I—can't—breathe.
On the brink of her freshman year of high school, Jenna
Wheeler has one thing on her mind -- getting Orlando Bloom
to marry her. Nothing else matters, not volleyball, not her
best friend or even how she's going to handle high school.
The new "Orli" movie is out and Jenna must see it.
Unfortunately, it's Rated R (Orlando is wearing not much
more than a sheet) and there's no way her parents are going
to let her see it. After convincing her best friend,
Jessica, to sneak in with her, Jenna sees her future
husband in all his naked glory. Worried that they'll get
caught, Jessica bolts for the door, and after getting one
last eyeful of her man-candy, Jenna chases after her.
Unfortunately, Jenna's long limbs seem to get in the way as
she takes a tumble down the steps, landing head first into
someone's crotch.
I—can't—breathe.
Will Addison is the new quarterback in town. With dark hair
that curls over his ears, dreamy deep brown eyes and a body
to die for... But aren't these feelings betraying Jenna's
true love, Orlando Bloom? Unfortunately for Will, Jenna's
feelings will have to be put on hold. First, he
accidentally lets it slip to Jessica's mom that they
sneaked into a Rated R movie. Oops. Jenna's mom is furious
and decides the only appropriate punishment is for Jenna to
throw away all of her Orlando posters and even her Orli
pillowcase (with his shirt conveniently missing). Then
Justin, Jenna's brother, has it in for Will as he's the
current star of the varsity football team, and there's no
room for two all-star players. Justin is determined to make
Will's high school experience a living hell (think itching
powder in his jock strap and dirty plays on the football
field).
As the school year starts, Jenna has to learn not to be a
spaz, not to freak out about every little thing and finally
learn how to breathe.
OBSESSING ORLANDO is formulaic to a fault: girl feels
awkward about her body, girl is worried about starting high
school, girl meets cute boy and crushes hard. The secondary
characters aren't interesting enough to make up for the
lack of action with the primary plotline. However, fans of
Louise Rennison or Cathy Hopkins might
connect with an American take on the trials and
tribulations of being a 14-year-old girl.
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