Excerpt of Three Dirty Women and the Bitter Brew by Julie Wray Herman

"YOU HANDCUFFED THE WOMAN on your first date?" Korine McFaile exclaimed.

J.J. Bascom replied, "It was the only way I could go home in one piece. I happened to have brought them along. Want to borrow them?"

"I don't think Dodie Halloran would sit still long enough for me to put handcuffs on her like your date did. Dodie hates me. I just wish I knew why," Korine said.

The two sat skulking behind the potted palms in the lobby of the Savannah Hilliard Hotel. Korine and Janey Bascom, two-thirds of the partnership of Three Dirty Women Landscaping, Inc., were attending the twelfth annual Southern Small Landscapers Conference. So far, barely an hour into the opening cocktail party, Korine had almost forgotten that she prided herself on being a tolerant person.

Janey came around the corner with a plate of food for J.J. The slim woman slid in behind the swaying fronds and sat next to her husband on the overstuffed couch. He put an arm around his wife and tucked her in next to him. Janey's smooth café-au-lait coloring and J.J.'s weathered good looks made them a striking couple. Opposites only in their looks, the two of them complemented each other's lives in all the ways that counted.

Originally, Janey and Korine were going to room together. Then J.J. had the bright idea to come along and keep Janey company. After the grueling hour Korine had spent in her room with Dodie, she almost wished he'd stayed home to take care of business as Pine Grove's chief of police.

Their third partner, Amilou Whittier, had not been able to convince her probation officer that going to Savannah, Georgia, didn't violate the terms of her sentence. The previous summer, following the murder of Amilou's husband, Judge Carrolton had saddled her with what some critics were calling a very light sentence for her crimes. To hear Amilou, the sentence was entirely too strict, given the extenuating circumstances. Korine privately agreed with those who criticized the judge in the case. Amilou still didn't seem to realize the magnitude of what she had done.

"If I didn't think it would take measures that would cost me my job," J.J. kidded, "I'd offer to convince Dodie that she shouldn't bother you anymore."

"That's not necessary." Korine smiled in spite of herself at the vision of Dodie handcuffed to a chair somewhere, leaving her free to attend the conference in peace. "If all else fails, I'll just move in with you two."

The silent exchange of panicked looks between her two friends made Korine laugh outright. "Never mind, I'll make it through the weekend in one piece. I just wish I'd taken the trouble to find my own roommate, instead of relying on Sharon. She's got more than enough on her plate organizing all this without having to run a roommate matching service at the same time."

She regarded J.J. and Janey with something approaching her usual humor. Thank goodness she had friends like the two of them. Even though J.J. had inadvertently caused the problem, the pair of them were also the saving grace of the weekend. Korine's son, Chaz, had moved to Savannah not too long before, and he promised to be a much-needed distraction when he picked her up the next day for a sight- seeing tour of the city. Still, she knew that she'd have gone absolutely insane if Janey and J.J. weren't there to help her regain a proper perspective on things.

From the minute Korine had walked into her room, Dodie started complaining about anything and every-thing — almost as if she was trying deliberately to ruin Korine's weekend. Korine hadn't even been able to unpack her clothes without being treated to the woman's helpful criticisms.

Janey held up the conference program and asked, "Have you decided what sessions you're interested in yet?"

"There's one on soils," Korine said, plunging her hand deep within the blue canvas tote bag she'd received when they checked in. She first pulled out a handful of advertisements, making enough room for her questing fingers to find the slick surface of the program. She opened it and thumbed through. "They've got Steve Bender from Southern Living doing 'Dishing up Good Dirt." Soil is the underpinning of all good gardens."

When J.J. groaned, Korine gave him a quick grin of appreciation for his having caught her drift. "I love his column so much, I can't miss that." She turned the page. "There's another one first thing in the morning, Bill Welch on antique roses."

A flushed round face sporting bifocals peered through the fronds like a disembodied owl. "Korine?" the vision breathlessly inquired. "You in there?"

"Sharon." Korine stood up and shoved the pot over so that the heavyset woman could get by. "We're just deciding which part of the conference to attend first."

"I thought that was you mentioning the roses," Sharon said. "Bill Welch sure knows his stuff." The woman's coiffed hair didn't stir an inch as she nodded vigorously. She was the same age as Korine but looked and acted ten years older. "I'm a little worried about that seminar on composting. I'm not so sure anyone will be there at all. I mean," she said, her tone conveying disdain in every syllable, "how much is there to throwing all your rotting stuff in a heap and waiting it out?"

Janey ducked her head behind her program. There was a man not far outside Pine Grove who pulled in a very nice salary from recycled horse manure. Korine avoided looking in Janey's direction as she answered noncommittally. Composting had come a long way from burying kitchen scraps out in the back corner of the yard.

"Now, before I forget," Sharon said, "Dodie mentioned a little tiff between the two of you?"

Korine shifted uncomfortably in her seat. What was Dodie thinking of, pulling Sharon into their squabble? Korine felt a stab of anger. Despite her personal distaste, she had bent over backwards to be polite. "We'll work it out on our own," she said neutrally.

"I would have thought so too, but the poor thing was in tears. I wouldn't have thought it of you."

"Sharon," J.J. said, "that woman could sell you the hind end off a donkey and make you think you'd gotten the better half."

Janey's gentle touch on J.J.'s arm got his attention and he bit off whatever he had been about to add.

Sharon blinked from J.J.'s set face to Korine's inflamed one. "I see," she said, and Korine could see the wheels turning. "I thought y'all would enjoy getting to know each other better since Dodie's moved up to your part of the country. I may have made an error in judgment."

"I don't actually know Dodie, but her reputation goes before her. I should have said something to you before we got into the room." Korine paused, and out of the corner of her eye she caught an odd look on Janey's face. Sharon's obvious misery aroused Korine's sense of pity. She repeated her pledge: "You've got plenty to worry with over the conference, Sharon. Dodie and I will work out our differences on our own."

"I hope so. I don't think I can stand any more personality conflicts." Sharon flipped the fern back behind her head and cruised out into the crowd.

"How did I wind up being the villain?" Korine demanded.

Janey said, "I overheard them talking at registration.

Dodie and Sharon are cousins. I should have said something much sooner."

"Oh my." Korine was aghast. Neither Sharon nor Dodie had so much as breathed a word of this earlier.

J.J. broke the silence. "I don't know about the two of you, but I want some more of that food before it's all gone. You can't let Dodie keep you hostage just because she's unpleasant."

"You're right, of course. And you'll be there with your handcuffs if she gets out of hand." Korine stood up, smoothed her skirt, and tucked a stray piece of fluffy gray hair behind her ears.

J.J.'s neck flushed as he looked sternly at Korine. "Sorry," she said at the same time that Janey said, "What do you mean?"

"Long story, honey," J.J. said, slipping an arm around Janey. He gave Korine a mock hard stare. "Let's go see what's left, and I'll tell you all about it."

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN talking about me behind my back?" Dodie's tearful voice came from behind Korine as she reached for a veggie cornucopia.

Korine deposited the canapé on her plate and slowly turned to face the woman. "Dodie, Sharon said that you had complained about me. I told her that we'd settle whatever differences we had. In private?"

The stress on the last word went right by Dodie. Looking like a stuffed pimento in her tight red sheath, Dodie's face was blotched and tearstained. "It's a bit late to keep this private, don't you think?"

Thanks to her shrill voice, Dodie was absolutely correct. Heads were turning in an ever-widening circle. Soon the entire ballroom would be witness to this hissy fit.

"Dodie, for goodness' sake, I don't want to be at odds with you. After all, we have to live with each other for the rest of this weekend. How about we go sit down and see if we can find out what's going on here."

"You publicly malign my reputation? And when I call you on it, you want to go somewhere and sit down and chat?" Dodie's voice carried clearly beyond the buffet table to those shamelessly listening from their seats.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." Korine was beginning to feel as if she'd stepped in quicksand. This woman's problems were far more serious than she'd earlier thought.

"I was willing to give you some benefit of the doubt when Sharon told me who I would be rooming with. For all I knew, you weren't the white trash who named the company Three Dirty Women." Dodie delivered this into dead silence. Every ear in the place was tuned in to see what the latest scandal was about.

Korine opened her mouth to reply. She was saved from what indignation might have inspired her to say by a smooth, deep voice coming from behind her.

"Ladies, if you'll allow me to help, we may be able to sort this out." Leo Gilcrest, the current president of the Small Landscapers League, cut the two of them out of line and steered them both firmly to his table.

While not exactly private, it did afford Korine the opportunity to lower herself into a chair. As soon as she sat down, she realized how badly her legs were shaking.

As Dodie opened her mouth, Leo held up one hand to stop her. "I know that you've had your feelings hurt, Dodie," he said. "But Korine doesn't usually speak poorly of folks. Maybe Sharon misunderstood."

Korine wondered with whom he had been speaking. She didn't remember having met him before. She'd read his articles in the newsletter, and she thought he knew his plants pretty well. She'd heard rumors about him, though. If the stories told about him were true, he knew his way around the ladies even better than he knew his botany.