Kathryn Ellis closed her eyes and took a deep breath. What
she was about to do, seeking out Holt Calhoun when he
clearly didn't want to be found
She swallowed hard. It had been years since she'd seen
him and she tried not to envision Holt with his dark good
looks and those brown eyes flecked with gold that pinned a
person to a wall. The fact that she had once wanted those
eyes to pin her, anywhere, was beside the point. She'd
been young and naive enough not to understand what she was
asking for then. Now she was older, a bit battered and not
nearly as naive. She'd learned that a forceful,
controlling man was the worst kind of nightmare for a woman
like her.
Yet she was voluntarily walking right into the lion's den.
"So walk," she whispered as she climbed from her
barely-held-together car and started toward Holt's
family home on the Double Bar C Ranch. During the few years
she'd lived here, she had driven past the ranch and seen
the big white house in the distance but she'd never been
inside
or even on the grounds. She'd wanted to be
invited in back when she'd been a teenager and called
larkville home. Now she didn't.
But she was going in anyway.
Her heartbeat thudding in her throat, she rang the doorbell
and waited, willing herself to stay strong, stand tall, look
professional.
But the baby kicked at that moment, and despite the fact
that she should be used to such things by now, she splayed
one hand over her abdomen and glanced down.
The door opened and she jumped. To her relief and regret, it
wasn't Holt but Nancy Griffith, his housekeeper. The
woman had kind eyes, but right now she looked a bit concerned.
"I'm sorry. I didn't call ahead, but"
Kathryn cleared her throat, trying not to sound nervous
"is Holt around?"
Nancy smiled at her. "I'm afraid he's not. Since
he returned from, well, I guess everybody knows where he
was."
I don't, Kathryn thought. Because she had been
determined not to be one bit curious about Holt's
personal life. No doubt a woman had been involved,
Kathryn couldn't help thinking. Holt had always had
women trailing after him.
"But he's home now, right?" she asked.
"I'd heard that he'd returned."
"He's home, but he's not here. Since he came
back, he's been so tied up in the office that today he
declared he was getting out on the range and nothing was
going to stop him."
Including me, Kathryn thought. She'd tried to
call Holt several times this week, even this morning. He
hadn't picked up. Nor had he replied to her requests for
an appointment to see him. She was pretty sure that he knew
what she wanted. Maybe he'd heard about it from the
mayor. Clearly, he wasn't enthused. She'd been
warned not to expect much.
She didn't expect anything, but she wanted
No. Don't go there, she ordered herself.
Wanting wasn't good enough. Another lesson she'd
learned too well. If something was going to happen, she had
to make it happen. She couldn't rely on or trust anyone
else.
"I really need to see him. If he's on the range,
could you point me in his direction?" she asked.
Nancy looked stunned. "I You've been away a
long time, Kathryn. I don't know how much you knew of
this place, but the Double Bar C is huge and pretty stark in
places." Nancy glanced pointedly at Kathryn's car,
down at her watermelon abdomen, then up at the sky. The day
was sweltering, the sun relentless and blinding as a camera
flash.
"I know, but I'll be fine. I'm a runner and
these days I keep my phone handy," Kathryn said,
ignoring her own misgivings. The ranch might have its stark
areas, but the Calhouns had always run it like a well-oiled
machine. Communication lines were kept open. "Or
I
was a runner until recently. I'll be okay."
Nancy gave a curt nod. "Let me just call Holt." She
paused. "I have to be honest. He's not going to like
this."
"I know. Besides the fact that he's busy, I've
already called six times. If you're going to tell him
anything, tell him that I'mthat I'm not giving
up. I'll do whatever it takes. Including wandering all
over the ranch looking for him."
That wasn't exactly true. She was trying to keep her
courage up, to appear determined. Still, she wasn't
stupid, and she didn't plan to wander far from the road.
But for now, let Nancyand Holtthink she was a
crazy pregnant woman if that was the only way she could get
his attention. Frustration and fear were making her a bit
desperate. She needed to get as much done as possible before
the baby arrived.
"All right. I'll see what I can do." Nancy
retreated to the other end of the room, speaking into the
phone quietly. She appeared to be holding her hand over the
receiver, too, but even so, Kathryn could still hear
Holt's curse when he realized what was happening.
"Just find out where he is." She gave Nancy an
apologetic look. "I'll handle the rest. You
shouldn't have to deal with my problems."
Instead, Nancy listened to whatever Holt was saying, then
directed Kathryn to a seat in the living room. "He's
coming."
And he clearly wasn't happy about the situation. Kathryn
could see it in the strain in Nancy's eyes.
"Do you mind if I sit on the porch? I'd rather face
him head-on. Outdoors. Just in case he throws anything at
me." She smiled slightly when she said it, trying to
make it sound like a joke, but it wasn't completely.
She'd lived her whole life with people who were prone to
sudden outbursts of anger. It was always good to have an
exit plan.
Nancy gave her a stern look. "Suit yourself, but Holt
would never throw anything at a woman. Especially a pregnant
one."
Kathryn nodded and marched to a rocking chair on the big low
porch. She could tell by Nancy's look that the woman
wondered about whatever circumstances had led to Kathryn
being alone and pregnant, but she wasn't sharing that
with anyone. Not Nancy. Certainly not Holt.
Not that the man would ask. He didn't even want to see
her. She was surprised he even remembered who she was.
Maybe he doesn't, she thought. He'd always
looked right past her when she was a skinny, lovesick
teenager and he was a moody, broody football player who
barely said a word to anyone and never even said hello to her.
She'd daydreamed about him being like her, kindred souls
trapped in untenable circumstances with no one to confide in.
Of course, she'd been wrong. He'd simply been a guy
who hadn't noticed or cared. And clearly nothing had
changed with him.
A lot had changed with her. Except for the fact that she
still got tense just thinking of Holt coming down the road,
exiting his car and stepping onto the porch.
Which was totally nuts. She didn't have room or the
inclination for a man in her world anymore. Especially not
this man.
And anywaya dust cloud in the distance heralded an
oncoming vehiclethere was no time to do anything but
brace herself. She and Holt were going to talk.
Finally.
Holt threw open the truck's door. He started toward her,
big and imposing with a granite jaw and dark eyes that told
her she'd pushed him too far.
Kathryn swallowed hard. She reminded herself that she was a
full-grown woman, almost ten years older than she'd been
the last time she'd seen Holt. And determined to be what
she hadn't been then. Strong. Independent. Not affected
even by a man as overwhelming as Holt.
"Hello, Holt," she said, rising a bit more awkwardly
than she wanted to and holding out her hand in as casual a
gesture as she could muster. "Thank you for stopping
by." How stupid. This was his home. And she was
acting like a queen expecting him to kiss her hand.
"Not an issue. I was headed in, anyway," he said,
putting her in her place. "Besides, this won't take
long."
She blinked. "How do you know that?"
"I know it, because the answer is no," he said,
those dark caramel eyes smoldering. "I know why
you're here. I don't know what the mayor
said that led you to believe that I get involved in causes,
but she was wrong. I do only one thing and that's ranch.
I'm sorry you wasted your time, but I believe it's
best to be honest."
Kathryn sucked in a breath and hoped that her knees
weren't shaking. "I believe that, too. And the truth
is that I don't intend to stop being a pest. You'll
have to hear me out."
"I already know what you want. There's no point in
discussing the details."
"Whatever you've been told, it's clearly not
everything. And I intend to follow you around until you
listen to the whole story." It was all she could do to
keep her voice from wobbling. Not just because Holt was so
big, with such broad shoulders, but because he was so.male.
The fact that he was also hostile
Kathryn fought to
stay calm. To remain standing.
"Excuse me?" He frowned, those fierce dark eyes
making her squirm inside. She wondered how many women had
ever told Holt Calhoun no. Probably not many.
Probably none. The man looked like the definition
of sex, all long legs, muscles and thick tousled, near-black
hair. He looked like a man who knew how to do things. And
not just ranching things. Things that involved getting naked
with a woman.
Which was totally irrelevant
and terribly
distracting. "I mean it," Kathryn said. She
frowned back at him, even if she was mostly upset at
herself. Her Holt-crush years were long gone. She was going
to be a mom. She needed to get her off-track life on track
and do right by her baby, not get derailed by stupid,
hormonally driven thoughts about a man who didn't even
want to talk to her and who reminded her of the bad places
she'd been, not the good places she wanted to go.
"You plan to follow me around?" he finally said.
"Lady, do you even know what you're saying?"
No. "Yes. Mayor Hollis highly recommended you."
Holt swore beneath his breath. "Johanna is sharp as they
come, but she's dead wrong about this."
"I don't think so. And you can't make me leave.
I'm
I'm persistent." Which was such a lie.
She'd never persisted with anything. And her ex-husband
had loved to taunt her with that humiliating fact. Which
might, she admitted, be a big part of why she had to persist
with this now.
"This is a ranch," Holt reminded her. "It's
big and dirty. There are animals that can break your foot if
they step the wrong way or break your body if they fall on
you. You are a pregnant woman."
"Yes. I've noticed."
He gave her a you-don't-know-a-thing look. "No
following."
"Just give me a few minutes."
He started to say no. She was sure of it, but she stuck out
her hand and touched his arm. His blue chambray shirtsleeve
was worn. His muscle was firm and warm beneath her palm.
Kathryn didn't know what the heck she was doing. She
felt reckless and stupid and awkward, as she always had
around him, but.
"We've already wasted several minutes arguing.
Wouldn't it be easier just to listen to me?"
"I have the feeling that nothing about this will be
easy."
So did she. "Just a few minutes," she prompted.
"All right. Let's get this over with. Sit.
Talk." He turned a chair backward, straddled it and
looked at his watch. "You have ten minutes. No more."
Kathryn swallowed hard and tried to find the right words.
For the first time in her life she had Holt Calhoun's
attention and she couldn't afford to waste the
opportunity. There was too much at stake.
Holt felt like a volcano, bubbling hot and on the verge of
blowing up everything around him. What in hell had the mayor
been thinking when she'd recommended that he be the one
to help Kathryn Ellis? And what was this about, anyway? Some
nonsense about a clinic and donors, whatever that meant.
He wanted this conversation to be over, but he'd
promised her ten minutes. And just look at her. Despite
being heavily pregnant, which brought back terrible memories
he didn't even want to acknowledge, she was slender,
bone-china fragile, and when she looked at him
He noticed how her dark blond hair, streaked with a hundred
shades of wheat, kissed her delicate jaw, how those big gray
eyes looked so anxious. Despite her determined words, this
woman looked as if a sharp wind could break her, both
physically and emotionally. And then there was the fact that
she was pregnant. That made her the last person in the world
a man like him should be around. He'd seen her from a
distance in town after the mayor had mentioned the
situation, so he'd already decided that this wasn't
happening. And not just because he didn't want to do
what he'd heard she wanted him to do.
"Ms. Ellis," he began.
"I'm Kathryn. You knew me when I was a teenager."
He'd known who she was. Vaguely. A skinny,
scared-looking little creature. That's all he
remembered. And by calling her by her last name he'd
been trying to create distance, to make a point. "Ms.
Ellis," he said determinedly. "I'm afraid
you've been led astray."
"Johanna said you had business and political contacts
that no one else in town has. Is that true?"
"It may be. But it's irrelevant."
"I'm sure you've heard why I'm here."
He knew what he'd heard. The town already had a clinic, so.
"Why don't you just spell it out?"
"I'm trying to get a new medical clinic built in
Larkville. And lure a permanent doctor here. To do that, we
may need the help of influential people."
"Johanna's the mayor. She has political contacts."
"She's the mayor of a town of less than two
thousand. Her influence is limited. Your family name is
known by people in high places."
"I don't suck up to them. I don't ask favors.
Ever." He glared at her.
"I'm not asking you toto prostitute
yourself," she said, all prim and librarian-like. Her
eyelashes drifted down, just a bit before she righted them.
Her slender hands were in tight fists. She was clearly
nervous. Because she was determined to drag a yes from him
or because he was out-and-out scaring her?
Holt wanted to let loose with a string of blue curses. He
was rotten at situations like this, at dealing with women
with expectations. He'd learned from his mother, his
father, from his former fiancée, Lilith, that needing,
caring, wanting too deeply, expecting too much, came with a
hefty price tag. Emotion could cripple. He knew that.
He'd paid that price before and was still paying it. So
while he was used to doing all kinds of favors as the owner
of the Double Bar C and he did them willingly, he kept
things cut and dried, light, easy, uncomplicated by
emotions. And he didn't ask for favors himself. He was
pretty sure based on what he'd heard that Kathryn Ellis
was asking him to break several of his unbreakable rules.
Be the giver, not the recipient. Remain in control of
the situation at all times. Never let emotion enter into a
deal.