"It takes guts to learn to love again"
Reviewed by Sandra Wurman
Posted April 3, 2011
Romance Contemporary | Romance Series
It's really all about having the inner strength to go on
after tragic losses. Just two weeks before her wedding
pregnant Laura's life took a tragically sad turn when her
fiancé, Jay, came down with meningitis and wound up in a
coma. Laura had come to feel that marrying Jay was a
true blessing. He was the love of her life and she was so
fortunate to have already developed a solid loving
relationship with her future in-laws. But overnight all
that changed. As she watched Jay hooked up to machines, she
was reminded of their discussions of what he wanted in case
he was seriously injured in the line of duty. Every cop
knows the job is fraught with peril and their families are
very aware of the possibility of injury and death. Laura was
beside herself trying to persuade Jay's parents to abide by
his wishes. But they were overwrought at the premature loss
of their son -- their only child -- and disregarded whatever
Laura said and basically shut her out. Laura found herself really alone now -- adrift with just her
unborn child. She knew she had to move on. Easier said than
done. Cops are like a big extended family, taking care of
their own and Jay's force was there for Laura. Jay's folks
also called and made attempts to help but were met with deaf
ears. Laura just couldn't get past their dismissal at the
hospital. Immersion in her work as an art teacher gave her
a sense of normalcy and it was near the end of her
pregnancy when she started spending considerable time with
a student who was doing her best to alienate every teacher
in the school. JT was a gifted artist and really quite
bright but had deep seated feelings of incompetence and
basically thought of herself as dumb. JT lived with her
mother but neither parent made any time for her and as such
JT continually questioned why Laura cared. In steps officer
Seth met both Laura and JT at an inopportune moment and
seemed determined to take them both on. Seth was also
fighting ghosts from his past and was reluctant to actually
move one. They made one messy trio but somehow they each
brought something to this relationship that could
ultimately bring closure to the past and open doors to a
rosier future. Time would tell. The theme of this story is caring and being cared for.
Sometimes it's hard to let your guard down for fear of
getting hurt again but the risk is well worth the rewards.
And that is definitely the lesson to be learned in this
story by Jacobs.
SUMMARY
Laura Watson thinks she\'ll never get over the pain of
losing the man she loved. But when her son is born, Lt.
Seth Keller is right there with her. The widowed Erie cop
has his own reasons to grieve, but he\'s made up his mind
to move on with his life. Seth can accept being friends. Bonded-by-baby, on-the-
verge-of-something-more friends. For now. And when the
time comes, he wants to be the one Laura can turn to. Can
depend on. Maybe even love. But sooner of later, Laura has to decide. The past or the
future? Because life has given them a second chance at
love. Possibly a love that can heal them both...a love
that feels like coming home.
ExcerptLaura Watson watched the monitor.
The staff had long since turned down the volume, but she
could watch the numbers rise and fall on the screen over
Jay’s head. Blood pressure. Heart rate. The fact that the
numbers were there should be comforting. They meant Jay was
still here with her.
But she knew those numbers were a lie. She knew that
despite the fact his heart was beating, he was gone. He
wasn’t coming back to her.
Jay had left, though his body remained. To believe
otherwise was a lie.
His mother and father stood on the other side of the
bed, their faces as ashen as she suspected her own was. His
mother clutched his unmoving hand.
“We need to honor...” Laura’s voice broke. She took a
moment and tried again. “We need to honor Jay’s wishes.”
They were the hardest words that Laura had ever said.
But she knew it was the right thing to do. It was what Jay
would have wanted. It’s what he made her promise she’d do.
Not that he’d planned this.
Jay was a cop and even in a small city like Erie,
Pennsylvania there was always a chance that he’d end up
here in a hospital and this decision would be on her
shoulders.
As they’d planned their future, planned their wedding,
they’d discussed everything, including this possibility.
Jay had been clear about his wishes. He didn’t want to
linger, tethered to this life by machines.
But despite all their conversations about the future,
they hadn’t envisioned this, because it wasn’t a bullet
that put Jay here. It was bacterial meningitis. Jay wasn’t
laid low in the line of duty, but by a tiny bacterium.
“He’s not coming back,” Laura said. “The doctors were
clear.”
Even if his body could survive this illness, his mind
was gone and he’d never be Jay.
They’d never be married. Their June wedding, only two
weeks away, would never happen. No minister would ever
pronounce them man and wife. Jay would never know this
child.
Laura’s hands rested on her still-flat stomach. Jay
would never know this baby, and her baby would never know
its father.
The thought was a physical pain that tore at her.
She remembered the night she told him about her
suspicions. They were engaged and already planning a fall
wedding, but she’d still felt nervous, afraid that he’d be
unhappy about a baby coming so soon.
She remembered his whoop of joy as he’d hurried across
the room, scooped her up and swung her around in his
excitement.
She remembered his moment of concern as he realized he
was swinging around a pregnant woman.
She remembered his tender kiss and his assurances that
this baby was welcome, wanted and was already loved. He’d
been the one who’d urged her to push the wedding forward.
He’d held her and whispered that he loved her and their
child so much, he couldn’t wait until fall.
Tears streamed down her face as she remembered that
moment when she’d fallen in love with Jay all over again.
That’s how it was with Jay. Every time she thought she
loved him as much as humanly possible, he’d do something
that would make her fall all over again and that love would
grow exponentially.
“I hope she’s beautiful like her mom, both inside and
out. Blond hair and blue eyes,” he’d whispered. “Smart,
creative, sweet...” He’d kissed her cheek after each
descriptive word, as if punctuating it.
She touched her cheek, willing herself to feel the
imprint of his lips there, but it had long since gone cold.
Now, weeks later, she looked at Jay’s parents, her
unborn baby’s only grandparents. Because she and Jay
weren’t married yet, his parents were the ones who would
have to sign the papers that would allow the staff to
remove the life support.
“He made it clear that it’s what he wanted,” she told
them gently.
Jay’s mother’s face was suddenly animated with
anger. “We won’t pull the plug, Laura. You can’t ask it of
us.”
“Mrs. Martin, the doctors said he won’t come back and
Jay, knowing what his job might entail, was clear–”
Adele Watson was a tiny, elfin looking woman who’d been
so much more than her fiancé’s mother,. She’d been so much
more than Laura’s future mother-in-law. Laura loved her.
But looking at her now, so angry, Laura realized she didn’t
really know her at all.
“You have no idea how hard a parent will fight for a
child, for a miracle,” Jay’s mother said. “I’m not giving
up on my son just because you have.”
“Mrs. Martin, I haven’t given up anything.” Nothing
except her heart...her dreams. “I–”
“Get out, Laura. Go. My husband and I will look after
Jay. We don’t need you here.”
Laura looked at the woman she’d grown to love. The woman
who’d asked her to call her mom. Laura remembered how she’d
laughed and said, After the wedding, when it’s official.
When she’d said those words, she’d planned on a life with
Jay, and his parents becoming her parents. Finally, after
years of being on her own, she’d belong to someone–to a
family. She could still see the fragments of that imagined
future. And the knowledge that it would never happen was
crushing.
She’d been counting down the minutes until she and Jay
were married. Until he was hers, and she’d call his parents
Mom and Dad.
Her heart broke as she pushed back the chair and stood,
facing his parents. She knew there wasn’t anything left she
could do for Jay except honor this one last request and she
didn’t have the power to do it. “He didn’t want this.”
She leaned down and kissed his still-warm cheek. It
would be so easy to deceive herself. To watch the machine
and believe its lie–believe that Jay was in there and he’d
be coming back.
But she couldn’t afford to believe. And she couldn’t do
this last thing for him and honor his wishes.
She looked at his mother and father, at the family she’d
hoped to belong to, then turned and walked from the room.
Laura knew that the family she’d longed for was an
illusion.
But this baby growing inside her–her child and Jay’s–
this baby was reality. And the family she’d build with the
baby was real, too.
Her heart was breaking over Jay, but somehow she’d
figure out how to go on for the baby’s sake.
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