Mesu Andrews | The Many Colors of Mother-Daughter Relationships

In my recent release, Of Fire and Lions, I explore the biblical story of Daniel, who was exiled to Babylon. Remember the guy thrown into the lions’ den who escaped unharmed? Because the Hebrew Bible usually records only male descendants and Daniel has no recorded offspring, this novel gives Daniel only daughters. Five, actually; and a significant part of the story involves his fictional wife’s strained relationship with them.

Why add a seemingly insignificant conflict when the story
already includes Daniel saved from lions, three men’s escape from a fiery
execution, a king’s
transformation into a beast, and a wealthy nobleman’s rescue of a lovely woman
from a
degrading priesthood?

Because the emotional struggle between a mother or
daughter affects about half the women I meet—and I have two daughters of my own.

The moment they slipped squalling from my body, they’ve
been a conundrum. They’re like yin and yang. Black and white. Completely
opposite yet best
friends. But it hasn’t always been that way…

At first, daughters seem a kaleidoscope of colors—
impossible to sort out for a young mom. “Why is she crying? Why won’t she sleep? My
daughter won’t share—will she ever have friends? She did WHAT to the other child?”

And then she becomes a teen and our colors turn red—
angry and embarrassing. They hate us because they need us, yet we adore them
despite the
struggle. Humbling us with their vulnerability; they humiliate us with their
behavior.

Then comes college, and red turns blue. They soar on wings in cloudless skies while we cry buckets and wonder, What do I do in this empty nest? At this age comes independence, and with independence comes careers and maybe marriage.

That’s when it happened to my girls—somewhere between
high school and the wedding dress—they became as different as black and white.
Not just the
opposite of each other but vastly changed from the little ones I taught and
teens I fought.
They’d become women I no longer knew but who I desperately wanted to call friends.

So, what did I do?

I turned to the woman I’d hated when I was a teen, tolerated
while in college, clung to when a newlywed, and held like a lifeline during my
young-mom
years.

Yes, my own mother was the black to my white, opposite in
so many ways, and yet my best friend. Always available, she knew when silence
was best or
counsel was needed. She modeled friendship with my girls as our own friendship
grew year by
year.

Today, my girls are competent mamas, and my mama now needs me. No longer black and white, our reminiscing is like a box of 64-Crayolas, the laughter and tears every shade of the rainbow. My girls call her too, soaking in knowledge and memories, reminding Grandma she’s irreplaceable. Every mom needs to hear it. Every daughter should say it. No matter the history, despite the quirks, the bond of women through generations is precious.

I hope you’ll tuck away these colorful Mother’s Day lessons:

1. Kaleidoscope – Moms of little ones, accept your daughter’s imperfections. Train with consistency; love unconditionally.
2. Red – Moms of teens, realize your girls don’t want to need you, but they do—and it’s frustrating to them. Encourage independence with boundaries and grace.
3. Blue – Moms of college- aged/post-college, cut those apron strings; get to know them as friends. Don’t enable. Let them fail. Cheer them on to independence.
4. Black & White – Opposite personalities from all generation, cultivate great friendships and let one’s weak area complement the another’s strengths.
5. 64 Crayola – Moms/Daughters/Grand-daughters, appreciate each other. Revel in the good memories. Make new ones. Gain wisdom from elders still alive to give it.

My new release, Of Fire and Lions, paints with broad strokes the mother/daughter relationship of Daniel’s fictional wife, Belili, and the guilt she feels over lost opportunities. Her daughters feel cheated by a mother who seems emotionally distant and uncaring. The resolve isn’t fluffy clouds and lollipops but rather a real-life experience of women’s complex emotions. I hope you’ll enter to win a free copy (one winner; if U.S. winner chosen, he/she receives choice of digital or paperback; international winner in qualifying country receives egift card equal to book value). Please visit http://www.mesuandrews.com/ to order free bookmarks, download Bible studies or group discussion questions.