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How We Can Help Our Teenagers Grow Up Before They Grow Old
Ballantine Books
October 2009
On Sale: October 20, 2009
272 pages ISBN: 0345507894 EAN: 9780345507891 Hardcover
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Self-Help
Do you sometimes wonder how your teen is ever going to
survive on his or her own as an adult? Does your high school
junior seem oblivious to the challenges that lie ahead? Does
your academically successful nineteen-year-old still expect
you to “just take care of” even the most basic life
tasks?
Welcome to the stunted world of the Endless
Adolescence. Recent studies show that today’s teenagers are
more anxious and stressed and less independent and motivated
to grow up than ever before. Twenty-five is rapidly becoming
the new fifteen for a generation suffering from a
debilitating “failure to launch.” Now two preeminent
clinical psychologists tell us why and chart a
groundbreaking escape route for teens and
parents.
Drawing on their extensive research and
practice, Joseph Allen and Claudia Worrell Allen show that
most teen problems are not hardwired into teens’
brains and hormones but grow instead out of a “Nurture
Paradox” in which our efforts to support our teens by
shielding them from the growth-spurring rigors and rewards
of the adult world have backfired badly. With compelling
examples and practical and profound suggestions, the authors
outline a novel approach for producing dramatic leaps
forward in teen maturity, including
• Turn Consumers
into Contributors Help teens experience adult maturity–its
bumps and its joys–through the right kind of
employment or volunteer activity. • Feed Them with
Feedback Let teens see and hear how the larger world
perceives them. Shielding them from criticism–constructive
or otherwise–will only leave them unequipped to deal with it
when they get to the “real world.” • Provide Adult
Connections Even though they’ll deny it, teens desperately
need to interact with adults (including parents) on a more
mature level–and such interaction will help them
blossom! • Stretch the Teen Envelope Do fewer things for
teens that they can do for themselves, and give them tasks
just beyond their current level of competence and comfort.
Today’s teens are starved for the lost fundamentals
they need to really grow: adult connections and the adult
rewards of autonomy, competence, and mastery. Restoring
these will help them unlearn their adolescent helplessness
and grow into adults who can make you–and themselves–proud.
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