Kate's 5 Tips For a Rock'n Good Time in the Bedroom
May 15, 2018
My newest erotic romance—LAYING PIPE—releases May
21st from Entangled Publishing. Because of that, I've got sex on the mind. Who
am I kidding, I always have sex on my mind. That's because my writing celebrates
women's sensuality, sexual exploration and, of course, true love.
It's all in good—if not clean—fun, and my smutty stories can take it to the
extreme. If it's about an architect, expect some kinky architectural maneuvers.
My mechanic does the dirty in, and on, fancy hot rods. (Both stories come out
later this year.) As for LAYING PIPE, my lonely
librarian meets a hunky
plumber who's tool inventive. Ever hear of a drilldo? (Google it, but I
warn you, what is once seen, can't be unseen.)
It must be clear by now that I take this sex stuff lightheartedly. I also take
it uber seriously, considering it one of God's greatest gifts and worth sharing...
However, for something so essential to our human existence, it can also be
remarkably hard at times. For comparison, there's eating—something equally
essential to our existence. Do we have trouble enjoying it? Talking about it?
Finding yummy flavors? Instead, we celebrate eating, both the preparation and
the participation, and find it fulfilling on both physical and emotional levels.
Obviously, eating and sex are not the same thing, but, sex can be just as
fulfilling. It will, however, take some effort, creativity, and perseverance
to…in the words of Jean-Luc Picard, "make it so." To get you started, I offer
you 5 tips that have worked for me:
Make Time for Sex: I've heard it said that planning a "sex night" is
a buzzkill. It should be spontaneous, two people that can't keep their hands off
each other. Really? Most of us are busy. Jobs. Kids. Daily stresses.
Waiting for lightening to strike when both of you are at leisure means you'll
become solstice lovers—having sex about twice a year. So, don't think of it as
taking away spontaneity, but making opportunity for the spontaneous to strike.
Make sure date nights aren't jamb packed with activities. Take weekend getaways
where the only plan is no plan. Relax. Chat. Reconnect. The sex will happen, and
it won't matter that you planned for it.
Experiment: We're hard wired to seek novelty. Food gets boring. TV
shows get old. It's not surprising that after 5, 10, or more years with the same
person, sex can become unexciting, stale, or worse causes relationship
So, try something new. I wouldn't suggest starting with a drilldo, but mix-it-up
a little. New positions (there are books on this). Different rooms in the house.
Or dip a toe into the world of kink. It can be as easy as having one person wear
a blindfold while the other teases with different sensations—the faint brush of
a feather alternated with the sting of an unexpected slap. Check out my latest
newsletter on KateAllure.com, which I offer "DIY Kink" for the newbie.
Build Trust and Communication: Many people find it hard to talk about
sex, because either they're embarrassed or they fear hurting their lover's
feelings. But fabulous, no-holds-barred, rockin' good rutting won't happen
without trust and communication. Your lover needs to know what hits the spot
and, regardless of our favorite paranormal novels, no one can read minds. You'll
need to take a leap of faith and share your feelings. Don't do it before,
during, or after sex. Pick a time when you're both in a good mood and never in
the bedroom. Sex, like anything, can be negotiated, but—surprise!—the
negotiating can be a real turn-on as you find out what he wants to do to you and
you share what you'd like from him. If you're kink curious, communication is
even more important. Once you're tied up and gagged, it'll be hard to explain
that you really wanted to try the bunny flogger, not the cat-o-nine-tails.
Lastly, if you want to go full "Red Room of Pain," you must make sure your
partner is in agreement with the principles of Safe, Sane, and Consensual. BDSM
play must always be CCS (research it).
Joint Research: With your lover, go to a sex store or shop
online. Together, you can laugh at the weird looking stuff, cringe at the
outright crazy s**t, and maybe find a few toys that intrigue. Don't worry if not
all purchases meet your taste (my DH and I have tossed a few disappointing
acquisitions into the trash). But I'm sure you've tried disappointing recipes at
some point. That one yuck meal didn't make you give up on trying again. By the
way, Hustler has been opening big, sparkly stores across the US, and they're
female friendly, clean, even glamorous—perfect for an erotic date night!
Read Sexy Novels: Yes, it's a little self-serving, but a good erotic
can light fires that everyday life can't. My favorite book review was from a man
who said that he would always keep one of my books on his wife's nightstand.
While pure fantasy, you can try elements from the sex scenes. Just giving
yourself the time to read something steamy will get you relaxed and ready. You
and your lover can take it from there…
Lastly, I'd like to note that I'm not a sex therapist nor play one on TV. I
offer this advice freely but without liability, so do the research and stay
safe. I also want to thank Fresh Fiction for the chance to visit.
I wish you all a rock'n good time in the bedroom…and in life…and while reading
your beloved novels.
Lexie Kosta runs a small-town library by day, renovates her rundown beach
house by night, and spends her free moments devouring kinky BDSM romance novels.
She never thought she’d find a man who could fulfill her hidden desires…until
Joe Van der Meer walks into her library. He’s cocky and sexy and witty—and when
they share a steamy kiss behind the stacks… Dayum! But she’ll never see
him again, right?
When a pipe bursts in her home, she’s
forced to call an emergency plumber—who turns out to be Joe. Things really heat
up after Lexie’s erotic novels inspire Joe to play kinky plumber…applying his
tools in ingenious new ways.
Warning: You’ll never look at a drill the
same way again...
Kate writes erotic romance and is the author of the Meeting Men
anthology series about real women meeting handsome professional men as they go
about their everyday lives—and the fun they have with them behind closed doors!
Her second series, Club Exotica, is set in a posh, ultra-private London
club where a woman’s every naughty fantasy can come true, coming from
Sourcebooks in late 2015.
Kate has been a storyteller her entire life,
writing plays, short stories, and dance librettos throughout her childhood and
later for semi-professional theater and dance companies. Her non-fiction writing
included working for American Ballet Theatre and New York City Ballet and
authoring a weekly arts column for local papers. She is a graduate of
Interlochen Arts Academy and George Washington University. Beyond writing,
Kate’s passions include traveling and exploring all things sensual with her