The last person struggling writer and amateur PI
Jaine Austen expected to hear on the other end of the line
when she answered her phone was Patti Marshall, the former
prom queen of Jaine's alma mater, Hermosa High. Jaine and
Patti were never friends in school; in fact, the only
comments Patti ever made to Jaine while they were in high
school were said with biting sarcasm and a look that could
peel paint, so Jaine is suspicious when Patti announces
that she's getting married and that she absolutely must
have Jaine write her wedding vows. Is it possible the
leopard has changed its spots? Has Patti grown into a
more kind-hearted woman? The answer, Jaine soon learns,
is no.
What Patti has grown into is Bridezilla. The vows
that she wants Jaine to write? She wants them to be an
adaptation of the balcony scene from Romeo and Juliet,
only without the morbid ending. In Patti's version, which
Jaine is expected to produce in only two days, the
dialogue is supposed to sound like it came from Friends...or
maybe Gray's Anatomy...or perhaps Seinfeld. As Jaine
listens to Patti in horror, she desperately wants to turn
down the job and leave Patti firmly in her past, but she's
even more desperate to pay her bills, which have been
threatening to swallow her coffee table. So, she
reluctantly enslaves herself to Patti for the week to the
tune of three thousand dollars.
Over the next few days, Jaine struggles through
countless rewrites and Patti's hostile behavior, while
simultaneously dodging the attentions of the best man, an
obnoxious geek who stalked her in high school. But when
the wedding day arrives, tragedy (or karma) arrives with
it, and Bridezilla takes a fatal tumble from the balcony
with the help of a loosened railing. There's no doubt
that Patti was murdered, but the list of potential
suspects is longer than the deceased bride's train. The
police believe the groom's jealous ex-wife, Normalynne, is
responsible, but Jaine just can't accept that sweet
Normalynne is capable of murder. Jaine sets out to prove
Normalynne's innocence, but finding the real murderer
among Bridezilla's list of enemies is harder than she ever
imagined. Who knew so many people were waiting in line to
kill Bridezilla?
Laura Levine is a woman who knows how to deliver a
punch line, and her delightful characters will keep you
laughing from beginning to end! Anyone who has ever been
owned by a cat will find a lot to love about Prozac,
Jaine's overindulged feline, who is a consummate scene
stealer, while Jaine is a terrific narrator; a thirty-
something single woman who, despite her complaints about
her extra weight and lack of exercise, seems pretty darn
comfortable in her own skin. The fates continually
conspire to put her in situations where mortification is
inevitable, and yet she has a knack for picking herself
back up and facing the next challenge with gusto, even if
she has to hire a date and go without makeup to do it. And
KILLING BRIDEZILLA isn't just about comedy. Oh no! The
mystery
is so cleverly woven into the plot, and the secondary
characters are so brilliantly developed, that the only
reason not to read this book in one sitting is because
you'll never want it to end.
When writer-for-hire Jaine Austen signs on to script vows
for the ultimate Bridezilla, "I do's" soon become "I wish
I hadn't's"--and curtains for the bride spell a veil of
woes for Jaine...
Jaine's accepted her share of lame
gigs to pay the bills, but rewriting Shakespeare's got to
be an all-time low. The fiasco begins with a call from
Jaine's high-school nemesis, uber rich uber witch Patti
Devane. It seems Patti will soon be sashaying down the
aisle with another former classmate from Hermosa High, and
she'd like the exchange of vows to evoke Romeo and
Juliet...except without the "downer" of an ending.
Even worse than the assignment itself is dealing with
Patti as a client. At least Jaine's not alone, as nobody
can stand the demanding, spoiled, and incredibly rude
Bridezilla from Hell. Patti's managed to rack up an
amazingly long list of enemies in a short time, not the
least of whom include her prospective mother-in-law, the
soon-to-be ex-wife of Patti's stolen soon-to-be groom, and
just about everyone involved in the wedding preparations.
So it isn't a complete surprise when the erstwhile Juliet
plunges to her death during her balcony scene.
The
loosened bolts that brought down the bride were clearly an
act of sabotage--what's not so obvious is whom, among
Patti's numerous haters, committed this murder most foul.
Was it the caterer she threatened to ruin? The bridesmaid
tossed out of the wedding party for being too chubby?
Jaine's determined to learn the truth--if only to end the
hideous walk down memory lane kicked off by her
association with Patti.
Between fending off
advances from the nerd of her high school nightmares and
figuring out ways to stop Prozac the cat from corrupting
the victim's pet Poodle, Jaine's involvement in this case
keeps veering between comedy and tragedy. That is, until
another body is discovered--and the killer starts laying
plot for a final act--starring Jaine...
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