Excerpt of The Syrian Virgin by Zack Love

"What's this?" he asked, his face a bit concerned, as his index finger traced the scar that had been hidden by my panties.

"That was from Syria," I answered timidly, suddenly feeling more exposed. "I don't want to… Can we not talk about it? I'm… I'm still not ready."

"I'm sorry," he said gently, moving his hand away from that area.

"No, don't worry about it – it's just something that I'm… that I'm still dealing with."

"I totally understand. We don't have to get any more naked than this," he reassured me with kindness in his eyes. "I just got a little carried away, I think."

He reached for a shirt nearby, and he suddenly felt farther away.

"No, but I want to. I want to do this with you," I replied, as if this were suddenly the last chance.

"Oh, believe me, I want to do this with you even more," he said gently, as he put his shirt back on.

I covered myself with a nearby sheet. "But…?" I asked, waiting to hear the explanation.

"But I'm not sure it's a good idea. At least not right now."

"Because I'm a virgin?" My throat tightened a little in dread, but I had to know the truth.

"Well, that's certainly a big part of it," he admitted, getting a bit closer and sitting next to me. He genuinely searched my eyes in preparation for a frank chat.

"I had a feeling this was going to be an issue eventually," I replied, looking away with a twinge of embarrassment and disappointment.

"Well, don't feel bad about it," he reassured me, putting his hand on my shoulder. "There's nothing to be ashamed of here."

"No, I know. I'm actually kind of proud of it, in a funny way."

"And you should be," Michael affirmed.

"But in one respect, I sort of wish I had done it already."

"Why?"

"So that it wouldn't be such a big deal for us to do it."

"Well, that's OK. There's no rush here," he noted, caressing my shoulder gently.

"I know. But sometimes it seems like such a big deal that it will never actually happen," I confessed with a self- deprecating snicker.

"It'll happen when the time is right," he said, running his fingers gently through my hair.

"But it seems like such a major step – especially because of our culture – that I'll always wonder whether the time is right."

"Well, it is a major step. And that's why we should both be really ready and confident that this is right for both of us and that we're going to end up together."

The blanket was still covering me, but I couldn't help crossing my arms over my chest. "I guess."

"If anything, the fact that I'm not rushing to bed you now should reassure you that I actually care about you. And if I'm going to be your first, then I want us to make love when we're both truly ready – and not just when we're feeling passionately explosive."

"Right."

"And I also don't want us to have sex for the very first time, just before I'm leaving on a dangerous trip to Syria. If I am the one who takes your virginity, then you deserve to be sure that you're actually going to see me again."

"What do you mean?" I asked, sitting up in alarm. "What are you saying?"

Michael cupped my cheek. "Inas, I'm flying to Syria tomorrow, and I – "

"What do you mean? How long have you known this?"

"I got a call this morning," he admitted, dropping his hand and turning his gaze away from mine. "Things are very bad and I'm needed on the ground there. And I have to bring my people there some things."

Whatever pain I thought was tightening my chest until that moment suddenly felt like it was strangling me. "What do you mean?"

"I'm bringing some of the local activists some cash, about ten small tablets with data plans, some solar chargers for areas without electricity, and some other things to facilitate communications with the local community leaders and activists."

"Why now?" I asked, tilting his chin so that he would have to look me in the eye when he explained. "Didn't you tell me last week that you're supposed to defend your dissertation in about a month?"

"Yes, but the situation keeps getting worse and I need to do what I can…"

As I looked at the smoldering warrior-leader in front of me, I marveled in awe at the risks that he was taking, and the sacrifices he was making to help people to whom he wasn't even related.