Interview with Awista Ayub

This time last month, we all were celebrating our country’s birthday. It’s amazing how far we have come. From the Civil War to civil rights, we have made great strides in history. Nowadays, our freedom seems to have become commonplace. Quite frankly, it’s something we expect and rightfully so. Our forefathers fought long and hard to make our nation what it is today. Yet many countries around the globe do not have such liberties. It’s hard for us to imagine what life for them is like.

This month’s Jen’s Jewels has experienced life in both circumstances. Awista Ayub fled her homeland of Afghanistan as a child only to return as an Afghan-American adult. In her inspirational book HOWEVER TALL THE MOUNTAIN, she shares her story of how the game of soccer changed her life and the lives of Afghan girls forever.

As part of this interview, Hyperion Books has generously donated five books for you, my lucky readers, to win. So, don’t forget to look for the trivia question at the end. Thanks for making Jen’s Jewels a part of your reading adventure.

Jen: As an Afghanistan- American, your cultural heritage played an instrumental role as the inspiration for your book, HOWEVER TALL THE MOUNTAIN. Let’s start by taking a step back, and talk about your journey to America. Please describe for us the circumstances that led to your fleeing of Afghanistan back in 1981. Was anyone in your immediate family left behind?

Awista: When leaving Afghanistan in 1981 I was only two years old, so I have no memory of the journey itself, but the circumstances surrounding our exit from Afghanistan were tied directly to the war taking place in the country. In 1978 Russian forces entered Afghanistan and, as a result, life changed for many families including my own. My parents never thought of leaving their homeland until 1981 but staying for them, they felt, was also no longer an option as was the sentiment for the millions of other Afghan refugees that fled the country since the late 1970s.

Certainly my family was fortunate enough to be in a position to leave – but this was not an option for all Afghans. Some of our immediate family was left behind either because they chose to stay or they were unable to leave. For those families that remained in Afghanistan, they thought it best to weather out the storm thinking it might only last for a short period of time. There was still so much uncertainty in regards to where the country was going, and I’m sure, no one could have predicted that 30 years later the country would still be in a tumultuous position. For those Afghans that did decide to stay after the initial Russian invasion, I think that they thought the war and violence would only last a short period of time, and that the country might still have a chance to return to normalcy. My parents did have that same hope, but what was a temporary move to the States had eventually become a permanent one, as their home country was still not stable enough to return to.

Jen: In terms of your family life, what steps did your parents take in order to keep your country’s customs and beliefs a part of your daily life?

Awista: Growing up with a hyphenated identity wasn’t always easy, but my parents always kept the culture strong at home, and from that, my siblings and I have kept the culture alive in our own lives. At home my parents would speak to my siblings and I in our native tongue, Pashto, they taught us the nuances of the culture, taught us how to read and write in Arabic so that we could read the Qur’an, and my mother taught my sister and me the hand embroidery that is endemic to the Kandari culture. I must say though that as a young girl, at times, I might not have always appreciated the extra efforts that my parents went through to ensure that the culture was alive in our home, but it is something that I am even more thankful and grateful for now.

Jen: Having arrived in the States at the age of two, I would think that you would have few, if any, memories of life from your homeland. Growing up, did you feel as if you belonged here, or was there always a sense that a part of yourself was missing?

Awista: Growing up as a first generation immigrant certainly had its benefits and challenges. One benefit was that we always had unique stories from our parents’ lives to listen to, but a challenge was that we couldn’t experience it ourselves. There were many times as a young girl where I would feel a bit out of place – certainly having a unique name made me stand out, but even more than that, I did feel as though I couldn’t always identify with American culture. I remember my first trip to Afghanistan as an adult and finally feeling at “home” – I looked like everyone else, was able to speak Pashto every day. That sense of belonging was a new and welcoming feeling to me – which is not to say though that I don’t feel welcomed in the States, but to connect again with one’s native country is a unique and life-changing experience. Although I felt at “home” there, I still faced some difficulties in adjusting to life in Afghanistan having never experienced the culture as strongly as I did during my time there.

Jen: Since the passing of Title IX in 1972, the opportunity to play sports has greatly attributed to the overall development of young women. As a child in the early eighties, please tell us how your involvement in soccer began, and how it made a mark on your future.

Awista: Interestingly enough, I wasn’t involved with organized athletics until later in life, and was never a soccer player. With being such a young immigrant family, the priority for my parents was to provide the essentials for the family, and so signing us up for a youth sports program wasn’t a top priority. My first real introduction to sports was through television – ESPN – and I remember watching SportsCenter weekday and weekend mornings. I would also watch tennis and ice hockey matches frequently on TV and always wanted to play – but didn’t have a chance to at the time. Once I began my freshman year in high school I decided that I would play tennis and joined the team that spring season. I immediately fell in love with playing and would spend hours on the court even after practice was over. There began my first introduction to organized sports. In the classroom and on the court, I felt, was where I was the most confident as a young girl. I continued to participate in sports from that point forward and I now recognize that this had an extremely positive impact on my own life. I learned key lessons in life from my experience playing sports – learned how to work towards a goal, understood the power of teamwork, gained strength in my own self-confidence, and learned how to handle losses with grace and tenacity. While these lessons can be learned outside of the sports arena, I do think that the platform of sports reinforces it more strongly.

Jen: How did your love for soccer transcend into a personal journey of hope for eight young girls? And, please describe the mission of the Afghan Youth Sports Exchange.

Awista: The Afghan Youth Sports Exchange (AYSE) is an organization I founded in late 2003 dedicated to equipping Afghanistan’s youth with the leadership skills required to promote athletics in their communities. Bringing a group of female soccer players to the States for training, I thought, would provide them an opportunity to experience another culture and gain leadership skills while also learning the fundamentals of the sport.

I chose soccer not because of my love for the sport per se, but because of my impression of the global nature of the sport itself. Also, soccer is easy, since all you really need to play is a ball. The goal was that the girls, upon their return to Afghanistan, would help teach soccer to other young children in Afghanistan. What I would come to understand later, though, was that by choosing soccer, a male-dominated sport in Afghanistan, the girls would be pushing the boundaries of the sports culture and would be thrust into a position that would challenge the gender barriers of the culture both on and off the field.

Jen: How did HOWEVER TALL THE MOUNTAIN come to fruition? I have to admit, I was quite touched by the title you chose for your book. As you shared with your readers, it comes from an Afghan proverb…However tall the mountain, there’s always a road. Without a doubt, it beautifully depicts your story.

Awista: The title of the book, However Tall the Mountain, came to fruition as a result of poet/writer/editor Veronica Golos who worked with me on the book. Veronica stumbled upon the proverb while we were working on the book, and as we discussed title ideas she proposed However Tall the Mountain. The publisher and I felt that it was a very fitting title for the book as the book shares with the reader both stories of struggle, and also of courage and hope as these young Afghan girls overcome tremendous obstacles in their own pursuit in fighting for the right to play.

Jen: As I read the book, I couldn’t help but wonder… how you were able to convince these families (the men, of course, who are the heads of the households) to allow their daughters, not sons, to play soccer? Here you are, a foreigner, an American none-the-less, trying to break cultural restrictions enforced by the former Taliban. How did you do it? And at the time, did you fear your own safety?

Awista: A colleague on the ground in Kabul found the first group of girls that traveled to the States in 2004. Since girls weren’t playing soccer at the time that we were recruiting, the decision in choosing each girl was based on their own level of maturity in being able to handle a trip to the States. We also based it on their leadership potential as we hoped the girls would help teach peers the sport upon their return to Afghanistan.

Getting permission from the parents was not actually too difficult. I strongly believe that parents all over the world want to provide what is best for their children, regardless if it’s their daughters or sons and regardless of what country they live in. By the time of the program, Afghanistan had faced over 25 years of war and violence dating back to 1978. The girls were born into this world of brutality. When a chance came for them to participate in the exchange trip to the States, their parents were more than happy to allow their daughters to see the world beyond their troubled region.

Jen: Tacking onto that last question, what was the reaction from the families when you told them that the girls would be wearing uniforms and not traditional garb? Did the girls wear burqas while playing? Why or why not?

Awista: When the girls were in the States in 2004, I gave them the option to choose what they were most comfortable wearing as it wouldn’t be my place to dictate to them what they should or shouldn’t wear. While they chose to cover their bodies with long and loose t-shirts, long and loose shorts and long socks, they didn’t wear a headscarf as they did back in Kabul – but this was their choice. None of the girls wore burqas while in Kabul at the time of the trip, so not wearing one while in the States was not an issue. In my trips to Kabul in working with the local girl’s sports teams I would also never interfere with what any girl would want to wear while playing sports. With that said though, the girls locally wear what they are most comfortable playing in – which doesn’t include shorts – there is variation in how they dress. All of the girls wear pants, and loose fitting t-shirts – oftentimes long-sleeve, many also cover their heads but while some wear the head scarf, others might wear a baseball cap, or cover their hair with a bandana. So they use their personal preference and judgment to decide what is best for them – as should be the case. The playing field is also a “safe space” in that there are no men around watching the girls play, so this provides them an environment where they can make these choices for themselves.

Jen: Throughout the book, when the girls are speaking, they end their phrase with “jan”. What does that mean? Is it a word of respect in the Afghan culture? Also, please describe in further detail the typical Afghan breakfast. The tidbits of Afghan cultural you shared with the reader were very interesting.

Awista: The term “jan” in Afghan culture is a term of respect and endearment and translates to mean “dear”. So out of respect it is a phrase used frequently after someone’s name.

The typical Afghan breakfast is very tasty and savory. It oftentimes includes eggs which are cooked over sautéed tomatoes and onions, fresh homemade bread, and with warm milk, tea, or a tea with milk. My favorite is the tea with milk!

Jen: In what ways was the language barrier an issue for you in terms of implementing your program? How much English did the girls learn?

Awista: The language barrier, particularly when the girls were in the States, was definitely a major obstacle to me personally. All of the girls spoke Dari, and I grew up speaking Pashto, and while some words are similar, the two languages are vastly different from one another. Although the language barrier didn’t hinder my ability to implement the program, it did make it difficult to pick up on the dynamics of the team and allow me to follow a conversation between them in real time. I oftentimes had to ask for a translation of the conversation from one of the girls who spoke Pashto. But while the language barrier might have left me out of the live conversation at times, it interestingly provided the girls an opportunity to handle their own issues and problems, and so when they returned back to Kabul they were used to each others’ personalities and how to handle their own issues without the interference of an adult. So I do feel that they returned as a stronger team and were capable of managing their own team issues. In regards to English, the girls picked up a few phrases and words, but because Dari was the common language among all of the girls they didn’t need to learn too much English – although some girls did understand and spoke basic English from learning the language in Afghanistan.

Jen: The impact of your program on the lives of these girls is immeasurable. Simply, their overall sense of self-worth is priceless. Let’s turn the tables. How have you grown as an individual from this experience?

Awista: In many ways, my work with the program helped me find a part of myself – a part I didn’t know was missing at the time. While I always had dreams of returning to Afghanistan one day, the circumstance of where the country was throughout its tumultuous history caused me to let go of that dream over time. Now, having worked with the girls and traveled to Afghanistan I’ve gained an even deeper appreciation and respect for the culture, and also for those Afghans that have endured so much pain and suffering. I had no choice really but to change and grow on a personal level. And while I was always grateful for the courage and initiative it took for my parents to come to the States back in 1981, I’ve now come to appreciate it even more as I know that my life experience could have been drastically different from the life I live. So it has increased my own sense of responsibility and my own desire to help others as well, not only in Afghanistan but Muslim female athletes in other countries.

Jen: Will the girls have the opportunity to read this book? Why or why not?

Awista: Yes, they will certainly receive copies of the book once it is published. Their stories are truly inspiring and for them to have some of their life stories written will be something that they can have for years to come.

Jen: Describe for us your vision for the Afghan Youth Sports Exchange’s future. Is there an opportunity for Americans to contribute their time, talent, and monetary support to this cause? If so, how would my readers be able to reach out to your organization?

Awista: In regards to the Afghan Youth Sports Exchange (AYSE) and its future, our last in-country program took place during the summer of 2007 where we sent a delegation of Afghan-American coaches to Afghanistan to organize a number of sports clinics in Kabul. As security has increasingly become an issue, I couldn’t guarantee the safety of those coaches that traveled with the program to Kabul, and we have not sent a delegation of coaches since then. While my work, up to now, has focused solely on Afghanistan, I’ve also come to understand that more funding and support also needs to be provided for more Muslim women sports programs. With this in mind, I’ve partnered with the Dutch NGO Women Win in starting the “However Tall the Mountain Fund” in which funds will be used to support programs for Muslim women in sports. Readers can log onto my website at www.awistaayub.com to find out how they can help.

Jen: Thank you so much for stopping by to chat with my readers. HOWEVER TALL THE MOUNTAIN is a truly inspirational book. I wish you all the best with your program. Thanks for making the world a better place for all girls around the globe.

Awista: Thank you. I enjoyed answering the questions and look forward to hearing the feedback from your readers.

I hope you have enjoyed my interview with Awista Ayub. Please stop by your favorite bookstore or local library branch and pick up a copy of HOWEVER TALL THE MOUNTAIN today.

Better yet, how would you like to win one? Be one of five people answer the following question correctly and you could win your own copy.

From where does the title of Awista’s book originate?

Later this month, I will be bringing to you my interview with bestselling author Kris Radish. You won’t want to miss it.

Until next time…Jen

When a twist of fate landed Jennifer at the "Reading with Ripa" roundtable discussion with Kelly Ripa and Meg Cabot, she knew that her career as a French teacher would essentially be over. Instead, she figured out a clever way to combine her love for reading and writing and "voilà" She became a book reviewer and columnist with www.freshfiction.com. On the sidelines, her parents secretly hoped that her French degree from Vanderbilt would one day come in handy and Jennifer is happy to report that the phrases ‘Je ne sais pas' and ‘C'est incroyable!' have been quite useful when reviewing certain selections! As is typical in her whirlwind life, one thing led to another and soon she found herself facilitating a popular moms' book club and writing a column she cleverly named Jen's Jewels. (Jewelry is one of her many addictions, as is the color pink and Lilly Pulitzer, which when you think about it, would probably make for a good story! Hint! Hint! ) To keep herself away from her favorite retailer, Ann Taylor, she serves on the Board of Trustees of the Harford County Public Library in Maryland. As a national trainer for The Arthritis Foundation's Aquatic and Land Exercise Classes, she is an advocate for those like herself who suffer from arthritis, the nation's #1 cause of disability. When asked how she manages to do all of these things and actually get some sleep at night, she simply replied, "It's just Par for the Course." Hmm! Now where have we heard that before?