April's Affections and Intrigues: Love and Mystery Bloom

The Dysfunctional Test, September 2013 by Kelly Moran Samhain Publishing Featuring: Troy Lankse; Camryn Covic 274 pages ISBN: 1619216620 EAN: 9781619216624 Kindle: B00DJQYAXK e-Book Add to Wish List Purchase Kindle Barnes & Noble

"A rollercoaster ride that will touch your heart and leave you in roaring fits of laughter.."

The Dysfunctional Test
Kelly Moran

Reviewed by Mahvish Saeed
Posted December 6, 2013

Romance Contemporary

Camryn Covic is an epitome of control in her large crazy Serbian family. Known as an Ice Princess in both her workplace and home, it seems nothing can faze her. So when she loses her apartment, her job and her long-time boyfriend in just a day and right before her sister's wedding extravaganza, it seems she is dangerously close to her breaking point. In order for Cam's single status not to spoil the celebrations for her wedding, the bride-to-be comes up with a brilliant plan. Since their family never met her boyfriend, Cam can recruit their old family friend Troy to pretend to be the one she was in relationship with from beginning.

Troy is the golden boy who no one is willing to believe would date someone like Camryn. The only reason he agreed was because she was his lifeline when he was a lonely foster kid and that she never, ever, ever for as long as he knew her, asked anyone for help. The situation gets clearer when he realizes just how much her family's comments and opinions about her, affect her. Added to that, just how jaded she has become she smiles when forced to and does not believe in love. So, taking advantage of this opportunity and his way of saying thank you, Troy comes up with a list of things for her to do to restore her faith in fairy tales and love. May be along the way get her to loosen up and discover herself again. Like every plan though, this seems to backfire when Troy begins to fall for Camryn. For him it might mean losing everything including her honorary family and being alone again.

From the synopsis and the title, I was kind of expecting a serious sort of romance. Therefore, it took me completely off-kilter when I was introduced to Camryn. An outward epitome of control but inside she is almost just as crazy as the rest of her family. I absolutely love her sarcasm and witty thoughts. I could also relate to her in terms of wanting to or needing to hide the emotions brewing inside just to show outward control and how, whatever the situation is, does not affect you. Similarly the insecurities she faces are real too faced by most of the girls who are surrounded by either beautiful relatives or friends. Troy is a golden boy with his own insecurities. One glance will not tell you till Cam points it out. Together, they bring out the best in each other making their uncertainties seem to vanish with time and patience. They know how to get the other out of the shell and believe in oneself. The secondary characters will not let you get bored for a second. Little Emily is a breath of fresh air with her innocence and apt observation of a child who is still learning words.

Ms. Kelly Moran has written a delightful book which had me on the verge of crying one moment, my jaw hanging open from shock the next or laughing my head off. The family is truly crazy and very very nosy. I cannot imagine living with such a family or even meeting them for long lengths of time before going crazy myself or blowing up. In between, the romance it will make you sigh and believe in love and fairy tales and leave a warm tingly feeling in your heart. Hence, the very aptly named, THE DYSFUNCTIONAL TEST, is a perfect test. Although, I highly recommend you read to find out what exactly the test is. It will make your day, making it to your keepers shelf to read again and again. I would compare this book to the queens of witty, heart-warming romance, but Ms. Moran has her own voice which makes her unique style and presence known and ability to sit comfortably with the likes of the very best authors of this genre.

Learn more about The Dysfunctional Test

SUMMARY

You are cordially challenged to a test of true love.

Growing up in her large, crazy Serbian family, Camryn Covic became an expert at shutting down her emotions in order to maintain her sanity. But when she loses her apartment, her job and her boyfriend all in one day, she hits her breaking point.

Worse, if her family finds out she’s single again, her sister’s upcoming wedding will be a disaster. The bride-to-be has a plan, though. A plan that involves an old friend, a pretend relationship…and the probability of ending up in a padded cell. This time for real.

Troy Lanske agreed to the crazy plan only because, when he was a lonely foster child, Camryn was his lifeline. But she isn’t the idealistic girl he remembers. She’s become so jaded that she doesn’t even believe in love anymore.

He sets out to restore her faith in happily-ever-afters, but his plan backfires when the fake relationship begins to feel all too real. Falling for the one woman he can’t have could mean losing more than just his honorary family. He could lose everything.

Warning: Contains a Playgirl-material hero and a woman who thinks she couldn’t be any more wrong for him. Enter one “Big Fat Overly Romantic Serbian Family”. Sit back and watch the magic happen. Enjoy!

Excerpt

She was supposed to be next. She had chosen someone well suited to her. Someone even her family couldn't chase away. Her parents hadn't even asked his name. They were just relieved she was serious with someone. Prerequisites at this point were a living male.

Being alone never bothered Camryn, not really. In the end, the only person she could rely on was herself. No one else seemed to understand her, or understand her need for independence. It mattered not how she preached to her family about the modern woman, how she didn't need a man to make her happy. They just saw her singlehood as one more let down. If they could, they probably would have traded her for a mule in an arranged marriage.

Camryn could all but feel their disappointment now. The pity stares. The clicking tongues. Poor, poor, Camryn. All alone. No one wants her.

At least she'd bought her own plane ticket. Her family wouldn't know Maxwell's would go to waste. She poured herself a cup of coffee and went back into the living room before the tears could come. Heather would see through her in a heartbeat.

"Why don't you hire someone? An escort or something."

Camryn gave her the best "shut-up" face she had in reserve. "Someone's been watching too much Lifetime again."

"I'm serious. Hire someone to be Maxwell, then explain the breakup later. They won't spend the entire wedding obsessing over that then. You never brought him home. They don't know what he looks like." She didn't know what was sadder, the fact her sister thought the only way she could get a wedding date was to hire one, or late last night she'd thought up the same crazy idea.

"No. Mom and Dad will get over it. Eventually." She took a sip of coffee. "I'd never be able to pull it off with a stranger anyway."

"They're already upset we're not doing an Orthodox ceremony at church. They're going to spend the entire trip obsessing over that, never mind your spinsterhood. They're going to try to set you up with Justin's distant cousins or something. It'll be embarrassing."

Ah ha. The truth. Heather was more worried about her wedding day getting ruined than about Camryn's welfare. Though she did have a point. One Camryn had already considered.

"Heather, even if this wasn't absurd, this guy is going to be in your wedding pictures. I've been dating Maxwell for over a year. Mom and Dad know we were discussing marriage. I can't explain away not wanting my date in photos."

"You need someone we know," Heather said.

Camryn rolled her eyes as the gears turned in her sister's head. She was surprised there wasn't smoke. "No."

Her sister wasn't listening, though. She was on a roll. "Someone we wouldn't mind in photos."

"No."

"What about Troy?"

Camryn flinched. "Troy Lansky? As in our brother's best friend? He doesn't have enough fingers and toes to count the women he's been with. This year."

Heather was undeterred. "Exactly. He never brings a date to family functions. He's not serious about anyone."

"No."

"Think about it, Cam. He knows you. Really well."

"No."

"Cam..."

"No."

Heather stood. "Cam, he'd pass the test."

Camryn snapped her mouth shut before another no could pop out. Heather was right about that. Troy would pass the test.

Back when they were teenagers, Camryn and her siblings had contrived what they called the dysfunctional test. If anyone they dated could survive a span of time with their family and not go clinically insane, and also be approved by the family, then they'd be the one for them. Her brother's wife, Anna, had passed the test. They had joked about it at their engagement party, letting Anna in on the secret. When Justin passed and proposed to Heather, they let him in on it too.

Camryn had never found someone to even try to pass. As time went by, she figured it didn't matter if she brought a paranoid schizophrenic with a toenail fetish home, he would suffice. Maxwell probably wouldn't have passed, but in the eyes of her parents, he would do. Living, breathing male.

Troy, however, passed the test at age ten, when he was first introduced to the family as their foster child. He never talked about it much, but his father was an abusive alcoholic. Having been in and out of their home for foster care until he turned eighteen, Troy had always been an honorary member of the family.

He also belonged on the cover of Playgirl. And knew it. Troy had sandy blond hair which lightened considerably in the summer and was always just south of needing a cut. His eyes were a deep, rich brown, and his lashes were a criminal waste on a man. Just shy of six feet tall, his body was the result of hard work and discipline. But his smile was the kicker. No woman had ever resisted that smile when the wattage cranked.

No one would believe they were a couple. Men like him didn't date women like her. It went against the balance of nature. The world would implode.

One more thing her family would blame her for.

Emily came running into the room waving a piece of paper. "I made a picture of you, Auntie Cam."

"Oh yeah? Let's see." Camryn looked down at the primitive etchings of her young niece. "Not bad, honey. But why do I have a big frown on my face?"

"Because you never smile."

This must be make Camryn feel like crap week. Camryn looked at Heather, who was too busy texting to notice. To prove the three-year-old wrong, Camryn plastered a big smile on her face. "Thank you. I love it. Maybe next time I can wear a smile?"

Heather laughed. Camryn thought it was at her until Heather turned the cell screen so she could see it. Heather: What time do you get off work tomorrow?

Troy: 3. Why? Change your mind about the wedding? Wanna run away with me?

Heather: Lol. No, Cam will be at your place at 3:15 to discuss an important proposal.

Troy: Cam, huh? Must be serious.

Heather: Always is with her. Think about it before saying no.

Troy: Oh no. You're not sending her to arrange my wardrobe, are you? I can iron my own underwear.

Heather: Lmfao. Be home by 3:15.

Troy: K.

Camryn ground her teeth and stood. She was halfway to the kitchen before Heather spoke.

"What? You didn't say no."

When Camryn turned, Heather was wearing a pink baby doll dress and pigtails. Large black freckles spotted her nose. Some of the tension drained from Camryn before the image dissolved.

"I'm saying it now. No."

"Come on, sis. It'll work."

No, it wouldn't. Troy would never go for this charade. And even if he did, this would be one more joke to him. Contrary to popular opinion, her life was not a joke.

It may be sad and pathetic, but it wasn't a joke.

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Comments

3 comments posted.

Re: A rollercoaster ride that will touch your heart and leave you in roaring fits of laughter..

Thanks for the great reviews, guys! So glad you liked it!
(Kelly Moran 8:11am December 7, 2013)

I loved it Kelly.. Cannot say enough! :)
(Mahvish Saeed 10:26am December 7, 2013)

Awww! *blushes*
(Kelly Moran 4:01pm December 7, 2013)