Excerpt of Tear Stained Beaches by Courtney Giardina

I’m not sure what it was that night. Lying in bed tossing
and turning, I wasn’t able to
sleep. My head was spinning with all sorts of thoughts, and
my heart raced at the very fact any
one of them could be true. He had been texting often lately;
much more than ever before. His
phone never seemed to leave his side and you could see the
panic on his face every time it was
within my grasp. His business trips became more frequent.
Yes, work was busy, but how often
does a lawyer need to travel when they’re only licensed to
practice in one state?

I kept telling myself that I was being paranoid, that he
wasn’t like my exes. After all, he
wasn’t the high school boyfriend who shattered my heart into
pieces; he was my husband of five
years. The most trusting man I had ever met. There’s no way
the man who proposed in a quaint
little bed and breakfast, after drawing me a bath and
ordering in room service, would do anything
to intentionally hurt me. I must have been crazy to think
that.

I tried my best to smile and drew the covers up to my chin,
telling myself to relax. He
was just a dedicated working-man. A man who worked hard for
the house we had, the life we
lived and the luxury cars that sat in the driveway.

I closed my eyes, and our Jamaican honeymoon came to life.
What an amazing time we had that week. It rained for most of
it, but those were the best parts. No one was hogging the
Jacuzzi when it was pouring, so we saw our chance and took
it. Hell, we were wet anyway, so
the rain didn’t bother us. I actually found it romantic.
Every evening, at sunset, we headed down
to the deserted end of the beach and took pictures of the
starfish that hung close to shore. The
last memory before falling asleep was of myself: bright
orange starfish in hand, turning my head
toward the camera, smiling and in love.

It was almost two in the morning when I woke to the door
squeaking open. I kept my
eyes closed, listening to him move around in the darkness.
After a few moments, he lifted the
covers to crawl in. He nudged closer to me and wrapped his
arm around my waist. I took a deep
breath and paused. My eyes shot open as a tear slowly rolled
down my cheek. I stared straight
ahead, careful not to move and betray that I was awake. A
shiver ran up my arm where his hand
rested. I lay there, staring into space, my gaze lingering,
almost as intense as the smell of her
perfume.