Last month, I had some dental work done in the left half of my mouth. Going to
the dentist is never a picnic in the park, in fact, it usually makes me think I
am going to die. I managed to avoid thinking about it until I was actually
sitting in the chair. Then, I suddenly remembered why I used to drink, but by
then it was too late. All I could do was lie back and think of England.
My dentist, Dr. Nelson, is such a nice, sweet woman. She makes me wear safety
goggles. So, I’m in the chair, goggles on, and sweet Dr. Nelson starts by
shooting Novocain into my gums. Novocain makes me nervous: I am a nurse, and I
know about local anesthetic toxicity, and I am sure it’s going to happen to me.
I feel the little pinch….I wait for it…THERE! My heart is racing! I know the
next step will be a weird metallic taste; my ears will ring; I will flush all
over, and then the end will come. But none of that happens. My heart rate slows
to normal. Apparently it was just nerves: a bullet narrowly dodged.
Dr. Nelson and the hygienist Emily have me open my mouth wide—wider. Wider,
please. Wider than anyone but a boa constrictor was ever meant to open her
mouth. Saliva pools around my tongue, and this panics me, because I might
accidentally drool on them. As if this might be the first time a patient has
ever done such an ill-mannered thing. They jack my mouth open with an enormous
metal speculum, and tell me they are going to place a “rubber dam” in my mouth.
“Rubber dam” sounds daunting, but it is only a green sheet of Latex that smells
like Lucky Charms cereal. This is supposed to prevent mercury from “leaching
into my system,” when they remove my old fillings. This thought makes my heart
race again. If Novocain toxicity does not kill me, then heavy metal poisoning
will definitely finish me off. All this heart racing and hypoxia is making me
feel a tiny bit high. Thank goodness.
The drilling and gouging and banging begin. I smell burning rubber and remember
George Gershwin. In 12th grade, I did a term paper on Gershwin. He
died of a brain tumor, and his first symptom was that he smelled burning rubber.
This is how I’m going to die then: a brain tumor. When I’m gone, everyone will
say, “She was at the dentist, having a tooth filled, when they discovered it.”
Meanwhile, unaware of all the ways in which I have already nearly died today,
the girls work merrily on, apparently building a small summer cottage in the
back of my mouth. From time to time, when the saliva pool is about to overflow,
I make a frantic, hand-flapping motion, and Emily suctions me. Sweet Dr. Nelson
delivers a continual flow of kind, empathetic noises as she yanks and pounds away.
Finally, it’s over. The whole left side of my face is frozen: it’s not just that
I can’t move it; it actually feels cold. Emily tells me I can swish and spit in
the little corner sink. I try to do it gracefully, but I end up with a big wet
spot on the front of my shirt anyway.
Being numb is an odd phenomenon. At first, it’s kind of fun. Or at least a
novelty. As a writer, I tend to analyze novelty from all angles, so my frozen
face keeps me entertained until I get home. But then, I am suddenly exhausted,
so I go take a nap. When I wake up, my face is still frozen in every sense of
the word, and it’s not fun anymore. I just want to be able to feel again. I eat
something, and bite my cheek. The only way I know this is because my teeth
suddenly stop mid-chew in a way that shouldn’t happen. I get a little
teary-eyed. I feel trapped inside this body that won’t do what I want it to:
smile; whistle; chew without eating myself. I want it to be tomorrow so this
bad feeling will be gone. I go to bed at 7:30, and wait the night out.
Many of us spend a lot of our lives this way: wanting it to be tomorrow, hoping
we’ll feel better than we do today. Life can be so overwhelming and painful: We
are never going to feel smart enough or pretty enough or unique or important or
just…enough enough. So we numb. Drugs, alcohol, eating, the internet,
busyness, spending... We all do what we must in order to bear the unbearable.
But pain inevitably intrudes. For me, with my teeth, tomorrow brought a lot of
hurt: in fact, my mouth was sore for the rest of the week. But pain, I have
found—both after the dentist, and in all of life—is preferable to a constant
state of numbness. It just takes a different set of tools in order to cope:
Advil. Rest. Courage. A little bit of grace and forgiveness. Faith that there
really is goodness in the world; that it is, all the time, prevailing somewhere.
ABOUT MY BOOKS
In my 3-book Darling Family series, each character must face her own set of
painful circumstances, learn to stop numbing and avoiding, and discover a
healthy way to cope when life hurts. In Book 1, ALL RIGHT HERE, Ivy Darling
grapples with infertility and a struggling marriage. When she and her husband
inadvertently become foster parents to the only 3 African-American children in
their all-white town, Ivy must decide whether her marriage matters enough to
fight for it. BETTER ALL THE
TIME, the second book of the series, tells the story of Sephy, a nurse who
struggles with her weight, and has never learned to say “no” to anyone. With her
best friend’s wedding looming, Sephy must face her demons and learn to take care
of herself, even when it means disappointing others. Book 3, THEY DANCED ON, tells the
story of Jane Darling, who is losing her husband to terminal illness. A
decades-old mystery demands to be solved, and the only person who can help her
is a sister she betrayed forty years ago. Meanwhile, Laura Darling is sliding
deeper into prescription drug and alcohol addiction. What will it take for her
to admit her problem and get help?
Comment below and tell me about your experience with the dentist for a chance to
win the book of your choice from The Darling Family series!
Carre Armstrong Gardner is a former worker with children at
risk in Russia. Now she lives with her husband and three teenagers in Portland,
Maine, where she writes books and works as a nurse. They Danced On is
the third book in the Darling Family series.
Just reading about your time at the Dentist made my teeth hurt. But it is so good when it's over isn't it. The good thing is that we don't have to endure this on a daily basis. (Jackie Wisherd 1:08am July 8, 2016)
When i visit the dentist it is temporary and doesn't bother me at all. I have had much discomfort for the past 4 years, medical and serious which I have had to overcome with a great deal of strength. (Sharon Berger 12:05pm July 8, 2016)
Ouch.....I have TMJ so after seeing the dentist I really prefer just want to relax and try to forget for the next couple weeks that it takes time for the pain to wear off. Recently lost my love of my life to brain cancer and still working through living each day. (Lin Hense 3:35pm July 8, 2016)
My dentist recommended me to get nightguard since I have been stressing a lot lately and have been grinding my teeth and this is after I have two of my crowns replaced. I went back to the dentist two more times to get the molding of my teeth. The first time was right after my crowns were done. The second time I went was to pick up my nightguard but the impression was done incorrectly so I had to do this again. The third time was the nightguard was done but it didn't fit right. By the third time, my jaws was tired and my jaw reflexes were in gagging stage that I couldn't do the impression again. When I picked up my nightguard (going back the fourth time), I asked for my impression because I know I can't do the impression ever again if my nightguard breaks. (Kai Wong 2:10am July 9, 2016)
I have TMJ and it kills me when I have to have my mouth open for any length of time , it hurts my jaws when I eat or laugh or talk for a long time . So , when I have to go to the dentist he has to give me something to relax me ,I am so tensed up that I can't relax at all . The minute I get in the chair they give me something. I just don't believe in suffering when I don't have to . (Joan Thrasher 11:07am July 9, 2016)
I had some major dental work done a little over a year ago, with a new dentist, since I moved and live in a new area, over 200 miles away. He said he could do the work I needed, and then some. I lost cound on the number of novocaine shots, and also received laughing gas for the first time. The entire procedure was in slow-motion from then on. I kept seeing his hands flying in and out of my mouth, and felt pressure off and on. Like you, my face was numb, however I did have to deal with some tooth fragments that I pulled out myself, along with discomfort. In fact, my Husband took me back there a few days later, due to the amount of pain that I was having. I wouldn't let the dentist touch me until he put a topical anesthetic on the area first!! After he did, and checked the area in question, he said it was rare, but that I had a complication, and had some type of abscess, but without the pus. The word escapes me at the moment. Anyway, I was given instructions, along with a prescription for painkillers. I am not happy with this dentist, and think he's a butcher, yet I need to go back to him and have more work completed, along with a couple more extractions, along with some adjustments made. He is just a money-grabber, and I told my Husband not to pay him off in full until I was completely satisfied with the job he did. Having to pick pieces of tooth out myself made me angry with him, along with a few other things, and this next visit won't make me happy, either. All of this work was due to severe health problems that I have and the medications that I bave to take. They are slowly ruining my teeth. I'm sure that I'm not alone, and I definitely can sympathize with what you went through at the dentists' office!! Rubber dams are very uncomfortable, but it souns like you have a good dentis. Sorry for the long posting. Can't wait to read your books!! Congratulations on what I'm sure were labors of (Peggy Roberson 10:06am July 10, 2016)
It seems that an eye tooth that had a crown on it, fractured and became infectedted and needed to be removed. Lord forbid that I should go without a eye tooth, even a short time.I must have a partial plate with one tooth on it to take in and out. The good thing is no more pain after it heals up and swelling goes down. However the partial plate doesn't fit right, the swelling in my gums went down a lot. If I try to talk, I lisp and if I try to sing, like I have for over 48 years, I lisp while singing also. There is a gap between this temp tooth and my gum which lets food collect if I try to eat. My husband is saying why did you let him do this, at the cost of almost 400 dollars our share. He certainly didn't make it clear what a temp tooth would be and I certainly didn't understand and I came out of the wonderland of laughing gas. I go back tomorrow for a followup. (Nancy Luebke 3:58pm July 10, 2016)
I'm what's referred to as a "fearful" patient so I see a dentist that specializes in patients like me. Every time I see the dentist it creates anxiety. However, I'm starting to become a little less anxious. Maybe one day my anxiety will disappear completely. (Nancy Marcho 5:44pm July 10, 2016)
I hate going to the dentist! The worst part is they are all inside my mouth and then start talking to me. I'm not sure how I am supposed to talk back with various tools inside my mouth. (Lily Shah 10:21am July 12, 2016)
That picture gave me the willies! It reminded me of the time I had a root canal. The worst pain ever! (Meghan Stith 12:38pm July 13, 2016)
I'm glad you are an author and can potentially apply your dental fears and analysis into your writing. I have had regular dental cleanings and checkups with very few cavities, so I have never had a fear of the dentist. (However, medical doctors are another story. I always feared medical visits, ran away from the shots as a kid, and was over 40 before I became able to calm myself with self hypnosis and appear normal during medical visits where I had blood drawn or got an immunization.) As you are a new author to me, I'm glad to have learned about you. And, I look forward to reading your book All Right Here! (Betsy Pauzauskie 3:30am July 14, 2016)
I was ok with the dentist until the root canal. Those are the worst. I do not like being numb (after a while it didn't even work that much) and the drill when it hits the sensitive spots...YIKES. Hopefully I will not have to do that again! Hopefully you wont either! (Blythe Jackson 6:17am July 14, 2016)
I have a gentle dentist and I just hope he doesn't retire during my lifetime. (Anna Speed 11:48am July 14, 2016)
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