Excerpt of Big Flirt by Ava Catori

“Let me be brutally honest, he was an absolute douche.” Lola
vented into the phone. “There are
special places in Hell for men like him.” It was true, she
was certain of it. There had to be. That
man…there were no words.

“Sorry you had such a rough day,” Amy said, offering what
little condolence she could. She was
hardly new to the stories. Lola had a boss from hell. She
was thankful she didn’t have to put up
with the nonsense her friend went through. No thank you.

“Power hungry beast,” she grunted. “Anyway, how was your
day? Want to grab something to eat
this weekend, maybe hit Spice?” The weekends never held too
much excitement, but she could
always count on Amy to liven things up.

“My day…” Amy paused to exaggerate, “was interesting.” Her
voice went up an octave. “I may
have a date. I don’t want to make plans yet. I think he’s
working up the courage to ask me out
for the weekend.” He better be working up the courage. She’d
waited long enough and patience
wasn’t her strong point.

“Fine, I’ll just be the lonely, pathetic old woman at the
bar without you. You know, the forty-
something year old, trying desperately to fit in with the
younger kids. The kids who still fit into
skinny jeans; the ones who make me look like their
chaperone.” She never felt old until she was
dating again. Well, trying to date. “There has to be
somewhere the older crowd hangs out. It’s
like Spice for the under thirty set and Bucky’s for the over
sixty set. Where’s my age bracket?”

It’s like forty and fifty year old people were hiding out in
some secret cave, unable to come out
and play.

“Nobody has time to go out. Responsibility is a bitch,” Amy
responded.

“Maybe I should try one of those online dating sites,” Lola
started. “Who knows, maybe that’s
where the fishing pond for the middle aged people is.” She
sighed. It sounded like too much
work. “Eh, I’ll just go hang at Spice and watch the younger
kids hook up. It’s not as much fun
alone. I can’t be catty without you.” Well, she could, but
it was more fun to be snarky with her
pal, picking out who would be drunk by her second drink, who
would hook up with who in the
bathroom, and which person would have lost half of their
clothes as the night wore on. Drunk,
sloppy, children. She had no idea how kids in their twenties
became children in her eyes, but the
older she got, the younger they seemed.

“If he doesn’t come through and ask me out, I’ll be there,”
Amy reassured. “You’re right though,
we should probably find a new place. Spice feels a little…”
she trailed off.

“Young?” She hated that her ex-husband’s words rang in her
head. You’re no spring chicken.

Asshole.

“I’ll get back to you, promise. And I don’t think the idea
of online dating is all that freaky
anymore. More people are doing it. Maybe I’ll join you.” Amy
hardly needed online dating. She
had a long list of men waiting for a turn to date her. She
was a goddess; the problem was she was
a picky goddess.

“It’s not like you have any lack of dates, your standards
are just too stringent. You’ll never
settle,” Lola pointed out.

“Come on, that’s not true. I almost got married.” She almost
got married a few times and then
pulled out. Maybe Lola had a point, but a girl has to have
standards.

They said their good-byes and hung up the phone. Lola
rummaged through the cabinets for
grub. She sighed. Food was the last thing she needed right
now. Her size 20 jeans were already
getting snug and there were 22’s in her very near future if
she didn’t watch it. Thank goodness
for elastic, at least she still had some comfy pants she
could stretch out a bit more before giving
in to her growing tummy and hips. She’d be damned if she was
going up yet another size. Okay,
call it what you will, she could probably wear the 22’s, but
she wasn’t calling it that yet. As long
as she could stretch more life out of her 20’s, she’d remain
a 20 in her eyes.