Ruth Bonapace | A Tour of What I Think of as "My Great Adventure"

Hi, I’m Tina and I’m the only person in this book I trust to give you the full, honest-to-goodness tour of what I think of as My Great Adventure.

First, where I grew up: a city near Manhattan, which is about 20 minutes by bus but might as well be 1,000 miles away. Known “The Heights,” it’s not Jersey City’s fancy schmancy historic district but also not the poor section. Just kinda invisible, with salt-of-the-earth people like my grandma in vinyl sided houses, stacked next to each other, plastic flowers on the stoop. Dunkin Donuts at the corner was my hangout, and Burger King my go-to lunch until, of course, I got the Bulgarian Training Manual and changed my eating habits.

The catalyst to this change happened at Supreme Physique, a no-frills gym near grandma’s house with decent equipment – the usual bikes, treadmills, bench presses – and people from all walks of life, including a bunch of hard-core wannabe body builders who thought they were God’s gift. The manager would tape “before and after” photos on the walls and pages ripped from muscle magazines.

Another important place for me was the laundromat. I’d hang out, fold clothes, my way of relaxing. Since hardly anyone in my neighborhood owned a washer and dryer, well, it was an easy way to run into neighbors, catch up with friends, meet cute guys and, if nothing else, watch daytime shows on the TV over the counter.

Next town over is Hoboken, where I used to work at small real estate office located next to a diner – French fries and gravy! - across from the PATH train, which runs under the Hudson River and connects NJ to NY. Hoboken used to be a lot like my neighborhood until rich kids discovered the NYC skyline views and hip bars and pretty soon, they were snapping up brownstones – yep, gentrification – and then the builders put up pricey new high-rises. Which means all I could afford was a rundown basement apartment. And, very important, did you know Hoboken floods badly when there’s a downpour? I found out the hard way. Don’t believe me? Look it up. Or read my book.

Second, my Great Adventure. That happened in Bulgaria. Don’t ask how, just read the book. (Yes, I am shamelessly marketing.) Anyway, we ended up in this cute but godforsaken village in the middle of the woods. I’m still not sure if it’s even got a real name. All I know is everything was adorable except for the church in the middle of town where a cabal of ethereal witches would gather in the name of St. Catherine. Go figure. Outside the village, in the woods, was a cute, thatched cottage we stayed in hosted by an elderly couple. Now, I love fairy tales and fables, so I immediately thought Gingerbread Castle. But when the sweet old lady told me I reminded her of chicken cordon blu and admired my pudgy midriff, let’s just say I freaked out.

The most rad thing I discovered in Bulgaria was a huge gym, which we helped renovate, setting off a gang war with a rival gym. Sorry, this wasn’t my intention any more than Dorothy intended to land on the Witch of the East. At that point, I started wishing I was back in good old New Jersey. But, spoiler alert, I knew I would never go back to living in a basement apartment doing the same old, same old. Yes, traveling can change you, especially if you let your imagination fly.

THE BULGARIAN TRAINING MANUAL by Ruth Bonapace

The Bulgarian Training Manual is a comic novel that tells the story of Cristina Acqualina Bontempi (a.k.a. Tina) in her quest to find her true parents and jeans that fit.

With the help of a mysterious book with magical powers, Tina makes her way from her waterlogged apartment in Hoboken, New Jersey, to an Oz-like journey to Bulgaria and back. Our heroine is the catalyst for a final contest that is part body-builder pose-off and part poetry slam.

The novel is a sly look at self-improvement, our self-doubts and fervent dreams, and our endless internal yammering. Those who follow The Bulgarian Training Manual add more than muscle. They become poets.

Women's Fiction | Humor [CLASH Books, On Sale: June 4, 2024, Trade Paperback / e-Book, ISBN: 9781960988102 / eISBN: 9781960988485]