Camryn Covic is an epitome of control in her large crazy
Serbian family. Known as an Ice Princess in both her
workplace and home, it seems nothing can faze her. So when
she loses her apartment, her job and her long-time boyfriend
in just a day and right before her sister's wedding
extravaganza, it seems she is dangerously close to her
breaking point. In order for Cam's single status not to
spoil the celebrations for her wedding, the bride-to-be
comes up with a brilliant plan. Since their family never met
her boyfriend, Cam can recruit their old family friend Troy
to pretend to be the one she was in relationship with from
beginning.
Troy is the golden boy who no one is willing to believe
would date someone like Camryn. The only reason he agreed
was because she was his lifeline when he was a lonely foster
kid and that she never, ever, ever for as long as he knew
her, asked anyone for help. The situation gets clearer when
he realizes just how much her family's comments and opinions
about her, affect her. Added to that, just how jaded she
has become she smiles when forced to and does not believe in
love. So, taking advantage of this opportunity and his way
of saying thank you, Troy comes up with a list of things for
her to do to restore her faith in fairy tales and love. May
be along the way get her to loosen up and discover herself
again. Like every plan though, this seems to backfire when
Troy begins to fall for Camryn. For him it might mean losing
everything including her honorary family and being alone
again.
From the synopsis and the title, I was kind of expecting a
serious sort of romance. Therefore, it took me completely
off-kilter when I was introduced to Camryn. An outward
epitome of control but inside she is almost just as crazy as
the rest of her family. I absolutely love her sarcasm and
witty thoughts. I could also relate to her in terms of
wanting to or needing to hide the emotions brewing inside
just to show outward control and how, whatever the situation
is, does not affect you. Similarly the insecurities she
faces are real too faced by most of the girls who are
surrounded by either beautiful relatives or friends. Troy is
a golden boy with his own insecurities. One glance will not
tell you till Cam points it out. Together, they bring out
the best in each other making their uncertainties seem to
vanish with time and patience. They know how to get the
other out of the shell and believe in oneself. The secondary
characters will not let you get bored for a second. Little
Emily is a breath of fresh air with her innocence and apt
observation of a child who is still learning words.
Ms. Kelly Moran has written a delightful book which had me
on the verge of crying one moment, my jaw hanging open from
shock the next or laughing my head off. The family is truly
crazy and very very nosy. I cannot imagine living with such
a family or even meeting them for long lengths of time
before going crazy myself or blowing up. In between, the
romance it will make you sigh and believe in love and fairy
tales and leave a warm tingly feeling in your heart. Hence,
the very aptly named, THE DYSFUNCTIONAL TEST, is a perfect
test. Although, I highly recommend you read to find out what
exactly the test is. It will make your day, making it to
your keepers shelf to read again and again. I would compare
this book to the queens of witty, heart-warming romance, but
Ms. Moran has her own voice which makes her unique style and
presence known and ability to sit comfortably with the likes
of the very best authors of this genre.
You are cordially challenged to a test of true love.
Growing up in her large, crazy Serbian family, Camryn Covic
became an expert at shutting down her emotions in order to
maintain her sanity. But when she loses her apartment, her
job and her boyfriend all in one day, she hits her breaking
point.
Worse, if her family finds out she’s single again, her
sister’s upcoming wedding will be a disaster. The
bride-to-be has a plan, though. A plan that involves an old
friend, a pretend relationship…and the probability of ending
up in a padded cell. This time for real.
Troy Lanske agreed to the crazy plan only because, when he
was a lonely foster child, Camryn was his lifeline. But she
isn’t the idealistic girl he remembers. She’s become so
jaded that she doesn’t even believe in love anymore.
He sets out to restore her faith in happily-ever-afters, but
his plan backfires when the fake relationship begins to feel
all too real. Falling for the one woman he can’t have could
mean losing more than just his honorary family. He could
lose everything.
Warning: Contains a Playgirl-material hero and a woman who
thinks she couldn’t be any more wrong for him. Enter one
“Big Fat Overly Romantic Serbian Family”. Sit back and watch
the magic happen. Enjoy!
Excerpt
If one thing was hammered into her skull her whole life, it
was to find a mate and procreate. It never mattered to them
how successful she was in her career if she didn't have
someone to share her life with. Family was everything. And
hers was a walk-in closet full of romantics. Very old
school. It was shameful to her family that her younger
brother married first. Downright disgraceful that her baby
sister was marrying before her.
She was supposed to be next. She had chosen someone well
suited to her. Someone even her family couldn't chase away.
Her parents hadn't even asked his name. They were just
relieved she was serious with someone. Prerequisites at this
point were a living male.
Being alone never bothered Camryn, not really. In the end,
the only person she could rely on was herself. No one else
seemed to understand her, or understand her need for
independence. It mattered not how she preached to her family
about the modern woman, how she didn't need a man to make
her happy. They just saw her singlehood as one more let
down. If they could, they probably would have traded her for
a mule in an arranged marriage.
Camryn could all but feel their disappointment now. The pity
stares. The clicking tongues. Poor, poor, Camryn. All alone.
No one wants her.
At least she'd bought her own plane ticket. Her family
wouldn't know Maxwell's would go to waste.
She poured herself a cup of coffee and went back into the
living room before the tears could come. Heather would see
through her in a heartbeat.
"Why don't you hire someone? An escort or something."
Camryn gave her the best "shut-up" face she had in reserve.
"Someone's been watching too much Lifetime again."
"I'm serious. Hire someone to be Maxwell, then explain the
breakup later. They won't spend the entire wedding obsessing
over that then. You never brought him home. They don't know
what he looks like."
She didn't know what was sadder, the fact her sister thought
the only way she could get a wedding date was to hire one,
or late last night she'd thought up the same crazy idea.
"No. Mom and Dad will get over it. Eventually." She took a
sip of coffee. "I'd never be able to pull it off with a
stranger anyway."
"They're already upset we're not doing an Orthodox ceremony
at church. They're going to spend the entire trip obsessing
over that, never mind your spinsterhood. They're going to
try to set you up with Justin's distant cousins or
something. It'll be embarrassing."
Ah ha. The truth. Heather was more worried about her wedding
day getting ruined than about Camryn's welfare. Though she
did have a point. One Camryn had already considered.
"Heather, even if this wasn't absurd, this guy is going to
be in your wedding pictures. I've been dating Maxwell for
over a year. Mom and Dad know we were discussing marriage. I
can't explain away not wanting my date in photos."
"You need someone we know," Heather said.
Camryn rolled her eyes as the gears turned in her sister's
head. She was surprised there wasn't smoke. "No."
Her sister wasn't listening, though. She was on a roll.
"Someone we wouldn't mind in photos."
"No."
"What about Troy?"
Camryn flinched. "Troy Lansky? As in our brother's best
friend? He doesn't have enough fingers and toes to count the
women he's been with. This year."
Heather was undeterred. "Exactly. He never brings a date to
family functions. He's not serious about anyone."
"No."
"Think about it, Cam. He knows you. Really well."
"No."
"Cam..."
"No."
Heather stood. "Cam, he'd pass the test."
Camryn snapped her mouth shut before another no could pop
out. Heather was right about that. Troy would pass the test.
Back when they were teenagers, Camryn and her siblings had
contrived what they called the dysfunctional test. If anyone
they dated could survive a span of time with their family
and not go clinically insane, and also be approved by the
family, then they'd be the one for them. Her brother's wife,
Anna, had passed the test. They had joked about it at their
engagement party, letting Anna in on the secret. When Justin
passed and proposed to Heather, they let him in on it too.
Camryn had never found someone to even try to pass. As time
went by, she figured it didn't matter if she brought a
paranoid schizophrenic with a toenail fetish home, he would
suffice. Maxwell probably wouldn't have passed, but in the
eyes of her parents, he would do. Living, breathing male.
Troy, however, passed the test at age ten, when he was first
introduced to the family as their foster child. He never
talked about it much, but his father was an abusive
alcoholic. Having been in and out of their home for foster
care until he turned eighteen, Troy had always been an
honorary member of the family.
He also belonged on the cover of Playgirl. And knew it. Troy
had sandy blond hair which lightened considerably in the
summer and was always just south of needing a cut. His eyes
were a deep, rich brown, and his lashes were a criminal
waste on a man. Just shy of six feet tall, his body was the
result of hard work and discipline. But his smile was the
kicker. No woman had ever resisted that smile when the
wattage cranked.
No one would believe they were a couple. Men like him didn't
date women like her. It went against the balance of nature.
The world would implode.
One more thing her family would blame her for.
Emily came running into the room waving a piece of paper. "I
made a picture of you, Auntie Cam."
"Oh yeah? Let's see." Camryn looked down at the primitive
etchings of her young niece. "Not bad, honey. But why do I
have a big frown on my face?"
"Because you never smile."
This must be make Camryn feel like crap week. Camryn looked
at Heather, who was too busy texting to notice. To prove the
three-year-old wrong, Camryn plastered a big smile on her
face. "Thank you. I love it. Maybe next time I can wear a
smile?"
Heather laughed. Camryn thought it was at her until Heather
turned the cell screen so she could see it.
Heather: What time do you get off work tomorrow?
Troy: 3. Why? Change your mind about the wedding? Wanna run
away with me?
Heather: Lol. No, Cam will be at your place at 3:15 to
discuss an important proposal.
Troy: Cam, huh? Must be serious.
Heather: Always is with her. Think about it before saying no.
Troy: Oh no. You're not sending her to arrange my wardrobe,
are you? I can iron my own underwear.
Heather: Lmfao. Be home by 3:15.
Troy: K.
Camryn ground her teeth and stood. She was halfway to the
kitchen before Heather spoke.
"What? You didn't say no."
When Camryn turned, Heather was wearing a pink baby doll
dress and pigtails. Large black freckles spotted her nose.
Some of the tension drained from Camryn before the image
dissolved.
"I'm saying it now. No."
"Come on, sis. It'll work."
No, it wouldn't. Troy would never go for this charade. And
even if he did, this would be one more joke to him. Contrary
to popular opinion, her life was not a joke.
It may be sad and pathetic, but it wasn't a joke.