Excerpt of Almost like Being in Love by Christina Dodd

Georgetown, Washington D. C. Early in the month of June

Chapter One

Jackie Porter hoped she didn't embarrass herself by falling to her knees before her idol and kissing her hem. It was a distinct possibility, one she faced with a mixture of dread and amusement, but what was she to do? General Jennifer Napier was what Jackie wanted to be in twenty years - a woman successful in her own right.

For Jackie would succeed in her own right, also. As she inched forward in the line that wound through the trendy Georgetown bookstore, she clutched her well-read copy of the general's autobiography and a copy of the new release, a book which clearly delineated and explained the principles by which General Napier had become a success. All the while, Jackie cherished the bright spark of hope General Jennifer Napier had created in her.

General Napier had lost her parents in horrible circumstances - just like Jackie. She had been raised in a series of foster homes - just like Jackie. She had made mistakes in her youth, mistakes so dreadful she didn't believe she could ever recover from the disgrace and the shame - just like Jackie. Yet she had turned her life around, gone to West Point, joined the military, and was now the highest ranking female general in the U. S. Army.

Jackie looked up at the huge photo hanging over the table where General Napier was signing books.

General Jennifer Napier was fifty-five, an attractive woman with piercing blue eyes and dark, graying hair swept up and under her military hat. She exercised every morning, sternly regimenting her body to the peak of health. She was an acknowledged sharpshooter. She lived by the tenets of discipline which she outlined in her book.

Now Jackie lived by them, too. She exercised every day. She practiced shooting and self-defense. She kept her eyes fixed to her goal and let nothing - not friendship, fun or romance - get in her way.

General Napier had never married, dedicating her life to her career, and although Jackie had chosen a different career - horticulture - she dedicated her life to building a successful landscaping business in the Washington D.C. area. She was doing well for a poor, orphan girl from Texas. And if sometimes at night she ached with loneliness, and remembered her one, dreadful mistake with a little too much fondness … well, in the daylight she had the life she had made for herself, and that was enough.

Now Jackie waited in line to thank General Napier for her guidance. Craning her neck to see past the other women in line, she caught her first live glimpse of her hero.

The general looked older and more worn than she did in her photo, and Jackie thought, "Airbrush."

Then she chided herself for being cynical. After all, the general had been on an extensive book tour. She'd been interviewed on television and on radio. She was probably exhausted. And she was, in every other way, absolutely as Jackie imagined her. The line inched forward and Jackie's heart thumped as she came closer.

Jackie had carefully dressed for this moment, wearing a dark blue skirt and white blouse neatly belted at her waist and designed to make the most of her five foot seven inch height and to minimize her lavish bosom. Her sandals were dark blue and white, flat and conservative. As the general advised, Jackie's jewelry was traditional, yet expensive: gold earrings, a gold chain and a plain watch with a black leather band.

Each woman as she stood before General Napier babbled about how much she admired the general, saying almost the same words that Jackie had planned, but when Jackie stepped up to the table, all of her prepared speech flew right out of her head. Her fingers trembled as she handed the general the books.

General Jennifer Napier fixed her in her gaze. "What's your name?"

"Pep …" She caught herself. "Jackie. Jackie Porter." She must be really rattled - she'd almost given the general her real name.

"How do you spell that, Jackie?"

"J-a-c-k-i-e P-o-r-t-e-r."

"Do you want me to say anything special? Happy birthday? Or …?"

"No. No, I just wanted to say -" Oh, dear, she was going to fall on her knees and kiss the general's hem.

General Napier opened the new book and started signing. "Yes?"

"I just … just …" - come on, Jackie, spit it out - "I wanted to tell you how much you inspired me. I'm … I was from … I'm from Texas, and I was raised in foster homes just like you. I just … I messed up a lot, and when I read your autobiography I felt as if we were soul sisters."

The general was nodding, listening as she signed her name with a flourish, then went on to the autobiography and signed her name again. "I'm glad I could help. That's why I wrote the books. I felt I had something to say." Once again she fixed her gaze on Jackie, and folded her hands on the table before her. "It's important that no matter what the obstacles before you, that you never give up."

"I know!" Speech was becoming easier. "When you said in your book, 'I've disappointed people who believed in me, and I've disappointed myself, and I owe it to them and most of all to myself to become a success,' that struck a chord in me."

"Really!" General Napier's gaze warmed as she listened to Jackie. "I'm so flattered that you've memorized my words."

"I've memorized all of your tenets for living. You see, my father was a minister, and I was eight when the police came and said he and my mother had been killed after embezzling funds from their church. The authorities separated me from my sisters and my foster brother, and my sister helped them. I was so angry I wanted to make the rest of the world pay for my grief." The people in the line behind Jackie were getting restive, and the lady who was handing the general the books looked as if she were about to interrupt, so Jackie talked faster. "I threw tantrums, I got tattoos, I ran away from the foster homes, I shoplifted -"

"I never got a tattoo," the general said reflectively, "but otherwise it does sound familiar."

"I had one foster mother who tried to straighten me out, but I was too far gone."

The general nodded. "You had to straighten yourself out."

"Exactly! And I did, and I have, but one day when I got lonely and discouraged, I found your book and it was as if you were speaking to me."

General Napier's bodyguard stood on her left - Jackie recognized him from his picture in the book, he'd been with the general for five years, his name was Otto Bjerke - and he looked grim, as if he'd heard too many tales like hers and believed none of them.

Jackie didn't care. The general was interested, her eyes sparkling as she listened. "I have to thank you for more than simply support and inspiration. You said you couldn't have done it without the help of God, and I … since my parents died and I lost my family, I refused to go to church. Because of you, I got my faith back, and for that I can't thank you enough."

General Napier offered her hand, and when Jackie took it, the general pressed it between both of hers. Tears sparkled on her lashes as she said, "It's stories like yours that make all the difficulty of writing worthwhile. Thank you for telling me. I really appreciate it."

Tears sparkled in Jackie's eyes, too. "No, thank you." General Napier released her hand.

Jackie picked up her book.

And her moment was over . As she moved away from the table, she tingled with excitement. The meeting had been everything she'd hoped. She'd made the general happy, and made herself happy in the process. That was one of the general's tenets. Give generously of compliments where they're due, and the pleasure you'll see on their receipt will return to you doubled. Once again the general had been right.

As Jackie moved through the bookstore, she eyed the stack of General Napier's new release - and realized she should have bought a copy for Mrs. Dreiss. It would be Mrs. Dreiss's birthday in less than two weeks, and those two women - Mrs. Dreiss, who had taken in a rebellious foster child, and General Napier - reminded her of each other in their strict moral code and their common sense sayings.

More important, she needed to send Mrs. Dreiss occasional indications of her affection. She hadn't gone back to see her. She just … hadn't gone yet. She couldn't face the memories, or the chance she might meet him there, so she told herself that next year, she would go and visit, and in the meantime, she sent presents.

Guilt drove Pepper.

Grabbing a copy of the general's book, she whirled and started back toward the table - and stopped. General Napier was speaking to someone else, signing for someone else. The line wound around the entire bookstore, and there was no way Jackie could start at the back and make it through before her appointment with Mrs. Maile to discuss her landscaping.

Catching one of the clerks as he hurried past, Jackie asked, "How long will General Napier be here?"

"Until everyone's had their books autographed." He indicated the line with a grin. "That'll be a while. Isn't she great? Usually the authors only stay for an hour or two, but she says if people come and stand in line for her, they're going to get their books signed."

"She is great," Jackie agreed fervently. "How long do you figure it's going to be?"

He studied the line. "Two hours at least."

She glanced at her watch. Mrs. Maile wasn't more than a mile away, her Georgetown yard was tiny and exclusive, and if Jackie bought the new book now and hurried through her consultation, she could probably make it back to the bookstore and get another autograph from General Jennifer Napier. Grabbing a book, she thrust it at him. "Ring this up. I'll come back for her autograph as soon as I can."

#

Mrs. Maile insisted on looking at every garden in every yard design magazine she owned, and she owned quite a few. The hour Jackie imagined turned into two. By the time she ran back through the Georgetown thoroughfares, streetlights were popping on one by one in the late June twilight. She arrived in time to see the clerk flip the "Closed" sign on the door. She held the three books with one arm, the stitch in her side with the other, and stared in a kind of frozen despair. She had thought of several more things she wanted to say to General Napier, important things, things she could say in the time it took the general to autograph Mrs. Dreiss's book.

But she couldn't now.

General Napier was off to the last stop on her book tour. Off to New York City, where she would be feted by her publisher like the goddess she was.

Jackie breathed hard, fighting the disappointment. Then she remembered - obstacles were there to be overcome. General Napier said so. This wasn't a disaster, it was an obstacle, and Jackie could overcome it with a little intelligence. God knew she'd had to do some quick thinking at other times. Times when quick thinking had probably saved her life. Compared to those moments, this was easy.

Turning, she strode toward the parking garage under the building. General Napier's car might still be parked there. Jackie would hand her a pen and Mrs. Dreiss's book, the general could sign it while Jackie wouldn't say anything else because that would be tarnishing a blessing - that was what General Napier called it when one tried to take advantage of a kind act - and Jackie would be on her way with autographed books and a happy heart.

The garage was gray concrete and reinforced steel, half- full of cars and SUVs, including one long black car with government plates. The general hadn't left yet.

Jackie put her hand to her chest and breathed a sigh of relief . The fluorescent bulbs overhead threw light and shadows across floor and ceiling. Heat and air conditioning runs hung high and close to the ceiling by metal straps, and the place smelled of tires and dust . Jackie's footsteps echoed up and around. Feeling suddenly foolish, she stopped behind a pillar and considered whether she had the nerve to approach General Napier while her attaché looked on. It wasn't that she didn't like Otto Bjerke; in her book, General Napier had spoken highly of him. Yet Jackie's confessions had seemed to neither interest or convince him. Perhaps he'd been instructed to stop troublesome fans.

Embarrassment crawled along her nerves. Was she being too pushy?

The elevator doors opened. She heard footsteps, Otto Bjerke's heavy ones and the general's lighter ones. She heard General Napier's voice saying, "That went well, and we still have time for dinner."

Jackie knew if she didn't at least try to get that signature, she'd never forgive herself. She had to try. She started to step out from behind the pillar, when Otto's footsteps stopped, and in a low, serious voice, he said, "Look, General, I've been trying to get up the nerve to say this for a week."

General Napier's footsteps stopped, also. "What's wrong?" She seemed alert, concerned.

His deep voice rumbled in the stillness. "I know what you're doing."

Jackie froze into absolute immobility. He sounded serious, accusatory. She had inadvertently stepped into a tense moment.

"What are you talking about?" General Napier's voice became clipped, too. "What do you mean, you know what I've been doing?"

"I was working late. I heard you talking on your private line."

General Napier snapped, "Major, what are you trying to say?"

Most of Jackie's early years had been spent with the scent of danger in her nostrils. She smelled its acrid odor now.

"You're selling information to the terrorists." Otto Bjerke sounded calm and businesslike as he made the dreadful accusation. "General Napier, I'm going to have to turn you in."

A heavy silence followed. Jackie held her breath as she waited to hear General Napier deny it, explain …

"I don't suppose it would be any use telling you I'm part of counter-intelligence," she said softly.

He sounded sad. "No, General, it wouldn't."

"Or to offer you a cut of the profits. It is a very tidy sum."

Jackie's heart stopped. Her idol had just admitted her guilt.

Now Otto Bjerke's voice grew heavy. "General, I've admired you every day I've worked for you. That's the only reason I'm giving you warning. I owe you so much."

She sounded ice-cold when she said, "And I owe you."

"General! Ma'am!" Panic sounded in his voice. "Don't -"

The gunshot crashed against Jackie's eardrums.

When the sound had cleared, she heard General Napier murmur, "You never should have given me warning."

Numb and stupid with terror, Jackie dropped the books.