Kathy Bryson | Leprechauns...

Since I’ve been writing about leprechauns, I especially look forward to St.
Patty’s Day. But I keep running into those who think that leprechauns are
little, green men. People just can’t seem to wrap their heads around the trick.
So today, I’d like to introduce you to some leprechauns who have promised to set
the record straight. Up first is Fergus, the clan leader of the leprechauns in
Fayetteville.

Fergus: I didn’t promise to set the record straight. I just heard there was beer. Me: Yes, there’s beer, but first, you promised to explain how leprechauns were not little, green men. Fergus: Promise? What promise? Are you sure that’s what we discussed? Because I distinctly remember someone mentioning beer. Me: We’ll get to the beer! First, let’s discuss leprechauns. Most people are surprised to learn they’re not wee fairies, but actually grown men. How do you explain that? Fergus: I don’t. Like I said, I’m just here for the beer. Murphy: Stop messing with the woman, Fergus. You started this whole thing by revealing our secrets originally, so now you need to answer the lady’s questions. Me: Murphy, ladies and gentlemen. Bar owner and president of the local International Boxing Association chapter. So Murphy, since you’re talking, why the confusion? Murphy: Oh that’s easy, luv. What better way to hide the gold than to become a joke, a story nobody takes seriously? Me: It’s a pretty big joke, though, to convince the world that you’re just wee fairies. How did you manage to pull that off? And just how much gold are we talking here? Fergus: He didn’t pull it off. Clurichauns are not allowed near the gold. They can’t be trusted. They have no clan loyalty. Me: Wait, I thought you were both leprechauns. What’s a clurichaun? Murphy (rolls eyes): Clurichauns are the red-headed stepchildren of the leprechaun world. We don’t bother with all that clan nonsense. When it comes to battles, we provide the supply trains, which meant we have the beer! Fergus (leans forward): Who knows where your loyalties lie without knowing your clan? Besides you spend all your time mooning over Carla at your bar! Murphy: Oh, like you didn’t spill all our secrets to the first woman who caught you! By pinching your bum! Me: Gentlemen! I’m trying to conduct an interview here. This is not the time for a fight! Fergus (snorts): Please! I totally out danced you at that féile in the Farmers’ Market. Murphy: What féile? That was just sean nós singing and dancing. Something to do around the pub of an evening.” Fergus: Speaking of pubs, someone said something about beer? Murphy: Oh yeah, I just got a new ale in. You’re gonna love this. Me: Wait, guys. Wait! I still want to know about the gold!