Interview with Kaylie Jones

Alcoholism is a disease that affects people from all walks of life. It’s hard not to turn on the television these days without hearing about some celebrity on his or her way to rehab. Even the radio plays its fair share of songs lamenting the hardship of this addictive drug.

This month’s Jen’s Jewels knows firsthand how destructive alcohol can be. Kaylie Jones is no stranger to the publishing business having lived a life surrounded by many literary giants including her own father, James Jones. In her latest release, LIES MY MOTHER NEVER TOLD ME, she beautifully puts into words her own family’s struggle with alcohol and shares the hard life lessons she’s learned along the way.

As part of this interview, William Morrow has generously donated five copies for you, my lucky readers, to win. So, don’t forget to look for the trivia question at the end. And as always, thanks for making Jen’s Jewels a part of your reading adventure.

Jen: As the daughter of the award-winning novelist James Jones, you lived a privileged life surrounded by numerous literary giants such as Truman Capote and Irwin Shaw. In your latest release, LIES MY MOTHER NEVER TOLD ME, you take on your biggest challenge to date…your relationship with your mother, in an unforgettable memoir filled with brutal honesty and raw emotion. First, let’s talk about your childhood. As an American living in Paris, what aspects of the French culture most positively affected your family life?

Kaylie: I loved being bilingual. I loved French culture and manners. I felt very much at home in France and still do. The one aspect of French life that I didn’t love was school! I didn’t do well with the kind of authoritative nastiness the teachers dished out on small children.

Jen: At the beginning of the book, you address the adoption of your brother Jamie in great detail. Looking back, what impact did it have on your relationship with your mother? Throughout your childhood, did you embrace his presence or were there feelings of resentment?

Kaylie: Jamie and I argued a lot as kids. My mother always took his side. But I understand why she did. She felt he was much more vulnerable than I. There wasn’t much of my mother to share in the first place, and now there were two of us. Yes, we fought a lot. But we grew up, and now we don’t fight at all.

Jen: And, what is your relationship like today?

Kaylie: Jamie is one of the best people I know. I trust him completely and believe he will always have my back, as I’ll have his. He is intelligent, sensitive, loyal, and decent. All the things I love in human beings.

Jen: Your exposure to alcohol at a young age led to your own struggles with alcoholism later in life. As a child, how did you feel about your parents’ drinking? Was it acceptable behavior in your eyes?

Kaylie: To me, their drinking seemed perfectly normal. I thought everyone in the world drank that way, and that it was part of life. “I’m so hung over” was a sentence that I thought everyone said, and that it was very amusing.

Jen: How did the loss of your father when you were sixteen years old change your relationship with your mother?

Kaylie: My father’s death certainly didn’t help my relationship with my mother. She completely collapsed. If she was unavailable before, now she was completely shut down. It took her years to pull herself out of that depression, and I don’t believe she ever fully recovered. My relationship with my brother, however, improved a great deal. We began to talk. We began to rely on each other for advice and help. He was a pillar against which I leaned and still lean.

Jen: On his deathbed, your father asked you, not Jamie, to promise to stop your mother from drinking. Why do you think he chose to rest the burden upon your shoulders and not his?

Kaylie: Our father put a different burden on Jamie. He told Jamie, “Take care of the house. If you take care of the house, everything else will be all right.” That 16 year old boy broke his back trying to keep the house together. He thought it was his mission in life. Letting go of his responsibility toward the house was the hardest thing he probably ever had to do.

Jen: Soon after his demise, your mother’s reckless behavior quickly encroached upon your world as she drew you into her life of drunkenness. For many years, it was the norm for you. At what point did you realize that your life was spinning out of control?

Kaylie: When I was diagnosed as having an ulcer at the age of 28. That was the beginning of the end for me. But it took me another three years and a disastrous marriage to realize I was an alcoholic and that I was in serious trouble.

Jen: Facing sobriety took a toll on many of your relationships including the one with your mother. Throughout your memoir, you address your feelings of guilt of not being able to help her battle her own demons. How have you turned this experience into a positive learning tool for your daughter, Eyrna?

Kaylie: I never hid from Eyrna that I was an alcoholic who no longer drank. She has known that since she was able to talk and understand. I never hid it and I never acted as if it were a bad thing, or a secret. This enabled her to have no feelings of guilt or shame associated with the word “alcoholic.” I am probably more proud of this than any other single element of her upbringing.

Jen: I have to admit, I was so happy for you when I read about your marriage to Kevin. You portray him as being your Rock of Gibraltar which you so needed in your life at the time. Describe for us his relationship with your mother. In what ways, if at all, was he able to bridge the gap for you two?

Kaylie: My mother was so angry at Kevin that she actually said, in front of Eyrna when she was around five years old, “If he were my husband, I’d kill him.” Eyrna repeated this to me, worried that her grandmother was actually going to try to kill her father. My mother had no understanding at all of the effect her words might have on a child. The reason my mother did not like Kevin was that he stood up to her. Never once did he let her get away with pushing him around, or me, or Eyrna.

Jen: Let’s talk a minute about Mr. Bill, your Taekwondo instructor as well as mentor. He, too, played a key role in your battle to take control of your life. What was the greatest lesson he taught you? In the book, you mention his illness. Is he still alive?

Kaylie: Mr. Bill is very ill and is not able to do much. I go visit him and call him as often as possible. He is one of the strongest men I’ve ever known. He is so brave in the face of this devastating cancer. What he taught me is that you show up, no matter what. He taught me self-discipline, but also to stop thinking so much, and judging myself so harshly. He always said, “You can’t fight angry. You have to fight calm and clear-headed.”

Jen: Of course, we can’t talk about the ending of the book without giving too much away; however, how did the volatility of your relationship with your mother open your eyes to the fragility of human life?

Kaylie: I think rather the contrary. Our relationship taught me about the strength of human life, and what humans are capable of, both in the good sense and in the bad. When I wanted to shrink into bed and never come out again, I got dressed and took my daughter to school. I made dinner. I went to tae kwon do. I learned that one goes on, no matter what.

Jen: Which character traits did you inherit from each of your parents of which you are most proud?

Kaylie: They were both very stubborn. They were both more angry than afraid. I think these traits have helped me to survive and be single-minded in my pursuits.

Jen: Upon completion of this memoir, what valuable life lessons did you take away from the whole experience of putting your life into words?

Kaylie: I really felt, after this whole experience with my mother, that nothing much worse in terms of humiliation and horror could happen to me. So I decided that I would not feel ashamed or guilty ever again, for things that “happen” to me, or, things that I might have done in the past that I used to feel ashamed about.

Jen: Finally, let’s talk about the title, LIES MY MOTHER NEVER TOLD ME. Please explain to us its significance.

Kaylie: I was raised with the belief that my mother was the most honest person in the world. I was told this repeatedly by both my parents. It’s a simple mathematical proof: if my mother was the most honest person in the world, and she believed she was not an alcoholic, then the problem must have been within me. My mother never told lies; therefore, she never told me lies. These are the lies she never told me. When I discovered that we were all alcoholics, the entire foundation upon which we stood was shattered.

Jen: Are you currently at work on your next project? And if so, what can you tell us about it?

Kaylie: I am thinking about, and taking notes for, two projects, one a novel with an unreliable first person narrator who lies to the reader all the time; the other is a memoir about my teaching experience, and how that shaped my life. I wasn’t able to put much of that in this book. It is a completely different, yet just as important subject for me.

Jen: Thank you so much for taking time out of your busy schedule to stop by and chat with my readers. Your life story is a true testament to the strong woman you have become. I so appreciate you sharing it with my readers.

Kaylie: Thank you for your thoughtful and heartfelt questions.

I hope you have enjoyed my interview with Kaylie. If you would like to learn more about LIES MY MOTHER NEVER TOLD ME, please click on this YouTube link.

Okay, it’s time for the trivia contest! Be one of five readers to answer with the correct answer to the following trivia question and you’ll win your very own copy of LIES MY MOTHER NEVER TOLD ME.

What is the name of Kaylie’s Taekwondo instructor?

Later this month, I will be bringing to you my interview with Cathy Marie Buchanan, author of the phenomenal love story THE DAY THE FALLS STOOD STILL. You won’t want to miss it!

Until next time...Jen

When a twist of fate landed Jennifer at the "Reading with Ripa" roundtable discussion with Kelly Ripa and Meg Cabot, she knew that her career as a French teacher would essentially be over. Instead, she figured out a clever way to combine her love for reading and writing and "voilà" She became a book reviewer and columnist with www.freshfiction.com. On the sidelines, her parents secretly hoped that her French degree from Vanderbilt would one day come in handy and Jennifer is happy to report that the phrases ‘Je ne sais pas' and ‘C'est incroyable!' have been quite useful when reviewing certain selections! As is typical in her whirlwind life, one thing led to another and soon she found herself facilitating a popular moms' book club and writing a column she cleverly named Jen's Jewels. (Jewelry is one of her many addictions, as is the color pink and Lilly Pulitzer, which when you think about it, would probably make for a good story! Hint! Hint! ) To keep herself away from her favorite retailer, Ann Taylor, she serves on the Board of Trustees of the Harford County Public Library in Maryland. As a national trainer for The Arthritis Foundation's Aquatic and Land Exercise Classes, she is an advocate for those like herself who suffer from arthritis, the nation's #1 cause of disability. When asked how she manages to do all of these things and actually get some sleep at night, she simply replied, "It's just Par for the Course." Hmm! Now where have we heard that before?