βMaybe you wonβt be away from your family on Christmas,β he
finally replied. βAs you said, thereβs plenty of time.
Twelve days. By then, your father will have relented, and
youβll beββ
βNo,β she cut him off. βNo, he will not relent. Not with
the familyβs reputation at stake.β
At Gilesβs side, she shifted. The nearby branch of candles
cast warm gilt on her face; the moonlight left her skirts
and neatly half-booted feet silvery-cold. βNever mind that.
Itβs all right. If I do not return to London, then I . . .
then I will be somewhere else.β
βNicely reasoned,β Giles said.
One of her feet kicked against his shin in what was surely
not an accident.
βAs it is almost Christmas,β she said in a tone of
frightening cheer, βshall we look for a special star in the
sky?β
βWhat, as though weβre Magi following it?β Giles shook his
head, rocking it upon his folded-up forearms. βSorry,
princess. I wouldnβt know a special star from an ordinary
one.β
βBut would you follow a star? Orβa dream? If you were
permitted to have one?β Her laugh was low and a little
bitter.
Giles considered. βFollowing a star is no wilder than some
of my fatherβs other schemes. Heβs tried making paper not
only from rags, but from wood pulpβwhat a disaster that
was. And remember, we came to England solely because of a
fortune that no one thinks exists anymore except for him.
So if Iβm willing to follow a whim that isnβt even my own,
why shouldnβt I follow a star?β
βBecause you donβt believe in it.β Her voice was low and
soft. βYou wouldnβt follow a star on your own. You wouldnβt
be here on your own.β
Her words sounded like a criticism, echoing within his
hollowness. Thereβs nothing you want. Those dreams are all
borrowed from someone else. You donβt have any of your own.
Maybe he didnβt anymore. Heβd let them go when his wrists
grew painful; the first of many things that would
inevitably slip from his grasp, just as illness had taken
everything from his mother.
But it wasnβt as though heβd done nothing with his life. He
had made himself instead into the familyβs valet, bootboy,
governessβand Richardβs dutiful son, who could manage the
accounts of a paper mill or design a new setting for an
ancient jewel.
βIf,β he answered, βI am willing to come along so a person
of conviction doesnβt have to be alone, isnβt that worth
something?β
βI suppose, if you do so for the sake of providing
company.β
Not if you do it out of mistrust. This remained unsaid. Did
she think it, though? It was such a grimy thought that he
shied from it himself. βIf I canβt tell a special star from
an ordinary one, maybe Iβll treat them all like theyβre
special. Or are we even talking about stars anymore?β
βWe were never talking about stars,β she sighed.
They lay on the woven surface, simply looking at the moon.
Now that he had seen it through the telescope, to Giles it
seemed closer, the shape of a grin tipped sideways. Hanging
just out of reach, as though if he stretched out his hand
he could capture the whole of it. Appearing so much
smoother and brighter from a distance than it did when one
looked at it closely.
Well. A lot of things were like that.
From the corner of his eye, he saw Audrina shiver. βAre you
cold?β he asked.
βI am fine.β
βLiar. Your sleeves are like little puffy flowers. They
canβt possibly be warm, especially when youβre lying on a
library floor.β
He rolled to a seated position and began the tedious
process of easing off his coat. The snug cut made it
difficult to accomplish on his own, but he succeeded by
working one sleeve down over the heel of his hand, then
sitting on sleeve and hand alike to pin them in place as he
eased out of the rest.
Throughout, Audrina watched him from her reclining position
atop the shawl. The set of her mouth was graveβas though
Giles was something to be looked at through a telescope,
considered, then turned away from again.
βHere you go.β He shook the coat out, ready to lay it over
her like a blanket.
But somehow, in reaching over to cover her, he forgot to
draw back again. Somehow his eyes caught hers, dark in the
low golden firelight, and he forgot to do anything at all.
Poised on one elbow, his other arm spanning her body, he
drank her with his eyes, with his breath, with a soft sigh
of wanting.
After a few long seconds during which he couldnβt quite
seem to get himself to move, the solemn line of her mouth
curved into a smile. And then she captured his face between
her palms, pulling it to hers.