My parents split up when I was in middle school. I suppose I might have handled
it better but even now, looking back, I canโt say why they werenโt able to
figure out a way back to each other despite their problems. They still love each
other but they decided to part ways.
So I suppose that divorce
forged in many ways my ideas about a long-term relationship. Honestly, I find
myself somewhat surprised to be in one. Iโve been with my husband since I was
twenty โ almost 18 years now since we first met. Weโve been through 5 combat
deployments between the two of us and weโre pretty lucky that we still love each
other enough to keep the family together, spend time with each other and still
be there when things arenโt going so hot.
I donโt actually have any
sage advise for maintaining a long term relationship but I can tell you what
Iโve done through the war and the years to try and keep things going. Your
mileage may vary and all that but I figure itโs been working so far, why not
pass along what nuggests of whatever this might be called.
They say the way to a
manโs heart is through his stomach. During his deployments, I sent food. Lots
and lots of junk food. Little Debbies, cookies, beef jerky. Anything that was
shelf stable (read surviving the apocalypse) I sent. When he ran out of food on
his base, I sent canned goods and peanut butter and ramen. Every week I would
cart these giant boxes to the post office and ship food off to the war zone.
I wrote to him. Every
night, Iโd write and tell him what fresh hell the dogs put me through that day.
They were still relatively young and they were hooked on the cat poop and, well,
they werenโt responsible for their actions. But I tried to make him laugh with
whatever shenanigans I thought heโd find funny and he did the same. I still have
the emails from that first year and some of his notes still make me laugh.
There were also dirty
letters. Well, I mean, I had to start my romance career somewhere, right? So
yeah, Iโd send him dirty letters and hope that they didnโt get opened by someone
else on the network. But I think even the facsimile of physical closeness helped
us maintain some of our connection during the deployments. It was a distant
second to occupying the same space but I do think that keeping that part of our
relationship alive while he was gone made it easier to rekindle when he came
home.
But in all of that? We
laughed. We laugh about terrible things, about sad things. About the cats and
the kids and our parents and everything else. We laugh about the stupid things
soldiers do, the dumb things we did and never got caught for.
If you had to ask me what
the one thing would be for a long term relationship, Iโd have to say laughter.
Because 18 years into this thing, he can still make me laugh in the worst
of times.
About the Author
Jessica Scott is a
career army officer, mother of two daughters, three cats and
three dogs, wife to a career NCO and wrangler of all things stuffed and fluffy.
She is a terrible cook and even worse housekeeper, but she's a pretty good shot
with her assigned weapon and someone liked some of the stuff she wrote. Somehow,
her children are pretty well adjusted and her husband still loves her, despite
burned water and a messy house.
She's written for the New York Times At War Blog, PBS Point of View Regarding
War, and IAVA. She deployed to Iraq in 2009 as part of OIF/New Dawn and has
served as a company commander at Fort Hood, Texas.
She's pursuing a PhD in Sociology in her spare time and most recently, she's
been featured as one of Esquire Magazine's Americans of the Year for 2012. Her
next book, a Christmas novella entitled
ALL I WANT FOR
CHRISTMAS IS YOU, releases on November 25.
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All Major Patrick MacLean wanted was Christmas with the woman and child who were
his family in everything but name. But Captain Samantha Egan has come back from
the war a different woman than the one who left - and she doesn't know if she
can love him anymore.
But neither of them counted on the determination of a little girl they both call
daughter and if Natalie has her wish, her parents may have no idea what's coming
for them. It's going to take Christmas miracle to bring these two wounded
warriors back from the edge of a broken heart.
Pre-Order ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS YOU today!
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