Avon
Featuring: Victor Argeneau; Elvi Black
384 pages ISBN: 0061229687 EAN: 9780061229688 Kindle: B000UZNR9G Mass Market Paperback / e-Book Add to Wish List
Elvi Black was accidentally turned into a vampire on a trip to Mexico a few years ago. Ever since that time, she's been sleeping in a coffin, wearing long black clingy gowns, only going out at night and existing on blood alone. She has friends in her town -- very good friends -- such good friends that they've advertised for a male vampire for her, so she won't be alone when they die -- they're all in their 60s, but she's the only one who looks 25. However, drawing attention to yourself is against the law -- vampire law, that is. So here comes Victor Argeneau, an enforcer for the vampire council posing as a match to her ad and to investigate the rumors of a female vampire making the rounds of the clubs. When Victor gets there, he discovers he's not the only "match" who's shown up. He also learns very quickly that Elvi is his lifemate.
Only when the male vampires show up does Elvi learn what her friends have done. She's embarrassed, but decides to go along with it since they've done it out of love. But geez, did all the males have to be so good-looking and rich? And that Victor -- wow! He can share her coffin anytime. But then she learns she doesn't have to sleep in a coffin. And she can eat. And go out in the daylight if she's careful -- all the things she's denied herself for five long years. Well, needless to say, Elvi is thrilled. I mean, come on... cheesecake! She's definitely falling for Victor, who's cheesecake of a different kind, you might say. Then someone starts trying to kill her, and all the visiting males set out to keep her safe while attempting to discover the identity of the culprit.
THE ACCIDENTAL VAMPIRE is a hoot! Elvi is sweet, tough, loving and clueless. Victor is tough, scary, hard-as-nails... and in love. This latest addition to the Argeneau series has a great small town setting with a lovable heroine and a hero to die for. The entire Argeneau series has been fantastic, and this just makes it better. This is the first in a three-book consecutive month release event, and I can't wait for the next two, VAMPIRES ARE FOREVER (1/29/08) and VAMPIRE, INTERRUPTED (2/26/08). Ms. Sands, you have another winner on your hands. A very good read.
Ever since an accident turned her into a knockout
vamp, Elvi Black's been catching her z's in a coffin,
staying out of the sun, and giving up garlic. She knows
there's more to being undead than what she saw in
Dracula, but she can't very well ask her mortal
friends about proper biting etiquette. But when her
neighbors placed a personal ad for her in the local paper,
she never imagined she'd meet Victor Argeneau, a vampire
who could have his pick of any woman-dead or alive.
Rich, powerful, and dropโdead gorgeous, Victor's the
perfect man for a novice neckโbiter like Elvi. He's
willing to teach her everything he knows, but he'll have
to do it fast. Someone's out to put a stake through her
new vamp life, and only Victor can keep her safe-and
satisfied-for all eternity.
EXCERPT
Chapter One
It was a high-pitched scream that woke Elvi. Piercing and
full of terror, it ripped her from sleep and had her moving
before she was quite awake. She started up abruptly only to
curse and drop back down when her head slammed into the
wooden lid of the coffin.
Groaning at the pain vibrating through her skull, Elvi
closed her eyes against the stars dancing before them and
pressed a hand against her forehead. Sheโd really cracked
herself good and would have liked to clasp her head in both
hands and roll around in agony for a moment, but the casket
wouldnโt allow it, and then a second terrified shriek
reminded her of why she was awake.
Concern clutching at her, she reached out with the hand not
holding her head and gave the coffin lid a shove that sent
it flying open. She then had to release her head to get up.
Climbing out of a coffin was a two handed job, and
ridiculously strenuous first thing in the morning.
Especially before her first bag of blood.
Elvi cursed her way out of the contraption, her bare feet
slapping to the hardwood floor, then hurried out of her
room without even bothering to grab a robe to cover the
white cotton nightgown she wore. Another scream cut the air
as she raced up the hall. A fourth was being issued as she
burst into Mabelโs room. Elvi slammed the door open,
uncaring that it crashed into the wall and probably left a
lovely hole, her only concern was her housemateโs wellbeing.
She spotted the woman at once, standing on the bed in her
robe, backed against the wall, silver hair a chaotic mass
around her head and eyes wide with panic. The woman was
waving a body brush wildly in the air at a bat that was
swooping just as wildly around the room near the ceiling.
She was also, apparently, screeching every time the winged
animal came anywhere near her Elvi saw as the bat swerved
to avoid hitting the far wall and swooped back toward
Mabel, setting off another shriek of terror.
Veering to the side to avoid the waving shower brush, the
bat swept through the open bathroom door and briefly out of
sight.
Elvi rushed over in time to see the bat make a sharp turn
as it neared the far wall of the bathroom. Realizing that
it was headed back toward the doorway, she slammed the door
closed, trapping it inside.
โOh!โ Mabel collapsed on the bed, hugging the shower brush
to her chest. โOh, thank God.โ
Elvi propped her hands on her hips and scowled at the
woman. โYou opened your windows last night.โ
Mabel sighed at the accusation in her voice. โI had to open
the windows. It was hot, Elvi.โ
โI know it was hot, Mabel. I live here too.โ
โBut your windows have screens on them. The bedroom ones,
at least.โ
โI sleep in a coffin,โ she pointed out in dry tones. โThere
are no windows in a coffin. Trust me, I know it was hot.
But you canโt open your windows until the replacement
screens are in.โ
โWell, when the hell are they going to put them in
already?โ Mabel asked impatiently. โItโs been two weeks
now.โ
โThey had to be specially made and shipped from the
manufacturer,โ Elvi reminded her.
โYes, because every damned window in this place is a
different size,โ Mabel muttered.
Elviโs mouth quirked with amusement at her
disgust. โWelcome to the world of Victorian houses. Ainโt
it great?โ
โHa!โ Mabel snarled, and then sat up with alarm when Elvi
moved toward the door to the hall. โHey! Where are you
going?โ
โBack to my coffin.โ
โBut what about the bat?โ She asked with dismay, scrambling
off the bed as quickly as her sixty-two year old body would
allow and hurrying after her.
โWhat about it?โ she asked, continuing up the hall
โWell, arenโt you going to get it out of my bathroom?โ
โDo I look stupid to you?โ Elvi asked with disbelief. โIโm
not going near that thing. Call Animal control.โ
โAnimal Control? They wonโt be open now.โ
โThey must have someone on call for emergencies. Call and
find out,โ Elvi said firmly over her shoulder.
โBut that could take hours,โ Mabel protested. โCanโt you
just get it out? I mean, you should have some sort of
affinity with it.โ
Elvi paused at the door to her own room and turned on her
in amazement. โDo I look like a flying rat to you?โ
โNo, of course not,โ Mabel said quickly, then added, โBut
youโre a vampire and itโs a batโฆThere should be some
empathy or understanding orโฆsomething. Maybe if you tried
you could talk to it.โ
โRight, by that reasoning we should all be able to talk to
monkeys. Letโs try that the next time weโre near a zoo,โ
Elvi snorted, then repeated, โCall Animal Control.โ
โElvi!โ Mabel cried and stomped her foot when she turned to
continue on into her room. โI canโt take a shower with that
thing in there.โ
โMabel, there are six bathrooms in this house with showers
and tubs. Use one of the others.โ
โBut-โ
Elvi closed the door on her further protest and moved
toward the coffin, but paused when her eye caught the time
on the digital clock on her dresser. Whipping back around,
she yanked her door open and scowled at Mabelโs retreating
back. โItโs nine oโclock!โ
โSo?โ Mabel sounded miffed and kept walking.
โSo why didnโt you wake me up at eight oโclock like I
asked?โ
โBecause you havenโt been sleeping well, and youโre
exhausted, and I decided to let you sleep inโฆ.rather kindly
in my opinion, but then Iโm a kind considerate personโฆ
unlike some people who wonโt even try to talk to a bat for
a dear faithful friend.โ
Elvi scowled over the attempt to put her on a guilt trip,
and then ground out, โMabel, its Owenโs birthday today. I
have to make a cake and see to the decorations, andโโ
Heaving out a long suffering sigh, Mabel paused and turned
to face her. โI saw to the decorating earlier and then came
home for a shower for the festivities. I was going to wake
you after Iโd showered. As for the cakeโฆโ She
shrugged. โYou can bake it, theyโll wait. The party canโt
start without you.โ
When Elvi just stood glaring at her, she waved her
away. โGo on. Go take your shower. Iโll get dressed and
then come help you get ready since I canโt shower.โ
โCall animal control,โ Elvi growled, refusing to feel
guilty, then slammed her door shut.
***
โI just canโt believe it. An immortal advertising in the
singleโs columns! Unbelievable.โ
The glance Victor cast DJ was more than tinged with
irritation. If the younger immortal hadnโt been driving the
BMW they were both in, he would have cuffed him in the
head. As it was, all he could do was mutter, โI gathered
that the first time you said it, DJโฆwhich was two hours and
over a hundred repeats ago. I get it. Stop saying it.โ
โSorry, butโฆโ D.J Benoit shook his head, sending his
shoulder length, sandy colored hair flying as he
repeated, โI just canโt believe it.โ
Rolling his eyes, Victor turned to peer out the tinted car
window at the passing night. They were on the highway on
the last leg of a two and a half hour journey and DJ was
speeding, flying past the bright lights of vehicle after
vehicle, leaving them behind with little concern for
getting a ticket. Victor didn't protest or criticize. Time
obviously still held the younger man in its thrall, making
him impatient and eager to get the journey over with. Given
more time, DJ would realize there was no need to rush; time
was not an adversary to be beaten by their kind.
โI mean, a singleโs ad,โ DJ said, drawing his attention
again. โWhat was she hoping to gain from it?โ
"Presumably, a lifemate,โ Victor said dryly.
"You canโt find a lifemate like that,โ DJ protested at
once, then added uncertainly, โCan you?โ
Victor shrugged. "Stranger things have happened."
"Yeah, butโฆSurely she must have realized sheโd draw the ire
of the council. Advertising for Godโs sake! Thatโs a major
faux pas. Weโre not supposed to draw attention to our
people."
"Hmmm.โ Victor grunted. "Our best hope is that any mortals
who saw it will think itโs a joke or that the ad was
purchased by some unfortunate soul with a twisted mind."
"A Whackjob," DJ muttered, and then nodded firmly. โThatโs
probably what she is too. She has to be. I mean, come on.
None of our kind would be this stupid."
Victor refrained from pointing out that the man had
believed it just moments ago and spent the last two hours
bemoaning the fact that one of their kind had advertised in
the newspaper. He simply let him change his tune as he
liked. For himself, Victor's mind wasnโt made up. He was
content to leave the decision until he met the woman.
โWhat do you think?โ
"About what?โ Victor asked.
โIs she for real?โ DJ asked, apparently still on the fence
about what they were dealing with here.
โHow would I know?โ He asked with irritation. โI donโt know
a thing about her. Youโre the one who answered the ad and
has been sending letters to her for the last three weeks.โ
โE-mails, not letters,โ DJ corrected. โWe really have to
drag you into the twenty-first century, Argeneau. If youโd
had a computer and knew how to use it, you could have done
the e-mailing rather than have me do it.โ
โWhich is precisely why I donโt intend to get one,โ Victor
announced pointedly, and then said, โSo, as you are the one
who corresponded with her, you tell me. What do you think?
Are we on a wild goose chase? Will we find a wannabe Goth
baby playing at being a vamp?โ
DJ frowned as he considered the matter, โIโm not sure. We
exchanged a dozen or so e-mails, but I didnโt really learn
a thing about the woman. She was irritatingly evasive about
everything.โ He scowled at the road and then added, โIn
fact, our e-mails were mostly so she could ask questions
herself. She seemed most concerned with verifying that you
truly are what you claim to be.โ
โAbout you and what you claimed to be,โ Victor corrected,
thinking it a verbal slip. โI havenโt even read the e-
mails.โ
โNo, but I was answering them in your name and so gave her
answers about you.โ
โWhat?โ Victor asked with dismay.
โWell,โ DJ grimaced. โYou said to answer the ad and try to
get her interest so we could find out more about her.
Youโre more interesting than me.โ
โHow do you figure that?โ he asked with amazement.
โYouโre rich,โ DJ answered promptly. โAnd the brother of
the most powerful immortal on this continent, not to
mention a member of one of the oldest families. Chicks go
in for that sort of thing. Money, powerโฆIt doesnโt hurt
that youโre good looking either.โ
โShe could hardly have any idea what I look like,โ Victor
pointed out with a scowl.
โI e-mailed her a picture,โ DJ announced. When Victor
turned on him, he said defensively, โWell, she asked for
one. So, I sent her the only one I had. The one of you and
Lucian at Lissiannaโs wedding. Of course,โ he added,
casting Victorโs shoulder length, dark hair, and black
jeans and t-shirt a glance. โYour hair was much shorter
then and you were in a suit. You donโt look much like that
now.โ
Victor glowered, and then forced himself to relax back in
the passenger seat. โAnd what did you receive in return for
this picture and information about my bloodlines?โ
DJ made a face. โNot as much as Iโd hoped. A brief synopsis
of her life and a photo.โ
Removing one hand from the steering wheel, he reached
blindly into the back seat and picked up a file heโd set
there when they got in the car. He handed it to
Victor. โItโs in there on one of the e-mails.โ
Victor opened the file and began to leaf through the papers
as DJ recounted what heโd learned.
โSheโs a widow, and part owner in a Mexican restaurant as
well as a bed and breakfast with a friend. I canโt remember
the friendโs name. Both businesses are in Port Henry. Sheโs
lived there her whole life.โ
Victor grunted at this rundown as he found the picture. It
showed a beautiful woman with long dark hair, large dark
eyes and full red lips. The name on the back said Elvi.
Victor slid the photo back in the file after the briefest
look. She was a beautiful woman, but beauty rarely affected
him. Heโd seen much of it over his lifetime, enough that it
no longer impressed him. It was his experience that beauty
was the best way to distract one from, and/or hide, an
unbearable ugliness. The devil surely wouldn't show up to
tempt covered in warts and slime. Heโd present a pleasing
faรงade.
โSo?โ DJ queried when Victor set the file back on the back
seat. โWhat do you think?โ
โI think I canโt tell anything from a picture and that
little bit of information you managed to get,โ Victor said,
then spotted the sign for the off ramp they wanted, and
added, โBut weโll find out soon enough.โ
DJ made a โtskโ of disgust as he slowed for the ramp. โThis
is probably all a huge waste of time."
Victor shrugged. โEven so, it still has to be checked out."
โRight,โ DJ said on an exhalation, and then cheered. โOn
the bright side, if she turns out to be a whacko wannabe,
we can get in the car and head straight back to Toronto.
Weโd be there by midnight, easy.โ
Victor smiled faintly, but didnโt comment as he watched the
rural road theyโd exited onto slowly morph into an urban
area with first farmhouses and barns appearing out of the
darkness, then houses. The buildings gradually grew closer
together, becoming a downtown street. These quickly gave
way to businesses; a gas station, the requisite doughnut
shop, secondhand stores and banks.
"Weโre meeting her at her restaurant?โ Victor asked
glancing over the signs on the storefronts they were
passing.
โYes. Bella Blackโs,โ DJ said. โItโs supposed to be on the
main street. She said it was on the left, halfway between
the second and third set of lights.โ
"This is the second set of lights,โ Victor pointed out as
they stopped at the red light. They both glanced along the
road, reading the store fronts.
"Bella Blackโs,โ DJ said aloud even as Victor spotted the
building in question. This was obviously one of the older
towns in Ontario. Most of the storefronts on the street
were Victorian in design. Bella Black's was no exception,
but the sign was large and colorful and the large front
window had a mural painted on it of a sleek green iguana
amidst a bower of flowers.
Victor contemplated the odd choice of design, and then
turned his gaze back to the road as a car finished
reversing into the very last available parking spot. A
couple got out and crossed to the restaurant.
The light changed then and DJ eased the car forward,
passing Bella Blackโs as the couple reached the entrance
and pulled the door open. They were treated to a brief view
of light and color and milling people, then the door closed
behind the couple, leaving the street silent once more.
โBusy,โ DJ commented. โIt looks like every car parked on
this road could belong to just the clients of the
restaurant."
โHmm,โ Victor grunted. โTry the side street.โ
They found a spot on the side street and Victor quickly got
out. He took the opportunity to stretch his arms and legs,
relieved to be out of the car. Somewhat claustrophobic,
heโd always felt trapped inside enclosed vehicles. Victor
actually preferred motorcycles, but this was business not
pleasure and needs must.
โSo,โ DJ commented as he joined Victor on the sidewalk. "I
guess it doesnโt matter that you donโt much look like your
photo anymore. Sheโll no doubt know you by the very fact
that she doesnโt know you.โ
Victor scowled with confusion. He hated feeling stupid so
allowed his testiness to show. โWhat the hell are you on
about?โ
DJ shrugged. โWell, there areโฆwhat? Five hundred people in
this town? She probably knows everyone who lives here.
Weโll stand out like sore thumbs.โ
โRight,โ Victor snapped, moving a little more quickly as he
approached the door. He just wanted to get this over with
and find out if the woman was an immortal or not. If she
wasnโt, they could leave and head home. However, if she wasโฆ
Victorโs mouth tightened.
If Elvi Black was an immortal, he had to find out all he
could about her and take her back to the council for
judgment. As DJ had said, drawing attention to herself with
this ad was considered a major faux pas. He had to find out
what other faux pas she was committing. Judging by the fact
that there were also certain rumors circulating around the
Toronto club scene that a female vampire was living in one
of the small southern towns, advertising wasn't her only
mistake.
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