Iβve been told to go to Hell more times than I can count. But this time Iβm actually going.
My nameβs Bobby Dollar, sometimes known as Doloriel, and of course, Hell isnβt a great place for someone like meβIβm an angel. They donβt like my kind down there, not even the slightly fallen variety. But they have my girlfriend, who happens to be a beautiful demon named Casimira, Countess of Cold Hands. Why does an angel have a demon girlfriend? Well, certainly not because it helps my career.
Sheβs being held hostage by one of the nastiest, most powerful demons in all of the netherworldβEligor, Grand Duke of Hell. He already hates me, and heβd like nothing better than to get his hands on me and rip my immortal soul right out of my borrowed but oh-so-mortal body.
But wait, it gets better! Not only do I have to sneak into Hell, make my way across thousands of miles of terror and suffering to reach Pan- demonium, capital of the fiery depths, but then I have to steal Caz right out from under Eligorβs burning eyes and smuggle her out again, past demon soldiers, hellhounds, and all the murderous creatures imprisoned there for eternity. And even if I somehow manage to escape Hell, Iβm also being stalked by an undead psychopath named Smyler whoβs been following me for weeks. Oh, and did I mention that he canβt be killed?
So if I somehow survive Hell, elude the Grand Duke and all his hideous minions and make it back to the real world, Iβll still be the most hunted soul in Creation. But at least Iβll have Caz. Gotta have something to look forward to, right?
So just pour me that damn drink, will you? Iβve got somewhere to go.
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