With the phone clutched in one hand and a mechanical
pencil in the other, I stared at the sequence of numbers
I'd just scribbled on an already crowded notepad. "This
all looks to be in order, except for one thing. You say I
have another checking account, at a bank in Kansas, with a
balance of over two hundred thousand bucks."
The nice lady at the mortgage company was getting less
nice by the second. "It's right here, on your report.
Whitney Pearl, home address in Midland, Texas. You opened
the account two weeks ago."
"I've been in Washington, D.C., the past two weeks. How
could I open an account in Kansas?" Why would I open an
account in Kansas? I don't even know anybody in Kansas.
"You can open an account on the Internet, or by mail."
"There must be a mistake. They got the wrong social
security number."
"Could be, but I doubt it. I suggest you get this
resolved. Anything not nailed down can be cause for the
application to be rejected."
Wondering why I'd been stupid enough to buy a house while
I was on a consulting job over two thousand miles away
from home, I told her I'd let her know, then hung up and
dialed the Kansas bank. I got Shirley, in new accounts.
Not sure, but based on the sound of her voice, I think
Shirley started smoking at age twelve. I explained the
situation, then listened while she pecked at the computer.
"Got it right here. Whitney Ann Pearl. Midland, Texas."
She asked for my social security number, verified it, then
rattled off some other bona fides.
"How was the account opened?"
"Through the Internet." She pecked some more. "Hang on and
let me pull the signature card."
I stared out my sixth-floor window of the Mills Building
and watched the guards atop the White House, one block
away. It had become a favorite pastime, ever since I
started the engagement with CERF, the Chinese Earthquake
Relief Fund. Thus far, I'd resisted buying a set of
binoculars. Still, the tall one who worked the seven-to-
three shift looked mighty fine, even from a block away.
"Here we are," Shirley said. "Whitney A. Pearl."
"And the balance is over two hundred thousand dollars?"
She pecked some more and I wondered what I was gonna have
to do to get this straightened out.
"It's $200,396.l4. There have been twelve deposits since
opening, and four withdrawals."
I'm a CPA. I know how these things work. Shirley was at a
computer in a Kansas bank lobby, and there was no way she
could give me any more information. "Thank you for your
help," I said as graciously as possible, in spite of being
seriously annoyed. After all, it wasn't Shirley's
fault. "I wonder if I could speak to someone in
bookkeeping?"
"Hold, please."
I watched the guards while listening to an elevator music
version of Aerosmith's "Dream On." That was painful.
Eventually, a woman named Courtney picked up. I asked for
copies of the deposits, along with information about the
withdrawals, and was pleasantly surprised when she said
she'd fax me the information. Hmm. Maybe I really would
open a bank account in Kansas. My bank in Midland would
laugh me off the planet before they'd send me diddly squat.
Within thirty minutes, I had the copies.
And nearly had a heart attack.
Almost five hundred thousand dollars, and every single
check came from CERF, the organization that had contracted
me to act as accounting watchdog to ensure nobody stuck
their fingers in the enormous amount of money the good
people of the world donated to help the victims of the
recent earthquake in China. I stared at the deposits in
shock and total confusion. How had all that money ended up
in a bank account with my name on it? Me, the CPA in
charge of keeping an eye on the dough.
The checks were written to China Pearl, a Chinese company
that manufactures generators and fuel pumps and other
large equipment. I knew China Pearl was legitimate because
I'd checked it out myself. Part of my job was to verify
that invoices weren't paid to phony companies.
The checks to China Pearl that were deposited into the
Kansas bank account were endorsed "for deposit only" to
the account number. China Pearl. Not so far from Whitney
Pearl. My nickname is Pink and I occasionally get a check
made out to Pink Pearl, which I deposit into my account
named Whitney Pearl without any questions asked. Get that
last name right and the tellers never blink.
I stared at those deposits and wanted to hurl. Somebody
had opened an account in my name, then deposited the China
Pearl checks into it.
Reaching for the withdrawal copies, I saw that all four of
them were transfers into the account of Valikov Interiors.
Bells started ringing and, honest to God, my skin crawled
so bad it's a wonder I didn't become an instant skeleton.
I grabbed the phone and called my mother's cell, praying
she was still in the airport, that she hadn't boarded the
plane yet. She had a one o'clock flight to Washington, on
her way to accompany me to a birthday dinner for Steve
Santorelli, a senator from California who's a good friend
of mine.
She answered on the fourth ring, breathless. "It doesn't
matter what else you forgot, Pink. I don't have time to
get it. They're boarding the plane."
"Just answer me a question. Yesterday, when you went over
to my apartment to get my wool coat, remember the package
you found on the doorstep that had an antique Chinese
spider cage inside?"
"If you want me to go get it โ"
"No. I just wondered if you remember where it came from."
"I thought you decided it was a gift from Santorelli."
"He told me this morning that it wasn't, so I assumed it
was just a mistake. Now I'm pretty sure it's not a
mistake. But I have to know who shipped it."
Mom was quiet for a moment and I could hear the airport
lady on the loudspeaker, calling the remaining
passengers. "The company was in San Francisco, and the
name was something Russian, like Vladivostok. "
"Was it Valikov?"
"Yes, that's it. What's this about, Pink?" Her Mom radar
was kicking into gear, and I didn't want to alarm her, so
I said easily, "I was telling someone about it and they
were curious who sells antique Chinese spider cages."
"I'm about to miss the plane for this? Seriously?"
"Okay, so I have a reason. I'll tell you all about it when
you get here."
"No way. I'll call you from my layover in Dallas."
She ended the call and I slowly replaced the receiver, my
gaze frozen on those withdrawals. More than three hundred
grand had been transferred out of an account with my name
on it to the account of Valikov Interiors. And I'd
received a package from Valikov.
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