Excerpt of Silver Silence by Joy Nash

Breena's voice trembled. “I don't want anyone else, Rhys. Can't you understand that? I love you. I want you.”

And gods help him, he wanted her.

“Breena, please. Let us not speak of this again. Do not even think of it. I will not marry you. And I will not change my mind. I beg you, find another man on which to fix your fantasies.”

He heard a sudden whoosh, as if all the air rushed from her lungs. “Oh. So I'm to find another man for my fantasies, am I? While you find whores for your bed?”

“I am a man,” Rhys said quietly. “I am not celibate. I won't pretend that I am.”

“Of course you are not. How could you possibly be celibate when there are no end of public-house wenches ready to lift their skirts and dance to your music? And invite you above stairs after? What man could resist such an invitation?”

He stilled. “I don't know what you're talking about.”

But it was a lie. Her description matched too closely that last, awful night with Ciara. The night that had left him feeling so shamed and hopeless that dawn had found him fleeing to Avalon on a knife's edge of desperation.

A horrible suspicion took shape. “Breena. What are you saying? What…what do you know?”

She hugged herself tightly. A defensive posture. But her eyes were spitting sparks. “Tell me, Rhys. How was that blond whore? Did she please you?”

Shock and shame gagged him. His mouth dropped open, but no sound emerged. He could only stare at her, aghast.

“No doubt she knew her business.” Breena's voice shook. “She looked as though she'd bedded every man in that dingy outpost. Did she put her tricks to good use? Did you enjoy fu--”

A red rage washed over him. He didn't remember moving, but suddenly his hands were on her shoulders, and he was shaking her, brutally, trying to stop the ugly words from spilling out of her mouth.

“You used your magic to spy on me! You watched me, while I--” He choked, and shook her again, hard.

Her head snapped forward and back. “Rhys--” she gasped. “Please--”

“By all the gods in Annwyn, Breena, what did you see? What did you see?”

Gods help him. Had she watched Ciara strip? Take him in her mouth? Had Breena been a silent specter over his shoulder when he tied Ciara's wrists and used her like the whore she was? The thought enraged him. Shamed him. And aroused him.

And that shamed him all the more.

He shook her again. “Did you watch us?” he asked hoarsely. “Did you see--”

“No! Gods, no!” She clawed at his hands. “I saw nothing! Nothing! Please, Rhys, stop shaking…let me go. You're hurting me--”

He released her so abruptly, she stumbled and nearly fell. She backed off a few paces, arms wrapped around her torso, trembling, her eyes round.

“I didn't watch you…having relations with that woman. Do you really believe I could stand that? I only watched you enter the tavern, and play your harp. When you started up the stairs…I broke the vision.”

Relief flooded him. He drew a ragged breath. “Breena, you should not have been looking at all.”

“I-I know. I'm sorry! But I couldn't help it. I was worried about you. You'd been gone so long. I had to see if you were all right.”

“That would have taken but a moment.”

She rubbed her arms and didn't answer.

“Have you learned nothing from Gwen and Owein? Druid magic is sacred. One does not use it for personal amusement.”

“Believe me, Rhys. I was not amused.”

“Nay. I imagine you were not. But Breena, it is none of your business if I bed a hundred women.”

Her voice broke. “But…those women cannot love you as I do. How can you go to them, when I--”

“When you are what? Waiting for me here, in Avalon? Weaving fantasies of a life that can never be? The gods know I have tried my best to cure you of your delusions.”

She was crying now, sucking in big gulps of air. Each sob felt like a dull knife goring his heart. “I love you. I always have. And I'll never love anyone else!”

He had never hated himself quite so much as he did at that very moment. “Bree, please, listen to me. Whatever your feelings, you must put them aside. There is nothing between us. There never can be. The sooner you believe that, the sooner your heart will be free to love another.”

His words tasted like bitter ash on his tongue.

“I wish that were true,” she said through her tears. They were running down her cheeks, but she made no move to dash them away. “I wish I felt nothing for you. I even wish that I could hate you. I've tried, you know. I've tried very hard to hate you. But somehow, I just…can't.”

She waited a moment, as if hoping for a reply. When Rhys said nothing, her shoulders slumped. She whirled around. After a long moment, she squared her shoulders and walked away without a word.

Just before she faded into the gloom, he whispered, “Perhaps, in time, you will.”