Book Title: IF WISHES WERE RETAIL
Character Name: The Djinn formerly of the Ring of Khorad
How would you describe your family or your childhood?
Upon my birth, many thousands of years ago, I was but a flicker of flame, a breath on the wind. So I remained until, at last, my mother coaxed me into a shape, and I was given form. I spent many happy years becoming this and that—a scorpion, a bird, a snake, a tree. I had many brothers and sisters, and our tribe was mighty and untroubled by the doings of humanity then, in the dim reaches of your prehistoric past.
What was your greatest talent?
My millennia bound within the Ring of Khorad and to the service of its bearer has made me adept at granting mortals their heartfelt desires. You call these things “wishes.” This is, for better or worse, what I am best suited to do.
Significant other?
This question is impertinent! Invasive! Rude! I should make of you a donkey so that your braying would be heard for miles, and yet your tongue be robbed of language.
I am single.
Biggest challenge in relationships?
I have been told I have a temper, but this is obviously in error. It is only that humans are vexatious and hypocritical poltroons.
Where do you live?
In a palace of gold and glittering jewels that floats in the heavens, of course! Why? Why do you ask? What have you heard? It is lies, I tell you. LIES!
Do you have any enemies?
None that still live. Oh, I realize that this sounds menacing—I did not kill them. They died on their own, of old age and thwarted ambition. It isn’t that I wouldn’t kill them, but I was trapped in a ring at the time. I am indeed glad they are deceased; may their souls dwell in fire forever.
How do you feel about the place where you are now? Is there something you are particularly attached to, or particularly repelled by, in this place?
Having been freed from my eternal bondage by powers mysterious, I have come to this New World to make my fortune in a place called “America.” They are a curious people, and this is a curious country. I have rarely seen such wealth and opulence, and yet also rarely seen a people so miserable and alone. It is a mystery to me.
Do you have children, pets, both, or neither?
I have an employee, who is a child. She does not belong to me, so I fear saying I “have” her is inaccurate. However, she is bound to my service, which is much the same. Let it be known to all: only her father might gainsay my commands!
What do you do for a living?
I have a business selling “wishes” to mortals in exchange for money. Cash only. My “credit score” is “bad,” evidently.
Greatest disappointment?
Human beings and their stupidity.
Greatest source of joy?
Human beings and their kindness.
What do you do to entertain yourself or have fun?
Fun is for indolent swine. My labors are far from complete, and so my entertainments are of no value. This is what you Americans call a “work ethic,” if I understand your people correctly.
What is your greatest personal failing, in your view?
None. I am a perfect being. It is you mortals who have all the failings.
What keeps you awake at night?
I am sleepless, tireless, ever vigilant. However, somebody should do something about car alarms. Are there so many people who wouldst rob one another of their vehicles, or are these devices constantly malfunctioning?
Is there something that you need or want that you don’t have? For yourself or for someone important to you?
I seek a place to be accepted as a member of society. 3500 years of servitude have estranged me from my own people, and so I must look elsewhere for a home.
Why don’t you have it? What is in the way?
As your society is based upon productive employment and entrepreneurship, so I must start a business and become a financial success to become accepted by all of you. Once this is done, I can do all the things good businessmen do—finance Little League teams, put a float in a parade, and complain at town council meetings about car alarms. The only obstacle is that I do not know how to make my business succeed. Why would selling wishes being so…complicated? I know not where I am going wrong. It is perplexing.
A pop-up at the local mall meets Alladin in this cozy, chaotic, and deeply funny debut novel where an enterprising young woman and a clueless genie just try to make a living.
Alex Delmore needs a miracle. She wants out of her dead-end suburban town, but her parents are broke and NYU seems like a distant dream.
Good thing there’s a genie in town—and he’s hiring at the Wellspring Mall.
It’d help if the Jinn-formerly-of-the-Ring-of-Khorad knew even one thing about 21st-century America. It’d help if he weren't at least as stubborn as Alex. It’d really help if her brother didn’t sell her out to her conspiracy theory-loving, gnome-hating dad.
When Alex and the genie set up their wishing kiosk, they face seemingly-endless setbacks. The mall is failing and management will not stop interfering on behalf of their big-box tenants.
But when the wishing biz might start working, the biggest problem of all remains: People are really terrible at wishing.
Action | Fantasy | Humor [Tachyon Publications, On Sale: June 17, 2025, Trade Paperback / e-Book , ISBN: 9781616964344 / eISBN: 9781616964351]
On the day Auston Habershaw was born, Skylab fell from the heavens. This foretold two possible fates: supervillain or scifi/fantasy author. Fortunately he chose the latter, and spends his time imagining the could-be and the never-was rather than disintegrating the moon with his volcano laser. He lives and works in Boston, MA.
Auston is a winner of the Writers of the Future Contest (2nd place in quarter 1, 2014) and has published stories in Analog, Galaxy’s Edge, The Sword and Laser Anthology, and Escape Pod, among other places. His fantasy series, The Saga of the Redeemed is available through Harper Voyager Impulse.
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