I had a friend ask me the other day if I thought my main character in THE ADVENTURES
OF REZTAP, Tar Reztap, was a scoundrel. I told him I supposed he was, but
the more I thought about it and looked up the definition of scoundrel, I
realized he was definitely not a scoundrel. You may recall the movie Dirty
Rotten Scoundrels, starring Steve Martin, Michael Caine and Glenne Headly.
In the movie, the main characters are actually disreputable individuals trying
to scam other people out of their money – the main premise of the movie is them
trying to scam money out of each other. It’s a great movie, but it’s essentially
about thieves robbing rich people. Fools and their money are soon
parted is the general gist of their motives.
In The Empire Strikes Back, Princess Leia calls Han Solo a scoundrel. He
likes the sound of it, but probably from a more romantic notion of being an
above the law type of rebel. He was, in all actuality (I know, here comes the
complaints) an outlaw smuggler. So he ran on the dark side of the law many
times. Sure he becomes a hero in the end, but when Princess Leia calls him a
scoundrel, he more or less actually is one.
Tar doesn’t actually ever try to do anything dishonest. He does get caught up in
some things where he accidentally does some very bad things, but it’s never his
intention to harm or rob anyone with the possible exception of a space battle
which has huge implications for him later on. He is, in essence, more of a
rascal. He is mischievous, an imp, and a bit of a troublemaker. You might even
call him a scalawag, as he does behave badly in an amusingly mischievous but not
harmful way. That really gets to the heart of Tar Reztap at the beginning of the
book. He’s trying to get by but is definitely a bit of a scalawag.
Is there a favorite scalawag or rascal in the books you read? Does he stay that
way through the end of the story or mature and become something a bit less
mischievous?
“I’ve never really felt comfortable owning an android with bogus programming.
Dang it, I have to do something-”
Tar stopped outside the room and heard what sounded like moaning inside. Tar
frowned.
“Well, this is a toss-up; either they’re having sex or Chuck is strangling
her...or both.” Tar opened the door.
On the wall directly in front of Tar, Princess hung from the wall by her arms
and legs. She wore a pink, fuzzy negligee accented by a yellow polka-dotted pink
bandana stuffed in her mouth. The negligee left very little to the imagination.
“I must admit,” Tar said raising his eyebrows. “I’ve never seen you looking better.”
Princess scowled at Tar. Then, she opened her eyes wide and said, “Oog ow efeye
oo.” Tar looked at her, puzzled. Chuck flicked him on the back of the head with
a finger and rendered Tar unconscious. (Later, Tar revealed, it was at that
moment that he realized what Princess had tried but failed to say with a gag in
her mouth. “Look out behind you.”) Standard android programming forbids
rendering humans helpless, but of course, Chuck’s programming didn’t exactly
follow the normal guidelines.
Princess’ head drooped as she watched Tar fall.
The unstable android looked up at Princess and smiled.
Princess already knew his strength, otherwise she wouldn’t be trussed up on the
wall. She shuddered and, when Chuck turned around and left the room, she was
visibly relieved.
Even simple plans never quite work out for intergalactic trader Tar Reztap, and
yet he and his loyal friend Gorth keep finding their way into crazy missions
that border the impossible. Chased throughout known space aboard the Bloated
Namreg (quite possibly the ugliest ship to ever dock in a space port), it’s not
long before Reztap’s nemesis catches up. And it’s not the Captain of the
Progorian warship (really it was an honest mix-up that started that war); nor
the Madame of the Courtesan Academy, who happens to be half-sister to the head
of the assassin’s guild. No, real trouble requires blood ties. Reztap’s brother
sends the traders spinning back into space on a mission to rescue a princess
from a fortress on Alaga One’s moon.
Desperate times call for desperate measures, and Reztap and Gorth are forced to
pull out their back-up navigator – an eccentric android named Chuck, who has a
thing for decorating (and “Rezzy”).Aboard the Namreg, a door that couldn’t be
opened for thirteen years mysteriously grants entrance to a hidden chamber.
Inside is a treasure, a long-lost family member, and a mission no one has to
force Reztap to do. This time, he can’t fail. Regretfully, the “rescued”
Princess Slurk is still on board, with plans of her own.
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About Artemus Withers
Inspired by authors such as Douglas Adams, Harry Harrison and Terry Pratchett,
Artemus endeavored to create a world of science fiction and humor to delight
readers across the world. A lifelong computer systems professional, Artemus went
from the military to government contracting to the commercial world fixing
various computer problems and helping workers and companies get to where they
need to go. Artemus also dabbled in acting as an improv troupe member for
several years and performed in various stage, television and film productions.
He lives in Katy, Texas with his wife where they rule their family kingdom of
three adult daughters from afar and enjoy the company of their grandson and two
dogs.
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