat is a legitimate weapon to have in your home, next to your bed or in the garage. (Practice swinging and making contact into a punching bag.)
And you made a very good point that you can't assume that a perp is sober or sane. There is no "honor among theives" anymore--when drugs are involved, common sense and reason go out the window. Drug-crazed people will kill over pocket change. And the same goes for road rage--a person driving a car who feels wronged if someone passes him or cuts him off can be as dangerous as someone with a loaded weapon! Be careful out there. (Stephanie Bond 10:25pm March 10, 2009)
Patricia--something similar happened to my husband and I in Costa Rica. We went to the downtown area to see a concert and when we came out, the streets were practically deserted. A "taxi" pulled up and asked if we needed a ride, but we were suspect. We were also desperate, though, and got in. My husband is conversational in Spanish, but the driver couldn't seem to understand anything my husband said about where our hotel was located, and vice versa. The guy started acting nervous, which made us nervous. Meanwhile, we're careening along narrow, unlit roads in a deathtrap of a car. My husband and I were both thinking the guy was going to rob us and dump us in a ditch. As a last resort, I pulled my hotel room key out of my purse and held it up and understanding finally dawned on the driver's face. Thank goodness he was honest after all. But it taught us a good lesson--to always have the destination written in the native language to hand to a driver if necessary! (Stephanie Bond 10:36pm March 10, 2009)
I luv your work! [email protected] (Lynne Stillwell 9:24am December 30, 2011)
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