Purchase
Southern Cousins
Kensington
October 2009
On Sale: October 1, 2009
304 pages
ISBN: 0758225911
EAN: 9780758225917
Kindle: B003IYI822
Hardcover / e-Book
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Elvis Opinion #1 on Impersonators, the Valentine
Family, and Fried Pigskins
If you ask me, all these impersonators running around
Tupelo in sequined jumpsuits could use remedial voice
lessons. Nobody can hold a candle to the King. That would
be me, though these days I could pass through a crowd
unnoticed if it weren’t for my pink bow tie. I also wanted
to wear my black pompadour to the Elvis Festival, but
Callie (my human mom) said basset hounds look silly in
toupees.
What does she know? Don’t get me wrong. She’s the
best human mom a dog could have, but she can’t even keep
her own life straight, much less mine. If she’d seek my
sage advice, I’d tell her to stop trying to take care of
the world (and that includes picking up stray dogs and cats
as well as loaning money to everybody with a sob story who
walks into her beauty shop). Mostly, though I’d tell her to
stop divorce proceedings.
If any two people belong together, it’s Callie and
Jack (my human daddy). She says they split over his Harley
Screamin’ Eagle, but I know better. They split because she
wants a family and he’s worried about having children and
then getting shot and leaving them fatherless.
Of course, he’s never told Callie the truth because
he’s never even told her about his real profession – and if
I told you, I’d have to kill you. Suffice it to say, Jack
Jones makes Rambo look timid.
Callie and Jack are at an impasse and “All Shook Up.”
At the rate things are going, it looks like I’ll be punted
between them for the next three years. Like a pigskin.
Speaking of which, I think I’ll mosey on over to the
refreshment booth and see what’s cooking. Fried pigskins,
for one thing. Lovie’s in charge. She shares my opinion
that the body ought to be primed with sugar and fat...
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