Hi. In your hands, right now, you hold the culmination of
thousands of years of human intelligence, ingenuity, and
brilliance. Now put your goddamn phone down and pay
attention to my book.
What is in my book, you ask?
(I'm really glad you asked, by the way, because now I get to
tell you.)
Time travel. Gay marriage. Sportsballing.
Futuristic goggles that DO NOTHING.
Tiny brags from
my publisher, stuff like: "This is an uproarious, uncensored
take on empathy, personal responsibility, and what it means
to be human."
Excessive brags about myself: "An
extraordinarily clever, punishingly funny, sharp-tongued
blogosphere star, NFL player, husband and father, one-time
violin prodigy, voracious lifetime reader, obsessive gamer,
and fearless champion of personal freedom."
Oh, and
also an essay on the Pope's Twitter account. Honestly, if
that doesn't draw you in, there's no hope left for humanity.
I also give my own funeral eulogy, in case you were hoping
I'd go away and die now!
So please, join me in the
glorious art of windmill tilting by reading this "collection
of rousing, uncensored personal essays, letters, and
stories" (I have no idea why that's in quotes).
Join
the herd of Beautifully Unique
Sparkleponies.
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