Morticia Knight | Love, BDSM and Social Anxiety

Many times when I sketch a character, when I’m right at the beginning of
figuring out who this person is, I take from my real life. I’ll use aspects
either of myself or those who are close to me, or perhaps someone who I’ve come
across over the years who has had a great impact on me. That’s not too unusual—I
think most writers do that to one degree or another.

But sometimes, I make very deliberate choices. Sometimes there are challenges in
my own life that relate to me, or a friend or family member, and I will inject
personal experience into my stories and characters. Those choices are never made
lightly and they can be scary. It can feel as if I’m allowing myself to become
too vulnerable through my stories because once it’s in the hands of a reader,
it’s completely out of my control.

I don’t want my damaged characters, the ones who’ve had to fight in life, who’ve
had to overcome—or who are still in the process of overcoming being repeatedly
kicked in the teeth—to be disregarded. They’re still healing and I don’t want
them to get hurt any more than they already have been. However, just because I
understand their struggles and pain, that doesn’t necessarily mean that others
will too. And isn’t that just like real life?

Not everyone will be able to relate to or understand Liam from CUTTING CORDS. For those of you who have followed the Kiss of Leather series, you’ll remember him showing up here and there as the very young sub who has a severe anxiety disorder. His Master died of a massive heart attack, and he’s been alone, depressed and unsure of his place in the world. He’s struggled to pick himself back up with the help of friends, and he’s become pro-active by seeking counseling and trying to move forward with his life.

But Rome wasn’t built in a day. It would be very convenient for me to have that
be his back story then begin right at the point where he’s been magically healed
and he’s ready to move forward with the great romance of the century. But that
would be doing him, and the readers, a great disservice. I wrote him with a true
hand. Liam is equal parts me, two of my daughters, my ex, and friends who I’ve
met along the way.

Social anxiety disorders are real and scary and greatly misunderstood. A few
people who have read this story already contacted me privately to share that
they understood Liam, because he’s also them. They can’t quiet their disordered,
panicky thoughts. They have to write things down so they don’t say anything
‘weird’ to someone when speaking on the phone. They won’t eat in public, and
loud noises, a smell, a crowd—many things can trigger a debilitating panic
attack that can be humiliating for the person experiencing it. Many, like Liam,
will do anything to avoid that embarrassment, so will either bolt from a
situation leaving everyone perplexed, or simply never leave the house to avoid
having to deal with it at all.

A big part of the humiliation comes from the fact that there are those out there
who don’t believe this is a real disorder, or that it’s greatly exaggerated.
They can tell us to ‘get over it’, ‘quit being such a big baby’, ‘stop your
whining’, and so on. That attitude then exacerbates the situation and increases
the odds of panic, since we’ll be so stressed out by the possibility of being
ridiculed or dismissed, that such a declaration alone can trigger an episode.

Liam’s not my first character facing great challenges in his quest for true love
and he won’t be my last. I hope as you read about him, you’ll experience him
with an open-heart and a bit of understanding. More importantly, if you meet
someone like him in your own life, maybe his story will give you some insight
into what it’s like for someone living that reality on a daily basis.

Of course, since this is also a romance and I always serve up a
Happily-Ever-After, be rest assured that Liam is well taken care of. I hope you
enjoy his journey to true love!