From the keyboard of Jared Stone to his wingmen.. or was
that the entire female population?
My Manifesto on Women
Having dated and worked with a cross-section of women from
around the globe, and having reached the age where I feel
I
can make a definitive opinion on the subject matter, I
have
come to a conclusion. Women lie.
They say they want to be equals in the boardroom, when in
reality nothing has changed over the past fifty years.
Despite all their pleas to the contrary, despite their
outrage at the limits the 'so called' glass ceiling puts
on
them, they don't really want to be hammering out a deal,
and they don't want to be orchestrating a merger. They
want
to be home in the house we provide, living the lifestyle
to
which they've become accustomed. They want a man who will
take care of them, who gives them a hot night between the
sheets and diamond jewellery at appropriate intervals. Who
will prevent them from drifting aimlessly through life
without a compass...
So without further ado, in an attempt to do a favour to
the
male population, here are my Rules on Women:
Rule #1 - All women are crazy. And by that I mean they
think in a completely foreign way from us that might as
well come from another planet. You need to find the least
crazy one you can live with. If you elect to settle down,
which I'm not advocating, mind you.
Rule #2 - Every woman wants a ring on her finger and the
white picket fence. No matter what she says. Not a bad
thing for the state of the nuclear family or for you if
you're already on that trajectory. But for God's sake know
what you're getting yourself into.
Rule #3 - Every woman wants a lion in the bedroom. She
wants to be dominated. She wants you to be in complete
control. She doesn't want you to listen to her 'needs'. So
stop making that mistake. Be a man.
Rule #4 - Every woman starts the day with an agenda. A
cause, an item to strike off her list, the inescapable
conclusion of a campaign she's been running. It could be a
diamond ring, more of your time, your acknowledgement that
you will indeed agree to meet her mother... Whatever it
is,
take it from me, just say yes or say goodbye. And know
that
saying goodbye might be a whole hell of a lot cheaper in
the long run.
And the rules don't stop there...
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