Abby Niles | Starting Over: How Scary Is It Really?

It’s been a well over six years since my ten-year marriage ended and I started
over as a single mom. When I first started dating my ex, having dial-up internet
was the big tech craze. Facebook didn’t exist. Beepers were the way of texting
and online dating was unheard of. The way you met people was through work,
friends and going out.

Now fast forward a decade. I have two kids. No time. The same small group of
friends I’ve had for years and I work from home. See the problem?

For me, the scary part of starting over wasn’t having all the responsibilities
completely on my shoulders, it was the idea of dating again. Meeting someone the
ole fashion way—meaning you actually met a person, felt a connection with said
person and things happened naturally—didn’t seem likely for me. Which left
online dating. Of course, I knew about online dating. I had a couple of friends
who’d used that route. One actually met someone they eventually married. But
more often than not, all I heard were horror stories. I had always thought, I’m
glad that’s something I don’t have to worry with anymore.

*Snort* My introduction to dating again was not good. I was completely unprepared for the reality of it. Here I was a newly single woman, who’d been in a decade long relationship with one man. Maybe some women can slip right back into singlehood with ease after a long hiatus. I found it a little more difficult, heck, downright overwhelming. So much had changed. Of course, the men were older. Smoother. More experienced. Definitely more experienced than I was. Because I was downright naïve about the entire thing. I actually believed that online dating sites were places for people to find other people who were looking for someone special. I even marked my profile to say that! *chuckles*

So imagine my surprise when things went X-rated fast. I’m not the kind of girl
who gets her jollies by sexting with men she’s never met. Doesn’t do a damn
thing for me, and I’m not playing along just so he can get his rocks off if it’s
not going to benefit me too. To say the least, that started a five-year cycle
with me and online dating. I’d post my profile, go on a date or chat with a few
guys, get completely turned off by the opposite sex, become thankful that I was
single and remove my profile. I’d spend a few months enjoying the life of a
single woman, until a Saturday night came along, and I was sitting at home by
myself and everyone else had plans. Boredom can be a huge motivator, so up went
the profile again. And the cycle would start over.

It was during one of those “Saturday nights” that I meet my love (yep, you
guessed it…online) and we just celebrated our two year anniversary. He was
different from the start. None of this fake chat stuff to lure you in before he
springs the what-color-is-your-panties crap. He was interesting. He was genuine.
And he is now mine. The process sucked. I may have taken the long way around to
find him. But, that’s okay. Had I rushed it, I wouldn’t have met him. It worked
out the way it was supposed to.

In KNOCKED OUT BY LOVE, my heroine has just started the dating process again
after the end of her eight-year marriage—and she’s just as overwhelmed. Being
back on the market isn’t as easy as she thought it would be and missteps happen
along the way. She turns to the hero, an old friend, for some coaching—and
things get heated fast.

I’d love to hear your dating disaster!