Patrick sighed. Blame it on the alcohol. "Have you never done
anything that you regretted, Frannie?" he asked. "Something for which you didn't
deserve forgiveness, but wished for it anyway? Not to ease the guilt you feel,
because trust me, the guilt is a demon that won't leave me alone. The
forgiveness is so you know that the person giving it has gotten past what you
did."
Frannie focused on the intensity in his eyes, giving what he'd
said some thought. She almost wished she could say she had done something that
needed forgiving. The sad truth was that because she'd been gravely ill and
survived, she'd taken care to stay safe and do what was expected of her. Any
time she'd ventured to do anything out of character or something that involved
taking risks, she'd regretted it, including the one time she'd kissed a stranger
in a bar. That was something she regretted—that and the fact she'd wasted
the years since her illness playing it safe. In both instances, the only person
she had to blame was herself. She didn't want to be afraid to live her life, but
fear had been her constant companion for many, many years.
As an author, I'm often asked what inspires my writing. That's such a hard
question to answer. So many things inspire my writing. I guess the better
question might be what influences my writing. I always want to create
characters who have big issues in their lives that they need to overcome so that
they can live a full live. I think someone once said something like, "Life is
messy and no one gets out alive." I think that's so true. Stuff happens. The
question is, how are you going to deal with it?
In the passage above, the two main characters of my latest novel, UNFORGETTABLE, are having
it out over a kiss they shared years before. The situation? Both were in a bar,
getting drunk; Frannie because her sister had just died, and Patrick because he
was dealing with his wife's terminal illness. Two things influenced this scene.
First, with Patrick, I wanted to show that people make mistakes. Terrible
mistakes. In this book, Patrick is making every attempt to put the past behind
him, going forward as a sober father, friend, and professional. I wanted to show
that people are not the sum of their past deeds. With hard work and
determination, I believe that people can make real, meaningful change in their
lives. It helps if they have the support of people around them who are willing
to give them a second, third or fourth chance. But even without that support, I
think people can still prove everyone wrong and make those changes that will
pave the way to a better life for them.
So, getting that message out there is what influenced the creation of Patrick, a
character who had a checkered past, but who's looking for redemption. On the
surface, you can look at Patrick and say, there's nothing redeemable about a
drunk who makes poor choices. However, I firmly believe that things are not
always as they appear. Look beyond the surface and find the underlying reasons
why people make the choices they do. Things are rarely as they seem.
There are reasons why Patrick drank. He denied some core truths about himself,
and speaking from experience, denying one's core truths always leads to trouble.
I denied that I was a writer. This led to my falling into a deep depression. To
get better, I had to start writing again. For Patrick, he had to find the root
causes that led him to drink. By acknowledging these things, he's able to stop
drinking and create a new life for himself, one day at a time. But Frannie comes
roaring into to town reminding him of that person he used to be. Will he fall
back into people's old expectations of bad behavior for him or will he prove to
Frannie that's he's a different man? Read the book and find out!
The second influence for this scene has to do with Frannie, my heroine, who has
a past as well. One that might seem a strange choice on my part. As a child,
Frannie battled a serious illness. This was based on my own experience. While I
didn't have a terminal illness, I was very sickly as a child. I was born early
with lung problems. I had severe asthma and allergies as well as kidney
problems. Up until I was seven, I was in and out of the hospital, and I spent a
lot of time in doctor's offices. Hardly a week went by that I didn't see dear
Dr. Kenneth Lynch. What an incredible man. My mother was very careful with me,
and that in turn caused me to be cautious and fearful—of everything. I
spent a lot of time indoors because I was allergic to most everything outside.
As a result, I wasn't comfortable around people. I didn't make friends easily. I
was super naïve about everything and way too trusting.
"She'd taken care to stay safe and do what was expected of her.
Any time she'd ventured to do anything out of character or something that
involved taking risks, she'd regretted it."
This passage characterized my life growing up and carried over into adulthood. I
became accustomed to being alone because staying inside away from everyone but
family kept me safe. Like Frannie, it seemed like anytime I ventured to do
anything that involved taking a risk (and trust me, sometimes just venturing out
was risky), I wound up regretting it. Of course, I was unhappy being alone so
much, but at the same time, being alone was comfortable.
Another thing that growing up sick and cautious did was give me a fatalistic
outlook on life. Like Frannie, I didn't believe I'd live to be old. I never
wanted to marry or have children. I wanted education and a career. I used to
love pretending I had an office with a desk! But I did get married to an
amazing, wonderful man. And I did have one child, who is so much like his
father. He, too, is amazing and wonderful. Even though he doesn't look like me,
I like to think he gets his strength and fabulosity from me :-)
Still, I had a deep feeling that I wouldn't live to be old, until, like Frannie,
something happened to show me that I was wrong. A few years ago, during that
time that I wasn't writing, I got out my laptop and decided to go to the library
and try to write. Before I got out of my neighborhood, I was in a horrendous car
crash. I pulled out onto a four-lane highway right in front of a car I didn't
see coming. I was hit in the driver's door of my car. My head broke the window
of the driver's side door. I was knocked unconscious. I should have died. That's
what I thought at the time. I should have died. But I didn't.
Because I was wrong about not living to be old.
A wonderful therapist helped me to see that. And Paul Selig, Director of the
Creative Writing Program and channeler confirmed by telling me, "You're here. I
see you. I see you." And now, I have no doubts. I have a full, wonderful life
with a husband, a child, family, friends, puppies and a career that I love.
I did get that education and enjoyed a number of offices with desks. But the
desk I use now, as I write this post, sits in an office I've made inside my
home. It has faded pink wallpaper that was installed sometime around the turn of
the century—the 20th Century. There's a bay window in front of
me with 150-year-old wavy glass. Outside stands a strong, old magnolia tree and
a view of the mountains just beyond. I'm blessed with the here and now. I do
myself, and everyone around me, a disservice if I don't live every blessed day
to the fullest. I can promise you, that's what I intend to do. If someone
reading my books is encouraged to do the same? Well, that just means I must be
living right.
Excerpts from Unforgettable, An Angel Ridge Novel
Bell Bridge Books Available October 2012 © Deborah Grace
Staley
4 comments posted.
As a small girl, I watched the movie "The Miracle Worker." I was moved so much, that I took the Autobiography of Helen Keller out of the library and read it. She became an inspiration to me, and I tried to pattern my life after her the best I could. Little did I know that in just a few years, I would suffer an injury that would alter the rest of my life. Just as I was adapting to my "new normal," I had a freak accident almost 3 years ago in a parking lot of a store. I am still trying to recover from these injuries, but with faith, and a lot of determination, I hope that I can deal with it better than I am now. The memory loss is the worst part for me, and also the most embarassing, although on certain days the pain sometimes overtakes it. I can understand where your posting is coming from, and will have to read your books!! Unless a person has been through a trauma, they really don't understand what it's like, and what it's like to celebrate certain milestones. Congratulations!!
(Peggy Roberson 8:33pm November 22, 2012)
I love these kind of shows during the Holidays. I see them as inspirational to deal with the bad and the good.
(Kai Wong 7:11pm November 23, 2012)
Your scenes in the book remind me of movies I've seen where things don't work out the way you expect, but somehow it doesn't matter in the long run. Since what you end up getting is a version that's better anyways. Meeting up with people is all about timing and the stages you are going through at the moment. At times, it kindof grows on you, the person you become and the person in front of you, that you decide is worthy of friendship and all that goes along with it.
(Alyson Widen 8:34pm November 26, 2012)