Stacy Mar

I feel most alive when the evening begins to die into an early twilight. Clouds of nightfall burning their amber edges straight into the void of space. Perhaps this is the crosswalk between reality and everything I read. I want to think about possibilities and I imagine some Romeo kissing me beneath the roaming omnipresent eyeball of the moon, rescuing me from this dense atmosphere. I want to paint that. I want to touch the twilight with my fingers and breathe, this is me, this is me…. I meditate daily. When I focus on my breathing, I feel so close to the earth. As if I’m spinning with it’s core. So in-tuned. There’s no other noise, give the sound of a lonesome train in the near distance. I just want to sink into the isolation of grass. I want to become cloudmist. I want to drink from the cups of tilted stars and a sideways half moon. I want to become vintage, the yellow memories of a fading photograph. I want to live that era in the dreams of an older America, a safer world, a simpler time. I want to hide behind the wisdom of being born, dream myself into a life well-lived, time less-managed, and a heart less brittle….and even more of me than what I am. I want to palm shake this perfect night, then fold it to place in my memory book. I want to make love to the glow of this nights’ new moon and wonder how it feels to fall into the sky. I am a poet (unless you haven’t noticed), semi-vegetarian, a practicing Buddhist (who also believes in Christianity), and a girl with a lot of dreams minus a road map (can’t really live without some spontaneity). I’m a hopeless romantic, a Pisces who prefers to keep her head above the clouds. I am a flighty daydreamer, a firecracker if you piss me off, and your bestest friend if that’s what you want me to be. I am a bibliophile. I don’t just read, I live the words. Anne Sexton and Sylvia Plath feel more like kindred spirits to me than contemporary, modern poets I’ve studied. I love literary novels, anything that can make me think. Joyce Carol Oates is brilliance….I can so easily relate to so many of her characters. I feel that reality is 90% personal perception. I have also learned to feel sorry for negative people who dwell on the negative and avoid the positive, for what you dwell on is what multiplies. I am the mother to an amazing four year old, Arianna. I am a graduate of the study of the mind (MA in Counseling). I do have a Masters degree in mental health counseling and certification in professional counseilng, and currently am a student at Capella University where I am working towards a post-grad certificate in addiction counseling. My biggest aspiration is to become a therapist, I would like to emphasize art therapy as well as creative writing, journaling and poetry into my eclectic approach to counseling. I am a liberal, I aspire for equality and acceptance. I love everyone (and damn, that’s hard to do sometimes). If I don’t like someone, I try to wish them the best and move along my merry way. I read a lot, write a lot, think a lot, and dream a lot. I believe in karma. I am sensitive, if you hurt, I hurt alongside you. I should have lived in the 60’s, maybe I did in my past life, but I want to go back there again. I support the right to happiness under the constitution and believe GLBT individuals own their rights to individuality. I enjoy the teachings of Carl Jung and Rumi. I am in love with poetry readings, art galleries, museums, flea markets, busy malls, movies, theatre, libraries, bookstores, cafes and anyplace where you can find a good book and some yummy coffee. I am pro-life. I support the humane society. I try to be a bearer of good things, but every now and then bullshit gets the best of me (no one is perfect). I believe in fate, but I also think I can intervene. Give me a chance and you’ll love me. Brush me aside and I’ll forget you. I have learned to love myself for everything I am and everything I am not. Ask a girl like me what she wants, and she’ll answer, “Everything.”