Ever wonder how to retrieve a sunken golf cart from a snake-infested lake? Or which club in your bag is best suited for combat against a horde of rats? If these and other sporting questions are gnawing at you, The Downhill Lie, Carl Hiaasenβs hilarious confessional about returning to the fairways after a thirty-two-year absence, is definitely the book for you.
Originally drawn to the game by his father, Carl wisely quit golfing in 1973, when βRichard Nixon was hunkered down like a meth-crazed badger in the White House, Hank Aaron was one dinger shy of Babe Ruthβs all-time home run record, and The Who had just released Quadrophenia.β But some ambitions refuse to die, and as the yearsβand memories of shanked 7-ironsβfaded, it dawned on Carl that there might be one thing in life he could do better in middle age than he could as a youth. So gradually he ventured back to the dreaded driving range, this time as the father of a five-year-old sonβand also as a grandfather.
βWhat possesses a man to return in midlife to a game at which heβd never excelled in his prime, and which in fact had dealt him mostly failure, angst and exasperation? Hereβs why I did it: Iβm one sick bastard.β
And thus we have Carlβs foray into a world of baffling titanium technology, high-priced golf gurus, bizarre infomercial gimmicks and the mind-bending phenomenon of Tiger Woods; a maddening universe of hooks and slices where Carl ultimatelyβand foolishlyβagrees to compete in a country-club tournament against players who can actually hit the ball. βThatβs the secret of the sportβs infernal seduction,β he writes. βIt surrenders just enough good shots to let you talk yourself out of quitting.β
Hiaasenβs chronicle of his shaky return to this bedeviling pastime and the ensuing demolition of his self-esteemβculminating with the savage 45-hole tournamentβwill have you rolling with laughter. Yet the bittersweet memories of playing with his own father and the glow he feels when watching his own young son belt the ball down the fairway will also touch your heart. Forget Tiger, Phil and Ernie. If you want to understand the true lure of golf, turn to Carl Hiaasen, who has written an extraordinary book for the ordinary hacker.
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