Age: I'm in my early thirties. I'm not being coy; it's just
that by the time I update this information, my age will
have changed. By the time I vacuum the rug, my age will
have changed. For those of you who care, get out your
calculators. I was born on June 7th, 1971.
Why I write: God help me, I can't remember who said it, but
there's a famous quote about "Writers write because they
can't do anything else." That's me. There are other things
I can do - not many, but some - but writing is the only
thing I couldn't stop doing. So, there you go.
Where I live: Syracuse, NY. Used to live in Anchorage,
Alaska. They're not as different as one might think...
The basics: One husband. Two kids. No dog. One cat. No
fish. No turtles. No rodents. Although there is a colony of
ants I can't seem to get rid of. Someone gave me the advice
of leaving a saucer of wine out for them. They're attracted
to the sugar, they fall in, they get drunk, they have
indiscriminate sex, then they drown. Or at least, that was
the theory. I'm finding they just keep bugging me for more
wine, and giving me crap when I buy the cheap stuff. Moral
of the story - if someone advises you to get an insect
drunk, ignore them.
Semi-interesting Lani factoids: For my husband's birthday
in May 2002, I appeared on NPR's Car Talk program and
nationally confessed to uncontrollable backseat driving.
They used to have it on the website, but I think they took
down their "classic clips" section. Can't say I'm
ambivalent about that...
If you're up late watching The Discovery Channel or
National Geographic Explorer, and you see something about
snakes and/or bullfrogs, and there's a hilarious white-
haired guy named Cecil Schwalbe chatting you up - that's my
father-in-law. Isn't he adorable?
My mother-in-law, Carol Lutyk Schwalbe, was an editor for
National Geographic for something like 30 years. Her name
was on the masthead of a piece of American history. World
history. Very cool.
At the age of fifteen, I decided I wanted to attend
Syracuse University because I liked their basketball team.
Eighty thousand dollars later, I can see why my mother
found that a tad unsettling.
At the age of 22, I decided on a whim - since I couldn't
afford Syracuse tuition anymore - to go up to Alaska and
hurl fish with my best friend. I met my husband there over
frozen salmon.
In 1995, I got a temp job as a pyrotechnician at Old Tucson
Studios for their three-week Halloween-themed Nightfall
extravaganza. My job was to prepare and set off the
explosives. I almost blew up one of the can-can girls and
didn't get fired. During the days, I assisted in the
wardrobe/props department, where I had the once-in-a-
lifetime opportunity to touch Michael Landon's pants.
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