Excerpt of Thunderstruck by Maria Riegger

“Maybe I’ll call it a night —” Monica began, then grew frustrated at Brian’s excruciating pace.

Turning toward him, she barked “why in the name of God are you walking like that?!”       

Brian hobbled along in a wide-leg position.

“Have you been horseback riding?” she asked.

“Yes, during my spare few minutes a day, I ride a horse through the city. Jesus —”    

“Damn, you’re pissy.”

“It hurts.”

“What hurts? Men are such wimps.”

“You don’t understand. I went biking yesterday.”

“You’re right, I don’t understand,” Monica deadpanned, turning and continuing to walk. 

“And I didn’t have the right shorts.”

“What, they weren’t hipster enough? Not the right color?”

Brian chuckled. “No! I mean—slow down! You’re walking too fast.”

Monica stopped and turned, looking at him. “Okay, what’s your problem?”

“I didn’t have the right shorts for biking. And I didn’t have any lotion —”

“TMI,” Monica said, holding up a hand.

“You don’t get it. I have a —” Brian gestured his hands toward his general groin area. “I have a scorched earth situation.”

Monica looked down at his legs, then back at his face, understanding, and erupted into laughter, doubling over. “Scorched earth! Oh, my God!”

“Well, I’m delighted that you find it so amusing.”