Vanessa Rutledge is trying to adjust to being a young widow
with a new baby who will never get to know the wonderful
man she married. When she lost Matt to the war in Iraq,
Vanessa understood the possibility that losing him was part
of being a military wife. But the reality is such a hard
emotion to get over. Thankfully, Vanessa has her family and
friends in Virgin River to help her cope with the changes,
especially her late husband's best friend, Paul. Without
him she is not sure she would be in the place she finds
herself now; ready to move on. If only she can prove to him
she is not like his sister, but a woman who loves deeply.
Paul Haggerty first saw Vanessa when he and his best friend
met her, but as usual, Matt always got the girl. So Paul
spends most of his time loving her from afar. Now that Matt
is gone, Paul is not sure what to do about his feelings.
Consoling Vanessa after Matt's death and sticking around
for their baby to be born not only brought them closer
together, but his feelings have deepened to the point of
being painful.
Paul has never been a man of many words, let alone being
open about his feelings, so Vanessa has absolutely no idea
his love for her is so strong. Will his dead best friend
forgive him for loving her?
This Virgin River series is utterly fantastic! The books
can stand alone because Robyn Carr never allows you
to lose touch with any of the characters and they are even
more mesmerizing when you can read one after the other.
Five Stars Fabulous!
The community of Virgin River saw Vanessa Rutledge through
her darkest days — now she's looking forward to a bright
future.
In the space of a few months Vanessa buried her husband,
Matt, and gave birth to their son—breaking her heart while
filling it with a whole new kind of love. But the one man
she longs to share this love with now acts as if she
doesn't exist.
Paul Haggerty lives by the marine motto: Semper Fi. Ever
faithful to his best friend, he's done right by Matt's
widow as best he can . . . considering he's been secretly
in love with her for years. Now, just as he's about to make
his move, another woman has staked her claim on him—a claim
that will be tough to escape.
With courage, humility and not a little meddling from the
good folks of Virgin River, Vanni and Paul might just get a
second chance to have the love they both desire and
deserve.
Excerpt
Vanessa Rutledge stood in front of her husband's grave, her
coat pulled tightly around her against the crisp March
breeze, red hair billowing in the wind. "I know this is
going to seem like a strange requestbut I just don't
know who else to ask. Matt, you know I love you, that I'll
always love you, that I see you in your son's eyes every
day. But, darling, I'm going to love again, and I need your
blessing. If I have that, I'd like you to give the man who
is to be my future a little nudge. Let him know it's all
right. Please? Let him know he's so much more than"
"Vanessa!"
Her father was standing out on the deck behind the house
holding the baby away from himself, like he'd just pooped on
his mess dress. It was past time to leave. Little Matt had
been born six weeks ago and this morning they were both
seeing Mel Sheridan for their first checkups since his
birth. Her father, retired general Walt Booth, was acting as
chauffeur so that he could watch the baby while Vanessa had
her exam.
"Coming, Dad!" she called. She looked back at the grave.
"We'll have a real conversation about this later," she told
the headstone. She blew a long kiss in that direction and
hurried down the little hill, past the stable and up to the
house.
The last place Vanessa ever expected to find herself was in
a tiny mountain town of six hundred. When her father chose
this property a couple of years before his retirement from
the Army, she and Matt had taken a look at it. Matt fell in
love with it at once. "When I go," he had said, "plant me on
that little hill, under that tree."
"Stop it!" she had laughed, slapping his arm, neither of
them realizing how prophetic his words would be.
There was a time, years before she met Matt, that Vanni had
envisioned herself as a high-powered news anchor; using her
degree in communications. She decided to take a year before
pursuing an eighty-hour-a-week career path and, on a whim,
went to work as a flight attendant. One year turned into
five because she loved the job, the travel, the people.
She'd still been working for the airline when Matt left for
Iraq. It was her loneliness and advancing pregnancy that had
sent her packing to Virgin River. She had thought it would
be temporaryshe'd have the baby, wait for her
husband's return from war and move on to his next assignment
with him. Instead Matt was brought here, to that little hill
with the tree on it.
She didn't cry as much anymore, though she missed him;
missed the laughter, the long, late-night talks. Missed
having someone hold her, whisper to her.
Walt had the diaper bag slung over his shoulder and was
headed for the car. "Vanessa, you spend too much time
talking to that grave. We should've put him somewhere else.
Out of sight."
"Oh, dear," she said, lifting a curious eyebrow, the corner
of her mouth twitching. "Matt hasn't been complaining that
I'm bothering him, has he?"
"Not funny," he said.
"You worry too much," she told her dad, taking the baby from
him to put him in the car seat. "I'm not brooding. There are
some things no one but Matt should hear. And gee, he's so
handy "
"Vanessa! For God's sake!" He took a breath. "You need
girlfriends."
She laughed at him. "I have plenty of girlfriends." She had
lots of girlfriends from flying days and, even though they
didn't live nearby, they were great about visiting and
staying in touch, giving her every opportunity to talk about
Matt, about grief, then about the baby and recovery. "You'll
be happy to know Nikki's coming up for the weekend," she
said. "A girlfriend."
Walt hefted himself into the driver's seat. "We've been
seeing a lot of Nikki lately. Either she can't stay away
from the new baby or things aren't going so well with her
and that that " Walt couldn't seem to finish.
"She can't stay away from the baby and no, things aren't
going well with Craig. I smell a split coming," Vanessa said.
"I never liked him," Walt said with a grunt.
"No one likes him. He's an ass," Vanni said. Her best
friend, too sweet for her own good, wanted a husband and
children, but instead was stuck with a live-in arrangement
that had gone flat years ago, leaving her almost as alone as
Vanni.
Vanni had other friends besides fellow flight attendants.
She'd begun to grow close to some of the women in
townher midwife, Mel Sheridan; Paige, who worked
alongside her husband in the only bar and grill in town;
Brie, Mel's sister-in-law. Still, there were some things
only Matt would understand.
When you live in a place like Virgin River where the
doctor's office only makes appointments on Wednesdays, it's
a pretty good bet there won't be any waiting around. Sure
enough, Mel was standing in the reception area right inside
the door waiting for them to arrive. Her face lit up in
delight as they walked in and she immediately reached for
the baby. "Ooooh, come heeeere," she sang. "Let me look at
you!" She lifted him as if weighing him. Then she cuddled
him close. "He's looking good, Vanni. Getting nice and fat
on the breast." She looked at Walt. "How's Grandpa doing?"
"Grandpa could use more sleep," Walt grumbled.
Vanessa made a face. "There's no reason in the world he has
to get up. He certainly can't help me nurse the baby."
"I wake up, that's all. And if I'm up and Vanni's up, I
might as well see if she needs anything."
Mel smiled at him. "That's a good grandpa," she said. "He'll
be sleeping through the night before you know it."
"When did David sleep through the night?" Vanni asked of
Mel's one-year-old.
"The first time or the last time?" Mel asked. "You might not
want to ask thatwe have sleeping issues at our house.
And now Jack lets him in the bed with us. Take my advice,
don't start that!"
Vanessa peered at Mel's growing tummy. David had just turned
a year and their second baby was due in May. "I hope you
have a really big bed," she said.
"There will be plenty of room when I kick Jack out of it.
Come onlet's look at Mattie first and take care of his
shots." Mel carried the baby back to the exam room with
Vanessa following behind.
Mel had delivered little Matt right in Vanessa's bedroom and
their bond had grown deep and strong. It didn't take long to
determine the baby was at a good weight and in excellent
health. "I'll take him out to Walt while you get into a
gown, how's that?"
"Thanks," Vanni said.
A few minutes later Mel was back. "Your dad took the baby
over to Jack's for a cup of coffee. And some male bonding, I
suppose."
Vanni had taken her place on the exam table, and Mel checked
her heart, blood pressure, and got her in position for a
pelvic. "Everything looks great. You had a wonderful
delivery, Vanniyou're in excellent shape. And boy, did
you lose weight quickly. Isn't breast-feeding a miracle?"
"I'm not back in my old jeans yet."
"I bet you're close. Go ahead, sit up," Mel said, offering a
hand. "Anything we should talk about?"
"Lots of things. Can I ask you something personal?"
"You can always ask," Mel said while writing in the chart.
"I know that before you married Jack, you were widowed "
Mel stopped writing. She closed the chart and looked at
Vanni with a sympathetic smile. "I've been expecting this
conversation," she said.
"How long was it?" Vanni asked, and Mel knew exactly what
she was referring to.
"I met Jack nine months after my husband's death. I married
him six months later. And if you confer with the town
historian and gossips, you'll learn that I was at least
three months pregnant at the time. Closer to four."
"We have a town historian?"
"About six hundred of them," Mel said with a laugh. "If you
have anything you'd like to keep secret, you should consider
moving to another town."
"Matt's only been dead a few months, but he's been gone
almost a year Mel, he wasn't on a business trip. He
was in combat, out of touch. I talked to him a total of
three times, saw his face once on live video cam. The
letters were short and sparse. It's been a really long time
since"
Mel touched Vanni's knee. "There's no rule of thumb on this,
Vanessa. Everything I've read, and I've read a lot about
widowhood, says that when people enter new relationships
relatively soon after losing a spouse, it indicates they had
happiness in their marriage. Being married was a good
experience for them." She smiled.
"I didn't even know for sure I was pregnant when Matt left
for Iraq last May. I'm not thinking about another marriage,
of course," Vanni said. "But I am thinking aboutWell,
what I'm thinking is that I don't want to be alone forever."
"Of course you shouldn't be alone forever. You have a lot of
life to live."
Vanni smiled. "Should I be thinking about birth control?"
"We can talk about that. You wouldn't want to be as
unprepared as your midwife. Especially with having a baby to
take care of. Believe me." She took a breath and ran a hand
over her big belly. "I wouldn't let myself think
ahead! I remember when my sister said, 'I know widows who
have remarried, and are happy.' I almost took her head off.
I was appalled. I wasn't at all hopeful life could go on."
"It sure went on for you," Vanni said.
"Boy howdy. I came here absolutely determined to live out my
days lonely and miserable, but that damn Jackhe
ambushed me. I think I fell in love with him the minute I
met him, but I fought it. As though I might somehow be
unfaithful to my husband's memory by moving on, which was
absurd. I had the kind of husband who would have wanted me
to have love in my life, and I bet you did, too."
"You don't send a man off to war without talking a few
things throughmy parents taught me that. One of the
first ways Tom and I figured out the general was headed for
a possible deployment was when the paperwork came out.
Wills, trusts, etcetera. Not just in case something happened
to him, but what if he was away in some jungle or desert war
zone and something happened to Mom?" She smiled a bit
wistfully. "Matt didn't dwell on the worst-case scenario,
but he was quick and to the point. He said I wasn't the type
to wallow and he'd be disappointed in me if I did. He had a
few requestswhere he wanted to be buried, what to do
with his favorite personal items, to make sure his parents
got regular visits especially if we had children.
Andif a good man showed his face, I was not to
hesitate." She took a breath. "My requests of him were
almost identical." She straightened. "If I'm lucky enough to
run into another man half as wonderful as Matt, I should be
ready."
"Absolutely. It's not at all impossible, even in little old
Virgin River. Let's get you something reliable while you're
considering all this. You want a pill you can take while
breast-feeding? Can I hook you up with a diaphragm or IUD?
Have you given the options any thought?"
Vanni smiled gratefully. Of course she'd thought about it.
"Yes. IUD please."
"Let's go over the models," Mel said. Then she smiled. "By
the way, you're all cleared for intercourse. Should you
find "
Vanni laughed. "Thanks," she said.
"You have good judgment. Make sure there's a condom
involved. We don't want the transmission of any"
"I have good judgment," Vanni repeated. "And extremely good
taste."
There was a man on Vanessa's mind, he was the
reason she'd found herself imploring Matt for help and
blessings. Matt's best friend; her best friend. Paul.
He spent months in Virgin River, supporting and comforting
her, spending Christmas away from his parents, brothers and
their families. They spent a lot of time talking about Matt;
crying about Matt, lost in hours of sentimental remembering.
Without Paul's strength, she'd never have gotten through the
worst of it. He was her rock.
Her relationship with Paul went back much further, of
course. It wasn't as though they became friends because of
Matt's death. In fact, that night long ago when she met
Matt, it had been Paul across the room who'd first caught
her eye. He was so tall, his legs so long and hands so big,
it was hard for him not to stand out in a crowd. There was
that willful, sandy hair that had to be kept short because
it would defy any kind of styling. Not that Paul was the
kind of man to fuss with his hairit was obvious even
from a distance that he stuck to basics. It was his
masculinity she noticed; he looked like a lumberjack who'd
cleaned up to go into town. He had an engaging smile; one
tooth in front was just a little crooked and he had a dimple
on the left cheek. Heavy brown brows, deep chocolate
eyesdetails she discovered a bit later, of course. She
hadn't even noticed Matt
But it was Matt who put the rush on her, swept her off her
feet, made her laugh, made her blush. While Paul
hung back, shy and silent, Matt charmed her to her very
bones. And shortly after the charm, he made her desire him
madly, love him deeply. He was hardly a consolation
prizehe was one of the best men in the world. And a
devoted husband, so in love with her.
She loved Paul before Matt's death, grew to love him more
deeply afterward. When little Mattie was born, she said to
Paul, "I will never love anyone but Matt." But as the weeks
passed she realized that she didn't have to stop loving Matt
any more than Paul should. Matt would be with them both
forever. And it was like the natural order of things that
Paul should step in now. But there was no indication from
him that he felt anything more than a special friendship.
She had no doubt that Paul loved her, loved little Matt, but
it didn't appear to be the kind of love that could warm her
on cold nights.
She'd called him several times since he'd returned to Grants
Pass; polite and entertaining conversations about the baby,
the town and his friends here, about her dad and brother,
even sometimes about Matt.
"The baby's gained a pound and a half already," she told
him. "He's already changed so much."
"Who does he look like?" Paul asked. "Is his hair still dark
or does he have a patch of fire on his head, like his mom?"