Excerpt of Waking Amy by Julieann Dove

I opened the door and got out before he could say anything.
I waved goodbye and got in my car and drove off. I tried to
put a blanket on the thoughts of him with his lips and hands
on my body. To suffocate the fire within me. How it felt to
be desired. To have someone want to know if I wore lotion or
gargled mouthwash. Then I threw a blanket on the thought of
walking to my dark front door. I tried, instead, to think of
what was in my kitchen to eat. A stale bag of rice cakes, a
frozen PF Chang's steak-and-pepper entrée, trail mix, and
frozen waffles. I had just bought another box for Wesley. He
ate two every morning before work.

I pulled up to my house and took my keys from the ignition.
Holding my house key firmly, I began to speed-walk to the
front door, leaving my packages in the car for daylight
retrieval. If someone tried to grab me, I'd jab them in the
throat. Half-way up the sidewalk, I spotted Mark parked
along the street watching me. His parking lights were on.
Pounds of anxiety evaporated from me into thin air. I slowed
my gait and smiled at him. A smile that transcended the need
for words. I was safe.

The house was pitch black, like a monster house in a scary
movie. The darkness had cloaked it into something fearful.
Not the charming little three-bedroom cottage with blue
siding and white flower boxes on the oversized windows. No,
even the man on the moon was hidden by heavy clouds,
threatening rain. Creepy cricket noises peppered the small
front patch of grass. I moved slightly, to have the
streetlight reflect on my lock. As soon as I twisted it
open, Mark appeared and grabbed the handle, stepping me
inside. Pushing me up against the wall, he placed one hand
on the nape of my neck. The other one grabbed me at the
small of my back, pulling my hips closer to him.

My purse dropped to the floor as my lips parted, waiting for
his tongue to enter my mouth again. Riots were breaking out
inside me. Unleashed passion that I never knew lived inside
me was sprinting back and forth inside my chest. His fervor
incapacitated me. I fell shapeless within his strong arms.
His lips moved over mine, sucking and teasing my lips until
he tasted me completely. I heard myself express a small moan.
He quickly pushed himself off me and held me by the arms,
locking distance between himself and me. Dim light from the
outside street shone on his face. His chest heaved up and
down. His eyes rushed back and forth, as they looked at me.
I suppose he wanted me to say something. What could I say? I
was still working on controlling my own rapid breaths.

“The whole way over here, I imagined doing that again. I had
no right. You're someone's wife—my patient's wife. The guy
that's too stupid to know what he's got. And you have no
clue how you've ruined me with your simple beauty and
innocence. Amy, you don't even try and you render me a
faithful man. Only in my dreams and only with you.”

He walked off the porch and disappeared into the darkness.
Disheveled and panting, I watched as his headlights drove
off. Suddenly, I awoke. For years, I had been asleep. Living
day after day in a coma of my own. Suffering from the
repetition of running on a gerbil wheel. Never feeling much
more than that I was sharing a house with a man I had
conjugal visits with once a month.

But now … I never felt more alive.