Excerpt of Not Your Everyday Housewife by Mary Campisi

"Name's Tula Rae, girls." The wiry creature with the gray braid trailing half way down her back hefted Shea's luggage from the trunk with one hand. "Born in Mayesville, South Carolina, lived here since 1955 when I came with my first husband, Eddie Mame." She grabbed one of Cyn's bags and trekked up the front steps, talking over her shoulder in a deep Southern accent, "We was one of the first mixed couples to settle in Ogunquit." She grinned at the women behind her, revealing the huge gap between her front teeth. "Tula Rae's always giving them something to talk about, most times something to think about, too."

Shea hoisted her suitcase up another stone step, trailing after the spitfire who referred to herself in third person. The woman was all legs and arms, no chest, with a little potbelly sticking out of her spandex shorts. Years of weathering and New England winds had wrinkled her skin to a crisp, raisin brown.

"There's four bedrooms upstairs," she said, pointing to a stairway in front of them. "This here's the parlor, where you can entertain guests. That room to the left is the living room. It's got a television but we got no cable and no remote. I like to say that straight up because too many people depend on a remote control like it's part of their body. One couple refused to stay here on account of that."

"I don't think we'll have a problem with that," Cyn assured her.

"I sure as to God, hope not. This town's got more to see than years to see it in. How long will ya'll be staying?"

"Four weeks," Derry said, "give or take a day or two."

"Fine by me." Tula Rae nodded her head and continued, "Kitchen's in through there, three meals a day. Anything else you want, you got to buy it yourself, and do your own dishes."

"Do we get a key to the house?" Shea checked the door on the way in and it was awful flimsy with no deadbolt.

"A key? Tula Rae ain't locked her door since she and Eddie moved here in 1955."