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Secrets are every where

My Own Personal Soap Opera
Libby Malin

Looking For Reality In All The Wrong Places

Sourcebooks Landmark
April 2010
On Sale: April 1, 2010
336 pages
ISBN: 1402229429
EAN: 9781402229428
Add to Wish List

Women's Fiction

Frankie McNally doesn't just write for a soap opera, her life resembles one. Head writer for the soap opera, Lust for Life, Frankie is being courted by both Victor Pendergrast, a dashing older man sent in to save the show's sagging ratings, and Luke Blades, the soap's totally hot leading man. Just when she thinks life can't get more complicated, a jewel thief starts copying the show's storyline—a development that could send the show's ratings soaring if it doesn't get Frankie and Victor arrested first. Can Frankie write her way out of this one? And can she put make-believe aside long enough to discover the truth of her own heart?


35 comments posted.

Re: My Own Personal Soap Opera

This sounds like a fun read!
(Jana Cleveland 3:34am April 7, 2010)

LOVED this piece, Libby--very clever!
And who knew you did your
undergrad/grad work at such a
prestigious school of music! Aren't you
the onion, all those layers about you?!
Jenny Gardiner 8:21am April 7, 2010)

This sounds like another great
book (I loved Fire Me)! Can't
wait to read it.
Margay Roberge 8:40am April 7, 2010)

Thanks, ladies, for the nice comments. I had fun writing this piece. My next novel takes place in academe so I was in the mood. (Now all I need to do is get a contract for that novel - LOL!)
Libby Malin 9:06am April 7, 2010)

Loved the post. Humor really is
relative. What we find humorous
varies so much from person to person.
I have never gotten the male "locker
room" humor. To me it is just not
funny. Crude, often, but to me not
funny. Slapstick humor makes me
groan more than laugh. I like farce,
situational humor.
Your books sound like fun reads and
these days we all need those.
Patricia Barraclough 9:27am April 7, 2010)

I loved using the word "trope." I might start using it in all my novels.
Libby Malin 9:55am April 7, 2010)

Sounds like a great read. That's what I like about Fresh Fiction - always introducing me to a new author.
Sherry Russell 11:26am April 7, 2010)

Hi Libby~

Loved the post. It's nice to see that
your degree isn't a waste. {vbg} I love
all types of humor but I find situational
humor is what stays with me. There so
much humor in the truth, in life and
love--it just takes a keen eye to
recognize it and then put it down on
paper. You've got that in spades.
Robin Kaye 12:18pm April 7, 2010)

I admit that I watch Soap Operas, so this book sounds especially like fun.
Marjorie Carmony 12:19pm April 7, 2010)

I love funny books!
Here's a little something to give everybody a giggle today!...

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
"Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests!
Lori Roche 12:46pm April 7, 2010)

Loved that joke, Lori.

I love situational humor, too, Robin. Mayhaps I'll write an essay about that soon . . . Hmm . . .
Libby Malin 1:00pm April 7, 2010)

If you liked that one, here's my absolute favorite (I could picture this happening to my sweet but sometimes accident prone daughter!). It's a long one but I promise that it's worth it!!!!!
Subject: Hair Removal

Hair Removal.... (I don't have a clue as to who wrote this, but....WHAT A HOOT!) All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax. Read on..........

My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: "Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet."
So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off.
No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!)
So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ("Cold wax,"
yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works!
OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.
With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet.
Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my bikini line,
covering the right half of my hoo-ha and stretching down to
Lori Roche 1:05pm April 7, 2010)

(it's so long, I guess it'll be in sections!....)stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (it was a long strip) I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!
I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!!
Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip. CRAP! Another deep breath and RIPP! Everything is spinning and spotted. I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...must stay conscious.
Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal.
I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip!
There's no hair on it.
Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???
Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the
strip...it's not! I touch. I am touching wax.
I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot is still propped up on the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down. Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut. Sealed shut!
I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!" What can I do to melt the wax?
Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right???
I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.
Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub...in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt co
Lori Roche 1:09pm April 7, 2010)

(more...)Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.
So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!

I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter "So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!"
There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or hole or hoo-ha?"
She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number
on the side of the box.
YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night.
While we go through various solutions. I resort to trying to scrape the wax off with a razor . Nothing feels better than to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!! By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.
My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax.
What do I really have to lose at this point?
I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!! The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend. It's sooo painful, but I really don't care. "IT WORKS!!
It works and I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up.
I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair....THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT!
So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point.
Next week I'm going to try
Lori Roche 1:10pm April 7, 2010)

(and the punch line that got cut off) Next week I'm going to try hair color!.......

Sorry that it didn't post as one story. I knew it was long but not that long!!
Lori Roche 1:12pm April 7, 2010)

Oh I love a book that can either make me cry or laugh... bring my emotions out... your book sounds great!
Colleen Conklin 1:32pm April 7, 2010)

I was lured here because I'm attempting to write a romantic comedy screenplay for Script Frenzy and neither Comedy nor Romance nor Screenplays are my normal forte. Thanks for reminding me of what I once learned from Arthur Koestler's Act of Creation that the root of comedy is in the surprise.

It also boosts my confidence some to hear that if it makes me laugh or smile I may be onto something.

Fun essay. Made me smile.
Joy Renee Davis 1:48pm April 7, 2010)

Thanks, Joy. Hope you like the book, too. You, too, Colleen. (Of course, I'm assuming everyone will buy it if they don't win it! LOL!)
Libby Malin 2:09pm April 7, 2010)

Laughter and or tears, either is
enough to make me give a thumbs
up for a book.
Lisa Richards 2:18pm April 7, 2010)

When the next Borders' coupon comes in, I will buy the book! I was always told that if it hurts somebody then it is not funny. Today, though, it is hard to say anything without hurting (or offending) somebody!
Karin Tillotson 2:18pm April 7, 2010)

Jeepers, you're a Univ of Gussberry scholar. Deep. I'm experimenting with writing. I'm using the same story in comedic, erotic and mainstream romance to see what I think I do best. I appreciate your post and have bookmarked it, so I have it at hand to refer to. Thanks.
Sandra Dickey 2:25pm April 7, 2010)

Lisa, I write tears, too -- some serious stuff. Have a serious book coming out (writing as Libby Sternberg) in September. Watch my website.
Karin, thank you, thank you, thank you!
Sandra, best of luck with your writing. Sounds like a good exercise. Yes, the University of Gussbery Scholar designation has provided me with stunning benefits. I've been stunned by them many times.
Libby Malin 2:39pm April 7, 2010)

I'm currently struggling with writing a book that has both humor and murder in it. When I saw the post Tips on Writing a Comedic Novel, you suckered me in! Took a few lines before I caught on. Hey, it's a slow day for me! I reread it to enjoy all the fun. And, Lori's was story is hilarious!! Sounds like something that would happen to me. WE ALL need regular doses of laughter!
Thanks for brightening this rainy, gloomy day.
Sherry Weddle 3:40pm April 7, 2010)

Great insight thank you.
Mary Preston 6:11pm April 7, 2010)

You are geat and I am glad that I have learn of you. With all the bad things that are going on today this is the kind of book we need. Lets forget about the problem and have a bit of laugh. Best wishs with the book and all that follows.
Cynthia Plaza-Harney 8:09pm April 7, 2010)

I have always love a book with humor. After reading serious books, I would always go find a humorous book to wind down.
Kai Wong 9:11pm April 7, 2010)

As someone who grew up believing that the people on soaps were real ( my mom watched all the first CBS soaps, this book sounds perfect for me.
Sharon Mitchell 9:40pm April 7, 2010)

This sound like a fun book to tickle my funny bone.
Christy Hawkes 9:56pm April 7, 2010)

Hello Libby, May God bless you and all the others writing books in our beautiful country USA. Please enter me in your Contest and I love winning contests from FreshFiction.com
God Bless, Cecilia
Cecilia Dunbar Hernandez 10:45pm April 7, 2010)

I used to love watching the soaps. My favorite was Guiding Light. Can't wait to read this book. It sounds like a fun read!
Teresa Ward 11:39pm April 7, 2010)

OMG, what a great post!! It sounded just like a late cellist friend (a Brit, of course!)! So, just out of curiousity, what do you play?


Lynn R., a violist and chamber musician
Lynn Rettig 1:05am April 8, 2010)

Lynn, I studied voice. I'm a singer -- worse yet, a soprano!

Cecilia, Sharon, Christy - thanks for the comments. I hope you do enjoy the book and, of course, buy it even if you don't win! LOL!
Libby Malin 8:14am April 8, 2010)

I had to learn to work the VCR when I was 10 so my mom could record her soaps. This sounds like a good belly laughing read to remind of the early years of my like watching soaps with my mom. Thanks for your comments to everyone else's comments. LOL.
Tonya Atchley 1:08pm April 8, 2010)


yo mamma indeed! too hilarious and i wish i went to that university, or at least hung out with jp sartre.

I have my copy of MOPSO, and am enjoying it very much so far. Certainly encouraging me to seek out backlist.
Maya Missani 10:12pm April 8, 2010)

I took a screenwriting course where everybody was so serious. A good belly laugh always gets me every time and it's a form of exercise. I like when characters play and stumble.
Alyson Widen 4:56pm April 9, 2010)

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